Listeria – Greatest Athletes of All Time

22 Nov

Once again, I went to the magazine stand at the grocery store. That means we have another case of Listeria, and this one is all about sports. Beckett called together a panel of experts and compiled a list of the 50 Greatest Athletes of All Time. With a collection like this, there are always arguments of who does and doesn’t belong. There are also arguments about the order.

However, I did not buy the magazine to quibble over the details. I was curious to know how many of the athletes I have seen in person. That smaller list is as follows.

Peyton Manning (41) – I was at the Rose Bowl when Peyton Manning entered his first college game against UCLA. The starter was injured on the first play, and the backups were thrown into the fray. Todd Helton was one of those backups, but Manning turned into the quarterback of the future. I attended most of his college games and have seen him in the NFL several times.

Jerry Rice (36) and Joe Montana (19) – Super Bowl XXIII saw the San Francisco 49er’s against the Cincinnati Bengals. Both of these guys played in that game, and Montana led San Francisco on the game winning drive as time ran out. My dad took me to the game, and, admittedly, I was cheering for the Bengals because Time McGee, a former player at Tennessee, was on their team.Super Bowl

Walter Payton (30) – I grew up a Cowboys fan, and my dad took me to Dallas to watch them play against the Chicago Bears. It was my first NFL game and my first time on an airplane. I don’t remember what Walter Payton did, but I was happy because the Cowboys won. I was also happy because I saw the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Deion Sanders (29) – Deion Sanders was a two-sport star, but I only saw him play baseball for the Atlanta Braves. Memories of the game are fuzzy, and I have no idea how he played. I just know that everyone was amazed that he could be one of the best players in two professional leagues.

Magic Johnson (17) – My dad and I saw the Los Angeles Lakers play the Detroit Pistons, and it was awesome in many ways. We stayed at the same hotel as the Lakers and stood outside as they boarded the team bus. At the game, we spent one half court side and another half in the owner’s box. The Lakers won, but the Pistons got revenge by beating them in the championship series. Oh yeah, Bob Seger was in the box with us.

Bo Jackson (12) – He is known for football, baseball and Nike Commercials, but I saw him before all of that. In 1985, Jackson and the Number 1 ranked Auburn Tigers came to Neyland Stadium to play Tennessee. Jackson would win the Heisman that year, but he didn’t win it during this game. He only got a few yards and eventually left the game. Tennessee won in a blowout, and Tony Robinson, Tennessee’s quarterback, made the cover of Sports Illustrated.Tony Robinson

Wayne Gretzky (4) – Late in his career, Wayne Gretzky came to town to play the Nashville Predators. Everyone wanted a ticket to that game, and I was lucky enough to get one. He didn’t score any goals but proved he was “The Greatest” by getting five assists. I remember that he set up behind the net and dominated.

Should these people be on the list or placed where they are? I don’t know. I am just glad have the opportunity to see them perform. In the first pages of the magazine, they list 10 athletes who are on their way to stardom. Luckily, I have also seen a couple of them – Andrew Luck and Landon Donovan. Now, it’s time to see if they make the next list.

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Hypothetical History

20 Nov

This weekend, I went to the Hermitage, home of Andrew Jackson, to hear my colleague speak on his latest book about the former president. A large crowd filled a church on the property, and it was a great event. I learned a lot about a president who I have lectured about numerous time. It goes to show that we can all learn something new. Actually, that’s what the study of history is all about.

At the end, time was allowed for questions, and several people raised their hands. I asked a question that wasn’t very good, but it was far from the worst. Just before me, a man asked which side Andrew Jackson would have been on if he had been around for the Civil War. These kinds of questions bother me because they are impossible to answer. I call them “hypothetical history.” Interestingly, my colleague said that is the question he gets the most. Really? Of all the things Andrew Jackson actually did, people are more interested in what he might have done? Hypothetical

These same questions are being asked about John F. Kennedy. As we have been reminded over and over, the 50th anniversary of his assassination is coming up. That means numerous documentaries and articles about his murder and the conspiracies surrounding it. However, it also means numerous documentaries about what might have been. What if he had not been assassinated that day in Dallas?

Many people think that the world would have been a better place. There would not have been a Vietnam. There would not have been more assassinations as the 1960s moved forward. There would never have been a Richard Nixon or a Watergate. All of the bad things that have happened since 1963 would not have happened if only John F. Kennedy had lived.

On Sunday, there was an article in The Tennessean, Nashville’s daily, about this very thing. A Nashville native and friend of Kennedy’s talked about what might have been and what he thought would have been. But, here’s the thing. We don’t know that. It’s all hypothetical. Last year, I read 11/22/63 by Stephen King. It’s about a man who goes back in time and saves John F. Kennedy. In King’s imagination, the world ended up in a worse situation because of that.

Some may say that there’s no way. Kennedy would have made things better. However, Stephen King’s book is just as valid as anyone’s. He writes fiction, and that is what “hypothetical history” really is.

John F. Kennedy’s death was a tragedy that affected everyone who was alive at the time. It changed the course of American history. We just don’t know how it changed that history. The study of history is difficult enough without wondering what might have been. We can only study what happened and try to figure it out as accurate as possible.

By looking at “hypothetical history,” I believe that we are doing the people of the past an injustice. Instead of thinking about what Jackson or Kennedy might have done, we should focus on who they were and what they did. That’s the best way to honor people who we are interested in. Let’s get to know them the best we can. We can never really know the real people, but that is better than trying to know them in an imaginary way.

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Backstage at the Grand Ole Opry

19 Nov

Living near Nashville has many perks but being around a lot of great music is at the top of the list. You can go almost anywhere and hear talented people. However, there is one place that stands above the rest. The Ryman Auditorium sits downtown and was, for many years, home of the Grand Ole Opry, the radio show that put the music into Music City. I have been to the “Mother Church” many times for many types of concerts, but Friday night brought a completely different experience. Necole and I were able to go backstage at the Ryman for the Grand Ole Opry, which moves back to its home during the offseason.

Our hosts were Dr. Bob and Leslin, his daughter. Leslin was one of my students and has a great blog. They were able to get us in because Dr. Bob is the doctor who many stars see when they have issues with their voice. He knows a lot of performers and was able to provide us with this special experience.

We started the evening with a great meal at Sperry’s, one of Nashville’s dining institutions. Then, we headed to the Ryman. I was worried about getting a parking space because Justin Timberlake was performing across the street, but Dr. Bob and Leslin had that taken care of. We parked in the lot reserved for the Opry performers.

We walked through the alley between the Ryman and Nashville’s famous honky tonks. We made it to the backstage entrance, and the history began to hit me. Country legends had climbed those same steps to perform for a packed house and countless people listening across the nation on WSM radio. When their set was finished, they would walk back down the steps to the bars across the alley. That’s where they would kill time until the second show.

Up the stairs was a man at a desk with a list of names. Once we got past him, we walk through the door and were on the stage. The show had already started. Music was playing, and the crowd was clapping. Immediately, one of the backup singers hugged Dr. Bob and told us to come on up. We ended up standing next to the backup singers. Everyone in the audience could see us. In front of us was the announcer who introduces the acts and reads the commercials. Eventually, he walked over and talked to us.

At the first break in the action, I took a picture of what was going on behind the curtain.Opry 1

Necole and I were amazed at the casual atmosphere. As the music played, people were talking and joking around. It was like a big family reunion. The hallways were small, and people couldn’t help but bump into each other. At one point, Dr. Bob wanted to introduce us to someone. We walked over and had a good conversation about music and life in Middle Tennessee. He asked about our jobs, and we asked about his. Around the corner, Riders in the Sky were practicing, and Necole became more interested in them than the conversation. She had to have a picture, and I took it. I am not great a picture-taking, so the blurriness is the fault of the photographer.Opry 2

Later, the accordion player asked me what I did for a living. When I told him that I was a historian who researched the American West, he nearly fell out. He wanted to talk all about the history of cowboys and their music. That’s when I told him about the magazine I had that listed them as one of the top 50 artists of the Western music genre. He acted like he didn’t know it.

We went back to the stage in time to see an elderly lady perform. The crowd was cheering enough for us to know that she was a major star, but we couldn’t tell who she was. Dr. Bob found out that it was Jean Shephard. None of my group recognized the name, so I got to show them some of my knowledge of music history. She was a big star in the 50s and 60s but faced terrible tragedy. Hawkshaw Hawkins, her husband, died in the same plane crash that killed Patsy Cline.

Eventually, it was time for the last segment, and the host walked into the wings. At first, all we could see was his red coat. When he turned around, we saw that it was Jim Ed Brown, another great star of the past. He sang a few songs before introducing the band that we had come to see – Old Crow Medicine Show. The newest members of the Opry brought down the house with an energetic performance that included “Wagon Wheel“, which was their song before it was Darius Rucker’s.

That’s when Necole and I realized that the guy we talked to earlier (back when Riders in the Sky was practicing) was the lead singer of Old Crow Medicine Show. Everyone around us was taking pictures. This is one that I took.Opry 3

That’s Jim Ed in the red coat, and the announcer standing next to him. The crowd loved Old Crow Medicine Show to the point that Jim Ed gave up his last song for them to be able to sing another one.

After the show, we walked back down the steps and into the alley. People were lined up to get into the honky tonks, and music could be heard coming from all of them. That’s when I realized that the alley is only a few feet across, but there is a long way from those stages to the one we just stood on.

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Picture This – The OK Corral

15 Nov

Arizona 2013 008

A few weeks ago, Necole and I spent some time in Arizona, and that provided us with the opportunity to travel to Tombstone. I had been there several times, but this was Necole’s first trip. It was about time that she experience “The Town Too Tough To Die.”

Like everyone else, we had to take a look at the OK Corral. To do that, we had to make our way through a souvenir shop that sold everything with OK Corral written on it. That wasn’t surprising. The fact that there was a movie about the history of Tombstone in the next room was also not surprising. However, discovery that Vincent Price was the narrator of the movie caught me off guard. Of all people chosen to narrate a movie about a western town, Vincent Price would not have been my first choice.

Anyway, we paid our money and walk out the back door to the OK Corral. There was some blacksmith stuff going on, and there was a carriage for a photo opportunity. However, there wasn’t anything about the gunfight that made the OK Corral and Tombstone famous. There have been movies about the Gunfight at the Ok Corral. There have been books written about the Gunfight at the OK Corral. Unfortunately, the gunfight did not take place in the OK Corral. It took place in a vacant lot around back.

It seems that the Gunfight at the OK Corral sounds more interesting that the Gunfight at the Vacant Lot.

We followed the path of Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the gang and found ourselves staring at Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the gang. As you can see from the above image, they looked very realistic. I thought Disney World was the only place with animatronic figures. In fact, Tombstone has them, too.

Necole noticed that their boots had curled up from long exposure to the elements. She also noticed that they were standing close together. That’s because the combatants we standing close together. At least, that’s what Wyatt Earp said. The problem is that a lot of things Wyatt Earp said have turned out to not be true.

As we stood pondering these thoughts, a booming voice came over the loud-speaker, and the figures began to move. The Gunfight at the OK Corral was happening all over again. It was not very action packed, but the most disappointing aspect was that the booming voice did not belong to Vincent Price.

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I Wonder….

13 Nov

whatever happened to Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka.Jimmy Snuka

what happened to the art of shooting free throws.

who came up with the idea of bottling water, which we can get for free, and selling it.

why we have to fall back and spring ahead.

if Willie Nelson really smoked a joint on the roof of the White House.

why they can’t make the Incredible Hulk look real in the movies.

where D.B. Cooper went after the jumped out of the airplane.

why I think of The Wicker Man movie when I sit in a wicker chair.The Wicker Man

how many people have actually cured the hiccups by holding their breath.

if people in Afghanistan make afghan blankets.Afghan

what would have happened if Jimi Hendrix had not been discharged from the 101st Airborne.

how hot the world’s hottest pepper is.Trinidad Scorpion

how much a ton of money is worth.

who has the toughest job in the world.

if the Lone Ranger and Zorro ever gave each other fashion tips.Lone Ranger and Zorro

if I can come up with a better idea for a post next time.

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A Rollerball of Our Own

11 Nov

Today, I went down the road to watch the Tennessee Titans play the Jacksonville Jaguars. The game wasn’t very exciting, so I started taking in the surroundings. I watched the fans as they cheered for their team. I watched the video boards and the highlights from other games. I listened to the music. I heard the announcer try to rile up the crowd. I watched the players and coaches on the sidelines. All of that made me think of…James Caan.James Caan

In 1975, he starred in Rollerball, a movie about a violent sport in the future. Caan is Jonathan, the greatest and most famous player. The fans of his team love him while the fans of opposing teams feel the opposite. However, everyone recognizes that he is the best.

Rollerball has many themes, but one is overwhelmingly obvious. Corporate and government leaders use the game to distract the masses from the real issues and get them to focus on the game. This is an old story that goes back to the ancient civilizations, but, while sitting at an NFL game, I began to wonder if it is relevent today.

How many people know about the stats of their favorite player but know nothing about the false start of Obamacare? How many people are more concerned about the ups and downs of their fantasy team than about the ups and downs of the economy?

I am as guilty as anyone. When I get on the Internet, I head straight to the articles about my teams. I follow more sports writers on Twitter than news writers. When I talk to my friends about current events, it is about the state of the team rather than the state of the nation.

Has Rollerball come true? To a certain extent, I think it has. The scenes in the arena feel a lot like the scene in a football stadium. Is the NFL a conspiracy by our leaders to distract us from what is going on in the world? I doubt that, but it is a distraction. As we yell at the officials for being terrible, we forget about our politicians being terrible.

I guess it all comes down to this. We need to show as much passion toward the real world as we do sports. If we don’t get distracted from the real issues, then we can make the world with a great highlight reel.

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Counting on the County Fair

8 Nov

Allow me to do some bragging on my community. I am a member of the management committee of the James E. Ward Agriculture and Community Center, which is the official name of our fairgrounds. Annually, it hosts to Wilson County Fair, the largest fair in Tennessee. It is even bigger than the state fair. In my mind, that’s bragging rights.Wilson County Fair

At this meeting, we were presented with the final statistics of the fair. I thought a few of you might find them interesting.

The fair was attended by 589,229 people. While there is no accurate way to determine where all of those people came from, some folks scan the parking lot to check license plates. They found cars from 5 countries, 35 states and 51 Tennessee counties. This is a fair that is known far and wide, but it wouldn’t be possible without the 905 volunteers who take vacation from their real jobs to operate the fair successfully.

The people who oversee the fair like to highlight the agricultural aspects of our community because that’s what county fairs were originally designed to do. With that in mind, there are all kinds of agricultural exhibits judged for their quality.

Let’s see. There were:

403 beef cattle

572 dairy cattle

657 sheep

141 swine

196 mules

681 goats

378 poultry

470 rabbits

193 jars of honey

50 hams

821 fruits and vegetables

954 flowers and plants

Of course, what’s a fair without beauty pageants.

198 babies were signed up for the Baby Show.

24 young ladies competed in the Fairest of the Fair, which was sponsored by Beauty Boutique.

On top of all that, the winner of Ms. Senior Wilson County went on to win the state competition.

There were also cooking contests, antique tractors, school exhibits, horse shows, dog shows, photography contests, art contests and an arm wrestling competition. The list goes on and on. The thing is so big that it can’t all be seen in one visit.

We are all proud of the Wilson County Fair. If you are in this area next August, then you should check it out.

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My iPod Has Issues – Part 10

7 Nov

“So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.” I am as flustered as Willy Wonka after a long day touring the chocolate factory.  By the way, I am talking about the real Willy Wonka instead of that crazy Johnny Depp one.

Tests to grade. Meetings to attend. On and on and on it goes. What was it that Sonny and Cher sang? “The Beat Goes On” (Yeah, I was going to link that, but WordPress is all fouled up for some reason.)

With all of this stuff going on, I can’t spend much time in the Land of SBI. Everyone knows what that means. It’s time for a quick post, and the quickest post I know of delves into the dark regions of my iPod. Let’s shuffle it up and see what craziness comes out.

“She Loves You” by The Beatles

“Shoot to Thrill” by AC/DC

“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

“Did Ye Get Healed?” by Van Morrison

“The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Sam Butera

“Flash to the Rescue” by Queen

“Touchdown Tennessee” by Kenny Chesney

“Hardline” by Tom Kimmel

“Don’t Cry” by Guns n’ Roses

“Losing My Religion” by R.E.M.

“Ain’t No Way” by Aretha Franklin

“Scarborough Fair” by Simon & Garfunkel

“Oh Yeah” by Yello

“You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon

“Sandman” by America

“All I Can Do is Write About It” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

“Heartbeat” by Red 7

“Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” by Meat Loaf

“The House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals

“Why Can’t He Be You” by Loretta Lynn

Crazy, man. Crazy

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Listeria – Singers of Country and Western Songs

5 Nov

Man, magazines sure like their lists. To be honest, I like them, too. American Cowboy put out a special edition about the 50 greatest Country & Western singers. As I read over the list, I began to think that many of them don’t fit on the list. When I hear Country & Western, I think about cowboy songs, and there are a bunch of people on the list that never sang a song about punching cattle or being in a showdown.Four Way Shootout

I am thinking that the genre name confuses me because I don’t consider it a modern description. There is Country music and there is Western music, which isn’t as popular. I think that in the old days Country and Western went together because they were considered rural in origin. Was it a derogatory term? I don’t know, but I don’t believe they fit together anymore.

With that in mind, I am going to pare down the list and report the ones who I think are true singers of Western songs. It is American Cowboy, after all. Here they are – the ones on the list who have sung about the West. I may link a few examples along the way.

Johnny Cash – I’ve written about him before. Johnny sang a variety of tunes, but he also sang about the West. Personally, I like the one about Johnny Yuma.

Roy Rogers and Dale Evans – What can I say? Roy was the ultimate cowboy for an entire generation of kids. Dale was by his side the whole time. Nothing beats their signature song.

George Strait – George can sing Country and Western. In fact, he is a true legend of both. I could listen to “Amarillo by Morning” every day. Every time I go through Amarillo, I sing it.

Chris LeDoux – I don’t know much about Chris, but how can you leave a real cowboy off the list?

Ian Tyson – This is another singer who I don’t know much about. It is also another singer who was a real cowboy.

Gene Autry – Another cowboy legend who a generation of kids looked up to. Ironically, his most enduring song is about a deer.

Red Steagall – Texas Swing is a great subgenre of Country & Western music, and Red is one of the all time greats.

Willie Nelson – He couldn’t make it when he first came to Nashville. That’s when Willie went back to Texas and got famous. Personally, I like “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.”

Michael Martin Murphey – When I was a kid, I was fascinated by “Wildfire.” I think it was more the ghostly element than the cowboy element.

Don Edwards – I didn’t know anything about Don until I heard one of his songs in a movie. “Coyotes” was that song.

Patsy Montana – The other day Necole and I took my parents to the Country Music Hall of Fame. The section on Patsy Montana was very interesting.

Merle Haggard – He sings about prisoners and laborers. Merle also sings about cowboys. He greatest song is “Pancho and Lefty” with Willie Nelson. He also had a song in Chisum, a John Wayne movie.

Marty Robbins – I wrote about some of Marty’s songs a while back. He touched on a variety of topics in his music, but cowboys were right at the top.

Rex Allen – Another great cowboy star, I remember the tractor commercials he always did during the National Finals Rodeo.

Sons of the Pioneers – I guess Roy Rogers is in here twice because he was also in this group. I watched a fascinating documentary about “Tumbling Tumbleweeds“, so I will make that my favorite. I also like “The Searchers” theme.

Bob Wills – Remember what I said about Texas Swing? Bob Wills was the king of it.

Waylon Jennings – An Outlaw with Willie Nelson and others, Waylon often sang about cowboys. I always liked “Slow Movin’ Outlaw.”

Riders in the Sky – I always considered them a parody. I guess their stage costumes led me to think that. Riders in the Sky are included in the American Cowboy list, so I will put them in mine.

R.W. Hampton – I don’t know his work, but, from what I read, his contemporaries think a lot of R.W.

Joni Harms – Another artist that is new to me, Joni has won numerous awards for her work in the Western genre.

Tom Russell – Dang, I don’t know many of these people. I need to do more research. I definitely need to do more listening to this song.

Wylie & the Wild West – Actually, I know about Wylie. I just don’t know much about his music.

Corb Lund – They list lyrics of some of the artists. Corb’s lyrics struck a chord with me, so I looked up this song.

Garth Brooks – He looked like a cowboy, and he sang about cowboys. Personally, I think Garth ruined Country music.

Kris Kristofferson – Anyone who played Billy the Kid in a movie has to be put on the list. I am just not sure if he ever sang about cowboys.

Belinda Gail – Belinda won the WIll Rogers Cowboy Award. That means she should be on the list.

Brenn Hill – The magazine doesn’t say much about him, but it says that he sings cowboy songs.

Gary McMahan – They list “The Old Double Diamond” as his most prominent song. I looked it up, and it’s good.

Sons of San Joaquin – It’s all in the family. According to the magazine, Roy Rogers compared the Sons of Joaquin to the Sons of the Pioneers. That’s enough for me.

Let’s add this up. Out of 50 on the original list, we have 30 left. I don’t who how many others could have been on it, but I can’t believe Tex Ritter didn’t make it. He sang the iconic theme to High Noon and sang a song that is played daily at Disney World – “Blood on the Saddle.” Can you guess where it’s played?

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I Can’t Believe It’s Been Two Years

1 Nov

Two years ago, I started this blog, and it’s really hard to believe. I just went back and looked at the first post. To say the least, it’s not very good. It’s so bad that I am not even going to link it. The writing isn’t great, and it is obvious that I knew nothing about blogging. For instance, I spent the entire post introducing myself before realizing that there was an About page for all of that. It was a lot longer before I realized that putting pictures in a post helps out a lot.Two Years

It doesn’t feel like I have been going this for two years. My parents used to tell me that time goes by faster as we get older. I didn’t believe it, but I do now. My blogging time has definitely flown by, and it has also brought some big changes. Since I began blogging, I have gotten married. I went from a confirmed bachelor who lived by himself to a man with a wife, stepdaughter and a dog. The dog is a girl. too. I am surrounded by females, and I love it.

I haven’t really thought about what to write in this anniversary post. Usually, something pops into my mind, and I put it on the screen before I forget about it. Nothing good has come to mind, so I am going to dig into my stats and see what has been going on.

Since the first anniversary of this blog, the following things have happened.

Surrounded by Imbeciles has been viewed most by people in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, India, Australia, France, Germany, Spain, Italy and the Netherlands.

It has been viewed the least by people in Qatar, Aruba, Uruguay, Mozambique, Guatemala, Papua New Guinea, Jordan, Mali, Bangladesh and Uganda.

The people who have made their way to Surrounded by Imbeciles have mostly read the following posts.

The Problem With Gas Pumps – This one carried the blog for a long time as people hit it constantly. However, it hasn’t been viewed in a while.

Into the Sunset – This is the one who got me Freshly Pressed. I just threw it out there without thinking and ended up getting hits all over the place.

Movie Wisdom – Burt Reynolds Edition – You would be surprised how many people want to know what Burt Reynolds said in his movies.

Listeria – Gunslingers Edition – Who was the fastest gun in the West?

Listeria- Western Actors Edition – They say Westerns aren’t popular anymore. I beg to differ.

Sometimes It’s a Western, Sometimes It’s a Porno – This is actually about something at work. However, people search for “western pornos” all of the time.

Victorian Brothelese – All you ever needed to know about the whorearchy.

The Great Pumpkin Carving Escapade – This one has climbed the charts in the past week.

Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief – I bet you never heard this song by AC/DC.

The Cullman Comet – One of my favorite posts, this is about my meeting with Tom Drake, who has lived a very interesting life.

Before I go celebrate all of this blogging with a big glass of cran-grape juice, I also want to link two posts that I am really proud of. They haven’t gotten many views, and I am going to advertise them as much as possible.

The Smell of Cape Jasmine is an exploration of one of my favorite songs, and A Southern Legend is about an almost true southern legend. I hope you check them out.

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