Dance Hall Days

18 Jan

Several posts ago, I chronicled my graduate career and how I came to study prostitution in the American West. It’s not the industry that I meant to study, but I have found it to be an interesting topic for myself and my students. A few posts later, I began to share some of my research by introducing my readers to the women who worked in the brothels, the highest level of the industrial “whorearchy”. This post leaves the brothels and follows the women into the next work place, the dance halls.

In the American West, the younger and least experienced women worked in the brothels, the houses that catered to the wealthier men of a community. When the earning abilities of these women faltered, they moved from the brothels and into the dance halls, or saloons. The mythical representation of these establishments are depicted in almost every western movie, and saloon women are often used as background for the movie scenes. This is not too far removed from reality as saloon owners hired women to do just that – serve as scenery. Women were hired to be part of the decor and to attract customers. They danced with patrons for a fee and sometimes entertained by singing for tips. They had conversations with men who may be sitting alone and typically pressured them to uy watered-down drinks at inflated prices. (Not unlike Hooters) The dancing fees and obviously the drinks went into the coffers of the dance hall.

Women in these establishments did not earn as much money as those in the brothels because men usually did not go to saloons looking for sex. They were there to gamble and drink. If they wanted to have sex, then they would have gone to a brothel or, if that was unaffordable, to a crib, which I will blog about later. As a result, saloon women had to work hard to induce men to take them upstairs and pay them for sex.

Saloons and dance halls were everywhere in the West, but perhaps the most famous of the time was the Birdcage Theater in Tombstone, Arizona, a town famous for the Gunfight at the Ok Corral. The theater derived its name from the balcony boxes, which resembled birdcages, that overlooked the floor and the stage. Due to a lack of rooms, prostitutes performed their services in these boxes with the curtains drawn. Last summer, I visited Tombstone and toured the Birdcage. It is an interesting tour and showed firsthand that the boxes are aptly named.

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Old Posts Home

16 Jan

Something interesting happened in my Dashboard today, and it made me consider what blogging is all about. I started this blog on November 1, 2011 and had no idea what to write or what would happened when I did. Things began with an introductory post that explained where I got “Surrounded by Imbeciles” and told a few things about myself. It was after this post that I realized there was an “About” section.

On November 2, I published my second post titled “The Problem With Gas Pumps”, which covered my notion that gas pumps think people are stupid. I always said that if I blogged, then I would start with that rant. In my mind, it was a good attempt at sarcasm and wit. However, it wasn’t until today that someone clicked on it. I have been blogging for a while now and, while not an expert, feel like I am getting better at it. I have had a bunch of hits; plenty of comments; and met some great people. (Now that I have figured out how to create a link, you should check out my favorite blog and super supportive reader, the Book Snob.) But, I never considered what happened to the old posts that nobody ever read. Do they go to an “old posts home”? They don’t. They live forever as information leakages from our brains. The things we put on here never go away. While we may forget about them and think that people will never go back into the archives and look around, all it takes in an engine search to receive a click.

As a historian, I am accustomed to combing through documents in local and state archives and studying the artifacts of the past. But, it never hit me until today that blogs are the modern equivalent of the letters, journals and diaries of the past. I have read all about other people’s lives and thoughts, and now a few people are reading about mine. It’s kinda cool and kinda strange at the same time. I can only hope that when people look through my “archives” they will find something as interesting as I have found looking through the paper kind.

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My iPod Has Issues – Part 2

15 Jan

I have had a blog post idea running through my mind all day. But, it late on Saturday night, and I just got in from a night on the town. I am tired and a little buzzed but still feel the need to post. Does that mean I am addicted to blogging now? I reckon there are worse things to be addicted to. At any rate, I am going to put my posting idea on hold and take the lazy blogger’s way out by building on an older post.

A while back, I wrote about how everyone hates my iPod. They think the music is weird and old and don’t understand how I could listen to it all of the time. A common question is, “How do you know what the new music is if you keep listening to this crap?” And, I understand the question. I used to think the very same thing about my parents. How could they listen to that crap all of the time?

I must admit that my girlfriend and her daughter have introduced me to some cool stuff. There is a lot of great music being created these days. But, I still don’t think it compares to my random playlist. In the earlier post, I put my iPod on random and listed the first twenty that popped up. Let’s see what pops up this time and see if you like the list or think my iPod has issues.

1. “Heart of Gold” by Neil Young

2. “Gloria” by Them

3. “Dang Me” by Roger Miller

4. “Happy Anniversary” by Little River Band

5. “Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks

6. “I Love” by Tom T. Hall

7. “Principles of Lust” by Enigma

8. “Boom Boom” by John Lee Hooker

9. “Good Times” by INXS and Jimmy Barnes

10. “I’m Waiting for the Man” by The Velvet Underground

11. “Voodoo Child” by Jimi Hendrix

12. “Walk This Way” by Run DMC

13. “Who Made Who” by AC/DC

14. “Popcorn” by Hot Butter

15. “19th Nervous Breakdown” by The Rolling Stones

16. “Betty Lou’s Got A New Pair Of Shoes” by John Cafferty and The Beaver Brown Band

17. “Cross the Brazos at Waco” by Billy Walker

18. “You Go to My Head” by Mary Stallings

19. “In Bloom” by Nirvana

20. “Good Time in London” by Big Mama Thornton

Is that weird or what?

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For the Birds

14 Jan

Over the holidays, my brother took his family to Orlando to visit the various theme parks. They hit all of the Disney ones – Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios. Then, they headed over to Universal to experience the Islands of Adventure in general and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter specifically. They experienced thrills and chills; waited in long lines because it was the busiest week of the year; and, saw plenty of muggles dressed like wizards. However, they all agreed (except for one) that the funniest thing happened at a concession stand.

To set up the story, I need to explain my brother’s family. It is the statistical norm with the parents and two kids. The oldest son is 17 and reminds every one of Sheldon on “The Big Bang Theory”. I realize that it sounds like bragging, but he honestly is the smartest person I know. He aces all of his classes and is line for the Ivy League. His brother is 14 and is as much a smart ass as his older brother is smart. The young one is always making wisecracks and thinks that he has a way with the women. In short, he is full of himself. With this dynamic, these two are on each other all the time.

So, there they are roaming around Universal and heading toward Harry Potter World when they spy a concession serving cinnamon and sugar on a stick. I have no idea what it looks like, but it has to taste awesome. Of course, both of them want one. They mosey up to the bar; order their sticks; and, turn to walk away. That’s when a huge bird swoops down from behind; grabs the youngest one’s stick; and, before he realizes it, is munching on the stick in the top of a tree. My nephew stands there stunned as dozens of people, including muggles dressed as wizards, burst out laughing. One kid with a wand starts saying, “No refunds! No refunds!” My brother, his wife and my other nephew all agreed that it was the highlight of the trip.

Amazingly, the concession stand workers say that was the fourth time it had happened that day. Birds hang around all of the time and steal people’s food. Despite the claims of the wand-kid, they gave him another stick which he crouched over and protected like gold. Perhaps, they should get Harry and the gang to put a spell on the birds and make them like broccoli or some other unfun food.

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Nashville Nights (And Days)

12 Jan

As my last post indicated, I have been lucky enough to travel throughout the United States and struck up conversations with people from all regions and all walks of life. When I speak, they never fail to ask where I am from. I suppose it is due to my southern accent. Although I live in a suburb, I always say Nashville because most everyone knows where that is. Most everyone has a preconceived notion of it as well. Either, everyone here wears cowboy hats and sings, or everyone here wears cowboy hats and watches Hee Haw. Well, there are plenty of people here who have jobs outside of the music industry. Hee Haw hasn’t been on television in decades. And, the only people I see wearing cowboy hats are the tourists.

Obviously, Nashville, nicknamed Music City, is known far and wide for country music and it has been the driving force behind the city for decades. However, there is more to our fair city than that. It is a cosmopolitan city with a thriving scene built around art, dining, and various forms of entertainment that includes all kinds of music. I have written a couple of posts about places to which I have traveled. Now, I want to tell would be travelers what they may find around here.

What Every Tourist Must Do

People come to Nashville to discover the roots of country music and maybe see somebody famous along the way. The quest needs to begin at the Ryman Auditorium, the mother church of country music, where the Grand Ole Opry was broadcast for decades. The radio show made Nashville the country capital of the world, and a backstage tour of the music hall is essential. Behind the Ryman sits a row of Honky Tonks that have become favorite tourist hangouts. This is where you will see the cowboy hats. Each bar is essentially the same with live music and plenty of alcohol. However, Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge is the destination for most. It gained fame as the place where Opry performers spent time between sets. Legend has it that Willie Nelson was so despondent about his singing career that he walked out of Tootsie’s and laid in the middle of the street. There are no famous people there now, but it is a fun place to go.

The performers of the past no longer haunt Tootsie’s, but they can be learned about at the Country Music Hall of Fame, a great museum with priceless artifacts. To find singers in their natural habitat, a trip to Music Row is required. If you are lucky, then you may be able to see someone going in or out of a recording session. More than likely, your sightings will only include some giant statues of nudes. However, I have seen more celebrities at Green Hills Mall, an upscale shopping destination, than anywhere else.

Being a historian, I must mention some locations that do not involve history. Nashville was prominent city long before the music industry existed, and several historic sites reflect this. The first would be the Hermitage, home to President Andrew Jackson. It is a good place to learn about one of our most powerful presidents and of life in the south before the Civil War. A second would be the Belle Meade plantation. Like the Hermitage, it is a pre-Civil War home with a distinction. Every Triple Crown winning horse is descended from a horse on the plantation. Our legislature, in its infinite wisdom, outlawed gambling and drove the thriving thoroughbred industry to Kentucky.

What the Locals Do

Nashville residents like live music as much as tourists do, but it may not be country or at Tootsie’s. There are several options that locals enjoy.

The Bluebird is pseudo-touristy and fun. Songwriters sit in the round; talk about their songs; and play them. Plenty of alcohol is served, but it is more of a classroom atmosphere as talking is not allowed. It is an intimate setting of the true music industry.

Sambuca, in the Gulch, is one of my favorites. A restaurant but more bar, it has a live bands of different genres throughout the week.

Bourbon Street Blues Club sits in Printer’s Alley, an area with a history of underworld mystique. For good blues and fabulous guitar playing, this is a great place to go.

However, the Schermerhorn Symphony Center is my favorite place to listen to music. A state of the art music hall, it is home to the Nashville Symphony and hosts performers, both classical and otherwise, from all over the world.

Of course, Nashville has a lot of watering holes where live music is not played, but they are cool hangouts nonetheless. Many of these are located in Midtown. Losers. Winners. Broadway Brewhouse. South Street. The list goes on and one. Taylor Swift also lives in the area, so a sighting could take place.

Up the street, there are other great hangouts such as Tin Roof and Whiskey Kitchen.

What Locals Do for Non-Music Entertainment

Obviously, man cannot live on music and liquor alone, and Nashville provides other forms of diversion as well. Small art galleries dot the city map, but the Frist Center remains the center of Nashville’s art community. Housed in the old post office, it hosts collections from the best museums in the world. Cheekwood Mansion also hosts artistic and historical collections and currently houses an exhibition of western artifacts from the Buffalo Bill Cody Museum.

Nashville is also home to many parks, the most famous of which is Centennial Park. Created during the city’s centennial celebration, it is home to an exact replica of the Parthenon in Greece. Why is the Parthenon in Nashville? Because the city has another nickname, Athens of the South, due to the number of universities in the area.

However, for a really good time, go to the Belcourt Theater, an old movie house that has been refurbished. It now serves as a viewing room for independent films, documentaries and movie classics. Also, there is a stage for intimate musical performances by some very famous people.

Where the Locals Eat

Visitors to Nashville can always eat at the Hard Rock Cafe, Margaritaville, or Cracker Barrel, which was founded in my hometown. However, to get a true taste of the city people should branch out. The following are a few of my favorites.

Bricktop’s – Americana food with a little flair. It is a great local hangout with a cool bar.

Virago – The best sushi in the city and a porch/bar with a great view of downtown.

Tayst – Serves organic food produced by local farmers. The best dish is the bread pudding made from a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

Rotier’s – Legend says that Jimmy Buffett wrote “Cheeseburger in Paradise” about this place. Enough said.

Pancake Pantry – Nashville’s favorite breakfast spot. Be ready to stand in line.

Eastland Cafe – Americana food with a lot of flair.

I Dream of Weenie – Any kind of hot dog you want served out of a 1960s mini-van.

There you have it – a guide to the Nashville experience from a person who has been around Nashville all of his life. Nashville has changed a lot in my lifetime, and it keeps changing for the better. Everyone is always welcome, and they can even bring their cowboy hats if they want.

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Touching Them All (50 States That Is)

10 Jan

I have been lucky enough to do quite a bit of traveling. As I was growing up, my parents took road trips for family vacations and took me to various places on the map. Because of them I was able to visit each of the states in the U.S. by the age of 24. Several posts on this blog have chronicled the places they took me and the places I have visited in adulthood. This post does the same but with a different tack. I will list the states in alphabetical order and match them with my favorite location in each. Many states will be difficult to limit while some will be difficult to list at all. Obviously, the list will have a historical leaning, but there will also be other types of places. I will not write any descriptions. However, if anyone wants to know more about something then give me a comment. I will be happy to post about it later. Here goes:

Alabama = The All Steak House in Cullman

Alaska = Glacier Bay

Arizona = Jeep Tour in Canyon de Chelly

Arkansas = The Farmer’s Market in Little Rock

California = The Green Door Room in the Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre in San Francisco

Colorado = The Strater Hotel in Durango

Connecticut = Yale University Campus in New Haven

Delaware = The Coastal Drive Up Highway 1

Florida = The Thomas Edison and Henry Ford Winter Estates in Fort Myers

Georgia = The Varsity in Atlanta

Hawaii = The Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor

Idaho = The Oasis Rooms Museum in Wallace

Illinois = Abraham Lincoln’s Home in Springfield

Indiana = The Indianapolis Motor Speedway in Indianapolis

Iowa = John Wayne’s Birthplace in Winterset

Kansas = The Kirby House Restaurant in Abilene

Kentucky = The Louisville Slugger Museum and Factory in Louisville

Louisiana = The Town Square of Carencro

Maine = The L.L. Bean Store in Freeport

Maryland = The United States Naval Academy in Annapolis

Massachusetts = The House of Seven Gables in Salem

Michigan = The Palace of Auburn Hills

Minnesota = The Softball Fields in Brooklyn Park

Mississippi = Square Books in Oxford

Missouri = Harry S Truman Home in Independence

Montana = Last Stand Hill at the Battle of Little Big Horn

Nebraska = A Gas Station in North Platte

Nevada = The Blackjack Tables at the Mirage

New Hampshire = Where the Old Man of the Mountain Once Stood

New Jersey = The Meadowlands in East Rutherford

New Mexico = The High Mesa Trail in Chaco Canyon

New York = Niagara Falls on the Niagara River

North Carolina = The Lobby at the Grove Park Inn

North Dakota = Fort Abraham Lincoln in Mandan

Ohio = The Professional Football Hall of Fame in Canton

Oklahoma = The Oklahoma City National Memorial in Oklahoma City

Oregon = Crater Lake National Park

Pennsylvania = The Hotel Hershey in Hershey

Rhode Island = The Breakers in Newport

South Carolina = The Five Points District in Columbia

South Dakota = Mount Moriah Cemetery in Deadwood

Tennessee = My Mom’s Kitchen

Texas = Keel Drug Store in Ballinger

Utah = Monument Valley in the Navajo Nation

Vermont = Interstate 91 from Massachusetts to Maine

Virginia = Mount Vernon near Old Town Alexandria

Washington = The Space Needle in Seattle

West Virginia = West Virginia University Campus in Morgantown

Wisconsin = The Softball Fields in Stevens Point

Wyoming = The Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone National Park

If I could choose one place in each state to go, then this is the list. Obviously, other people will have a different list. Let me know what a few of those locations might be.

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Syllabus, Syllabus

9 Jan

“From a little after two oclock until almost sundown of the long still hot weary dead September afternoon they sat in what Miss Coldfield still called the office because her father had called it that – a dim hot airless room….” Wait, that is the beginning of that other boring document by William Faulkner called “Absalom, Absalom”. The boring document I am blogging about is called “Syllabus, Syllabus”, in my opinion the worst chore for a member of a university faculty. And, it gets worse every semester.

When I began teaching a decade ago, I had no idea how to put together a syllabus. I had received a few in my student days but never realized what was in them. I paid attention to the assignments and the days they were due. Simple, right? Well, it is not as simple from the other end. My first syllabi were straight copies from another teacher. They had worked well for him through the years, and he figured they would work for me as well. And, they did. I looked at one a few hours ago and was stunned by its simplicity.

Contact information at the top.

A sentence about the course content.

An attendance statement (He didn’t count off for missing classes, and I have followed his example. However, he NEVER wanted anyone to show up late. At class time, he locked the door. Unfortunately, I can’t do that.)

A detailed description of the assignments and when they were due.

A grade scale.

That’s it. The syllabus took up 1 1/2 pages and provided everyone with the information they needed. Now, it isn’t that simple because the university has several items that they force us to put in. Most of it is federally regulated. Another example of the federal government getting out of control. I know the day will never come when the government decides to stay out of our daily lives, but one can hope.

That’s problem enough. However, the biggest problem is that federal guidelines and the university response to them changes all the time. In our meetings last week, we were told to put certain items in our syllabi that were completely different from what they told us last semester. Personally, I blame Franklin Roosevelt because he started these government shenanigans. At any rate, I just finished a couple of syllabi and thought some of you might get some blog-reading entertainment out of it.

The first part is simple and straightforward. At least, I think it is. To make sure that it is, I go over it with the class.

Name of the course. (It’s hard to believe how many people walk out during this part when they realize they are in the wrong place. A few more just stay to the end, so they won’t look stupid. That would probably be my choice. Even worse, last semester I had a kid come to class on the wrong day after we had been going for a month.. He sat through the whole thing and even asked a question.)

My office location. (It’s across the hall. I tell them that, and they still can’t find it. Hell, just ask someone where the office with the whores on the walls is.)

Course description. (By now, one person has gone to sleep)

Book for the course. (In one of my classes I use “Devil in the White City”. A few years ago the bookstore lady told me that a couple of African-American students said they were not reading a racist book. They thought “white city” meant white-ruled society, and they were being called “the devil”. It’s actually about the Columbian Exposition of 1893 and the serial killer that stalks its visitors.)

Attendance. (There is a four-paragraph official statement that we have to include. Simply, it says you have to go to class. After that, I put my own mark on it in all capital letters. DO NOT ENTER THIS CLASS LATE!!! It doesn’t work.

My tardiness. (If I am fifteen minutes late, then class is cancelled. I’ve never done it, but I had a teacher do it once. At fifteen minutes we stormed out of the room, and one of the kids ran over him on the stairs. The teacher was pissed off. But, you know what they say. It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on. Unless, you are into that kind of thing.)

Cell phone policy. (Teachers hate cell phones more than anything. Students always stick it between their legs and text. They think we can’t see. I always say that I don’t know what they are doing with their hand moving in their lap, but they probably shouldn’t be doing it in class.)

Conversing. (That’s a fancy word for talking and bothering me in class.)

Computer/iPad policy. (Last year, the university started giving iPads to incoming Freshmen. We also brag about being Tennessee’s first wireless campus. iPad + wireless campus = Angry Birds and Facebook in my class. I don’t allow them to be out.)

Learning disabilities statement. (This is one of the federal mandates, and I know that it is important. We have a paragraph informing students that if they have a disability, then they need to talk to our services coordinator. If I needed to talk to her, then I would. However, many people don’t and wait until the end of the semester to say something. That causes some real issues.)

Cheating policy. (This is a huge problem in higher education that all universities are trying to combat. We have developed a tracking system to find habitual offenders. Cheating comes in several forms. Plagiarism is easy to spot. The difficulty is discovering cheating on tests. There are some imaginative ways out there. If people put as much effort into studying as they do cheating techniques, then they might not need to cheat. We also have an honor code, and students have to sign a book in symbolism. It looks like the Hogwarts Book of Magic. I don’t think it works.)

Grade scale. (This is where I would really pay attention if I was a student. These are the numbers that measure your success. However, I am shocked at the end of the semester when students ask why they got a B or something. They have seen their grades and can average them as well as I can. But, they never understand what happened.)

Assignments. (Now, this is where my ears would perk up. I lay out everything in detail. What to do. How to type. Font. Double-spaced. Margins. Everything. I always have people use bigger font to take up more pages. There is always one person that single-spaces. Then, someone else will quadruple-space. I spend all my time grading those kinds of issues. On the first day of class, I say that if you follow my instructions you will pass. Many are snoring by this time.)

Chain of command. (Another statement forced on us by the school. We have to write the chain of command for student complaints. From me, to my dean, to the VP of academic affairs, and all the way to the president. I have one going up the chain now because he thinks he is supposed to get an A for being him.)

Due dates. (Another instance where I would listen. They are given the dates that tests will take place and assignments are due. I take no assignments late. This is 2012, but I know the Mayan prophecies are wrong. The end of the world will not be December 21 because it always happens on assignment day. Computers crash. Printers run out of ink. Grandmothers die. People go to the hospital. Traffic jams are everywhere. Pestilence has spread across the land. Barbarians are at the gates. It is the end of the world.)

And, that is the end of this blog. I hope “Syllabus, Syllabus” was more exciting than “Absalom, Absalom”.

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A Historian’s Office

6 Jan

Two days of constant meetings have melted my mind, and the only sounds I can hear over the drone of voices are my brain cells screaming as they leap to their deaths. As I sit in my office in an attempt to recover, I  can’t think of anything clever or interesting to write about. Therefore, I am going to take the easy way out and describe what I see – my office.

My office has turned into a popular hangout on campus, and I sometimes describe it as the El Paso train station. People are always coming and going. Students and teachers drop by to visit on a regular basis, and they often comment on the things I have scattered about. Of course, that is once they get past the darkness of it all. I keep all lights off except for one desk lamp. I have been accused of being a vampire; of trying to be mysterious; and of being a cave-dweller. I usually reply that I do my best work in the dark, but the truth is that the bigger lights hurt my eyes. Whatever the complaints and smart comments, people must like my office because someone is always in it.

With that in mind, I am going to attempt this blog experiment to test my descriptive skills. I am going to sit at my desk and describe the things I can see. We will do this in categories.

Category 1 – Wall Hangings

As I look to my left, there are four things hanging on the wall.

1. An old print of a cattle drive that I stole out of one of the classrooms. The teacher in that room is a Native American, so I figured he didn’t want cowboys in there anyway. Two cowboys are riding hard to stop a stampede that began with a lightning storm.

2. A photograph of Ulysses S. Grant. It is an iconic photo of the general as he leans against a tree. The best part is his original signature that is matted underneath.

3. A collection of Confederate money. There are six Confederate bills – One, Two, Five, Ten, Twenty, Fifty – matted and framed. There are a lot of Sons of Confederate Veterans members around here who wish the money was still good.

4. A photograph of Adolph Hitler and a Nazi arm band. It is a typical picture of the tyrant in civilian clothes. Like the photo of Grant, the most interesting part of this item is the document included with his original signature. I explain to everyone that I am not a Nazi. I simply think it is a remarkable piece of history.

Now, I move to the wall in front of me.

1. Above the door, there hangs a panoramic of the Tennessee Maneuvers. When the U.S. entered World War II, the military believed that troops needed to be seasoned with war games before going to Europe. Tennessee is geographically similar to where they were going, and the area was selected for that purpose. My university was chosen as the headquarters, as troops fought battles; liberated cities; and built bridges across rivers.

2. A plaque given to me after serving as honorary coach for our men’s basketball team. It was a resounding victory.

3. A plaque given to me in recognition for serving on the community council of a local bank.

4. A plaque given to me as the “Most Outstanding Faculty Member” for last year. I was proud of this because I beat my mentor before he retired. He had won the award a million years in a row.

5. A certificate honoring me as a Colonel Aide de Camp for the governor of Tennessee. They pass these things out like candy. It is the same certificate given to Harlan Sanders in Kentucky. He wasn’t a real colonel. He was  a fake one like me.

6. A drawing of the old county courthouse. It was consistently voted the ugliest courthouse in Tennessee and was demolished before I was born.

I hope this is not getting monotonous. On to the wall on my right.

1. My favorite plaque. It reads, “On This Site In 1897 Nothing Happened”. I got it at the Longwood Plantation in Natchez, Mississippi. Some of you may know it better as the home of the king of Mississippi in “True Blood”.

2. A license of prostitution given to Rosita del Oro in 1876. This probably attracts the males to my office because it is included with a photograph of a nude woman playing a harp.

3. The next item covers a lot of the wall. I took a lot of pictures of the Dumas Brothel when I researched it in Butte, Montana. Upon my return, I had a local artist paint a few of the photographs. This one depicts the interior of a crib, a one room shack that prostitutes would work out of. A woman is sitting by the window in an attempt to draw customers. I will blog more later about the women of the cribs.

Finally, the wall behind me.

1. Another painting of the Dumas depicts the outside of the building. It is a two-story brick building that the artist placed in a Victorian setting. I am not real happy about the woman in the window. She looks a lot like Morticia Addams.

Category 2 – Filing Cabinet Decor

1. A magnetic fish with legs and Darwin written inside of it. I picked it up in Santa Fe and have to hide it when my parents come around.

2. A sticker of George Washington with a dialogue bubble that says, “I grew hemp.” I believe he was the largest producer in the colonies.

3. A magnetic voodoo doll that I bought in New Orleans. I haven’t tried it out yet, but people better watch out.

4. A bumper sticker with an alien on it that says, “You Don’t Scare Me. I’m A Teacher!” It came from the UFO Museum in Roswell, New Mexico, one of the greatest museums ever.

5. On top of the cabinet sits an original World War I German helmet – the kind with the spike on top. They would jab it into the ground and use it as a cooking pot. They used it as another got of pot as well. You can use your imagination.

Category 3 – Bookshelf Without Books

Top shelf first.

1. A miniature of the Roman Coliseum. I got it in Rome.

2. A candle from the San Xavier del Bac in Tucson, Arizona. An ex-girlfriend got it for me, and I finally visited the site last year.

3. A model of the Mayflower, the boat filled with pilgrims searching for religious freedom. Ugh. The real story of the Mayflower is a lot more interesting.

4. Two bobbleheads. One is a sheik wearing sunglasses. The other is a Muslim woman wearing an abaya. This is not an attempt at a political or religious statement. They were given to me by an ex-girlfriend who moved to the UAE. They sold them. She bought them. I displayed them.

Next shelf.

1. A textbook on Western Civilization. This is very outdated.

2. A book called, “Pauline’s: Memories of the Madam on Clay Street”. It was given to me by the university president and chronicles the life of a madam in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

3. Another book titled, “Life of Tom Horn”. He was a prominent figure in the cattle wars of Wyoming. Bad ending, they hung him.

4. And another book called, “Intimate Papers of Colonel House”. I have not read this. It is an old book gifted to me by a professor who passed away.

5. A little set of nuns and priests playing poker. This is from the same ex-girlfriend who gave the candle to me. These little guys came from Italy. I wouldn’t want to sit across the table from any one of them.

5. Along side those things is my Masters thesis about prostitution in mining camps of the American West. I don’t have much to say about this, except that I finished it.

The bottom shelf (I know. Thank God!)

1. A replica of a statue on campus. It was built to honor the laborers who built my building during the Great Depression. It is meant to symbolize the New Deal and other aspects of the era. Unfortunately, it is out of proportion and looks like a midget.

2. A brick from this building that was dislodged during renovation. It was originally laid in 1936 and looks like it.

3. A beer stein decorated with John Wayne pictures. I can’t help it. John Wayne is my all time favorite actor. Inside the stein, I placed glass sunflowers that a weird female student once gave me. Don’t ask.

I suppose this should end, but I can’t describe a historian’s office without listing a few books. We all have to have books. So, I will name the first book I see on each shelf.

Category 4 – Books

1. “Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Early West” by Anne Seagraves

2. “The Pueblo Revolt of 1680: Conquest and Resistance in Seventeenth-Century New Mexico” by Andrew L. Knaut

3. “Parlor Politics: In Which the Ladies of Washington Help Build a City and a Government” by Catherine Allgor

4. “Authenticated History of the Bell Witch, and Other Stories of the World’s Greatest Unexplained Phenomenon” by M.V. Ingram

5. “Awash in a Sea of Faith: Christianizing the American People” by Jon Butler

6. “Mining Town: The Photographic Record of T.N. Barnard and Nellie Stockbridge from the Couer d’Alenes” by Patricia Hart and Ivar Nelson

Thankfully, that’s it. Oh, you may be wondering about my desk. Classes haven’t started yet, so there is nothing on it except sunglasses and a lamp.

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Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief

3 Jan

During my high school days, my friends and I spent a lot of time cruising Main Street. We would swap up driving duties, but the route was always the same. Circle through the Kroger parking lot. Head down Main. Circle through Sonic. Then, head back up Main to Kroger. Along the way, we stopped in parking lots to talk or just talk between cars as we drove. Sometimes, we drove all the way to the town square, but a more redneck crowd hung out there. But, no matter the car or the route, we always had the stereo cranked up.

Our cruising soundtrack could come from the popular stations or cassettes, but it included 70s and 80s gold. Rock was the norm with AC/DC, Aerosmith, KISS, Black Sabbath and Guns n’ Roses. Sometimes, things got lighter with The Eagles, U2, The Police or The Cars. I don’t really believe there is such a thing as the “Good Ol’ Days”, but things were relatively idyllic. They were funny too as we played practical jokes and got into as much mischief as possible. However, nothing was more funny than when I was cruising with my best friend.

I put in an AC/DC greatest hits cassette, and we were rocking out. “Hell’s Bells”. “Highway to Hell”. “Back in Black”. Then, “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” came on, and my buddy started singing, “Dirty deeds and thunder chief.” I must have had a weird look on his face because he suddenly stopped.

What?

Why are you singing Thunder Chief?

That’s what the song says.

No, it doesn’t.

Yeah, it does.

I hit rewind, and we listened again.

See, it says Thunder Chief. It’s about an Indian.

No, it’s not. It’s about dirty deeds that are done dirt cheap.

We argued about it for 30 minutes, and on January 2, 2012 he still thinks the song says Thunder Chief.

I was thinking about this the other day and began to think about songs that I got wrong. Mistaken lyrics have become a popular Internet search, and entire websites are dedicated to the musical misconceptions of people. I realize that some of my mistakes are probably typical, but hopefully they are not too stupid.

1. Rocky Mountain Way by Joe Walsh – This actually came from a conversation with a high school friend. He was an Alabama fan, and I was a Tennessee fan. For those from other parts of the world, these two types of creatures do not mix very well. We had a basketball coach at the time named Don DeVoe that wasn’t very good, and my friend said listen to this:

Out to pasture

Think it’s safe to say

Don Devoe’s been fired.

I thought this was fantastic – a rock legend was a Tennessee fan and agreed with me that our coach needed to be gone. Later, I figured out that the line was:

Out to pasture

Think it’s safe to say

Time to open fire.

2. Blinded By the Light – Manfred Mann’s Earth Band – I know this one is typical because the pronunciation is not very clear when they sing:

Blinded by the light

Wrapped up like a douche

Another runner in the night.

I always thought that was so cool. What a Hell of a thing to say in a song – wrapped up like a douche. Unfortunately for me, it says:

Blinded by the light

Revved up like a deuce

Another runner in the night.

What really makes this one funny is that the line is repeated over and over throughout the song. I still think the first way is better.

3. A Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harum – This one isn’t as funny, but it is one of my favorite songs. Therefore, I should know how it does. The line that always messes me up is:

As the miller told his tale,

That her face at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale.

I always thought it was “mirror” instead of “miller”. In fact, I think my version is an improvement. Think about her looking in a mirror to see how she looks. It isn’t literally telling her, but it is informing her about how appearance.

So, there are a few of the songs that I have misheard (or improved upon) through the years. I am sure that there are a lot more, but they escape me at the moment. What are some of your favorite misheard lyrics? I would find it interesting to hear.

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For the Love of Post Apocalyptic Movies

30 Dec

I love post apocalyptic movies, and I am not sure why. The entire premise involves the destruction of life as we know it and the decimation of the human race….wait, maybe that’s it. The theme invokes a fantasy of solitude that we can never truly reach and also offers a do-over for the mistakes that the human race has made. Many of us are fascinated by this genre, and it just occurred to me that it could be because of a hidden message. Post apocalyptic movies are not just about the end but also about a new beginning. They can also be classified as futuristic westerns (which is my other favorite genre) since they inherently create a new frontier.

But, enough philosophizing about movies and their hidden themes and attractions. Here is the list of my favorite post apocalyptic movies. Like other lists on this blog, there is no particular order.

1. Damnation Alley (1977) – Nuclear war has disrupted the planet’s atmosphere and caused the skies to become a psychedelic ceiling of a disco. Giant bugs roam the desert around a distant military outpost. The survivors build awesome vehicles to move them across the barren landscape to a radio signal coming from Albany, NY.

This film provides cool 1970s special effects and acting. It has George Peppard transitioning from suave (Banacek) to his later roles as a commando (A-Team). It also has two of the great 3-named stars of the 1970s, Jan-Michael Vincent and Jackie Earle Haley.

2. The Omega Man (1971) – Charlton Heston stars as the “last” man on Earth after a virus has killed almost everyone and turned the rest into zombies that are a cross between Hippies and black robe wearing members of the Church of Satan. There is a lot to like about this movie – Heston driving through an abandoned Los Angeles and going to the movies (why would you sit in the dark when that’s where the zombies live?); Heston’s home with a balcony where he can give speeches to the zombies; the hot woman who Heston has sex with before she turns into a zombie (remember, he is that last man – not last human); the ritual/torture scene in the middle of a football stadium; and Anthony Zerbe as the news anchor turned zombie leader.

Will Smith tried to recreate this in “I Am Legend”, but how can you beat those sunglasses?

3. The Postman (1997) – In 2013 (wow, that’s not far off), the United States has collapsed after another Civil War. Kevin Costner roams the land while trying to avoid the militaristic leaders who have taken control of different regions. Think of feudalism of the Middle Ages coming to America. Anyway, Costner stumbles on some mail and begins to deliver it as a way to access fortified towns. Eventually, this becomes a unifying practice that brings hope of a rebuilding government. Feudal lords do not need a rebuilt government, so fighting commences.

The fighting mailman wins and helps repopulate the globe by impregnating another man’s wife. In the end, the United States is back and regular looking people are dedicating a statue to him. In essence, it’s like the end of civilization never happened. I just hope that Tom Petty got to keep his cool house on the dam.

4. Planet of the Apes (1968) – Charlton Heston strikes again as an astronaut that finds himself on a planet of backwardness. The apes can talk and are in charge while humans can’t talk and run around the wilderness. Unfortunately for him, he has a throat injury that hinders his speech for a while, and his surviving space mate has had a lobotomy. When Heston finally talks, the apes are stunned.

Of course, we do not realize that this is post apocalyptic Earth until the very end and the iconic scene of the destroyed Statue of Liberty. It goes to prove that if you are recruited to go on a time shifting space mission, then you should stay at home.

5. Logan’s Run (1976) – Life inside the dome is perfect. Days are filled with leisure, and everyone is attractive. If you want some private time with one of these attractive people, then all you have to do is dial one up on the computer. However, there are some pesky problems – at the age of 30 everyone must take part in Carousel (DEATH), and the ones who try to run from it are tracked down by Sandmen. Clothes (what little of them there are) are color coordinated according to age. Wearing red means your time is running out. Green means you are alright (as you can see).

Sandman Logan is given the task of investigating the rules of society. In the process, the becomes a runner with the damsel above and is chased by his former best friend. During the run, Logan escapes from the domed city and reaches a destroyed Washington, D.C., where he finds an old man living in the Capitol with a bunch of cats (I am sure they are smarter than the cats we have there now.). Logan kills his former friend and returns to the city with the old man, proof that you don’t have to die at 30. But, you can still dial up sex partners if you want.

6. Soylent Green (1973) – This must be Charlton Heston’s “end of the world” period, but I am not sure this qualifies as post apocalyptic. The world is overcrowded and food is at a premium. Only the wealthy can eat steaks and stuff. Everyone else must eat soylent green, which is supposedly made of plankton. Heston is a New York City police officer who embarks on a mystery.

At the end of his investigation, Heston discovers that “SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!”. That’s one way to feed an overcrowded population. Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. And, Edward G. Robinson, in his last movie, commits suicide and presumably gets eaten.

7. Priest (2011) – This is definitely post apocalyptic, but it could be another world. Does that mean it doesn’t count? It still counts on my list. The world has been ravaged by a war between humans and vampires. The humans won by employing Priests, a team of church trained commandos, and vampires are confined to reservations. Now, the vampires are tired of reservation life and are on the rampage. They attack a homestead and kidnap the niece of a war veteran. He, along with a sidekick, go on an epic journey to save his niece (which is really his daughter) and put the vampires back in their place.

It is a typical movie, but as I watched it I got the feeling that I had seen it before. First, “savages” attack a homestead and kidnap a young girl. Second, her uncle, a hardened veteran and old “savage” fighter goes after her. Third, a young sidekick who cares for the girl travels by his side. Fourth, the uncle says he will kill her if she has turned “savage”.

This is “The Searchers” with vampires in the place of Native Americans and the Priest in the place of John Wayne. They took my favorite Western and placed it in a post apocalyptic setting.

There you have it – a short list of my favorite post apocalyptic movies. Some of them are considered classics and some of theme are considered a waste of film, but I found something to like about all of them. There are others that could have been included:

Blade Runner (although I fell asleep watching it)

The Book of Eli (a cheap knock-off of “The Road” before “The Road” could be made into a movie)

Escape from New York (call me Snake)

The Running Man (with an awesome Richard Dawson)

V For Vendetta (Remember the Fifth of November and its connection to Halloween)

Rollerball (JONATHAN! JONATHAN!)

12 Monkeys (watch out for familiar looking guys in airports)

The Road (better than Denzel’s version but not as good as the novel)

But honestly, I got tired of typing. There are so many movies in this genre that I find enjoyable that I couldn’t include them all. What is your favorite movie genre? If you like post apocalyptic stuff, then what are your favorites? And don’t forget, “The Hunger Games” are about to begin.

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