Tag Archives: iPad

Running From the Giant Monkey Monster

29 Jan

My girlfriend left her iPad at my house. On the surface, this would seem to be a bad thing for her because she can’t use it for anything – especially the solitaire game that she is addicted to. However, this episode has turned into a bad thing for me because her daughter downloaded Temple Run 2. I picked it up; started playing it; and am addicted.

For the uninformed, Temple Run 2 is the sequel to Temple Run, a game that I have never played because I hate games that have no ending. It is impossible to beat them. Yet, I keep trying. That’s where the addiction part comes in. A good friend of mine says that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the outcome to change. It’s official that Temple Run 2 has driven me crazy.

The game has an Indiana Jones wannabe stealing a golden idol from a temple.

Meet Guy Dangerous

Meet Guy Dangerous

There is also another guy and a couple of gals that try to steal the idol. Stealing a golden idol seems easy, but, like Indiana Jones, the act unleashes a torrent of peril. This peril comes in the form of a giant monkey monster that is standing guard. You don’t see him much because he is always behind you, but being caught looks something like this.

Meet Giant Monkey Monster

Meet Giant Monkey Monster

Guy, or whoever else you are using, runs through the temple ruins while this thing chases him. Along the way, he soars through the air on ropes; jumps over rapids and knocked out bridges; slides under fire and rocks; rides the rails through abandoned mines; and does everything else that he can to get away.

But, that’s the thing about the game. You never get away. No matter how good you are the outcome is always death. It’s like life I suppose. Except, this death involves falling off a cliff; drowning; being burned alive; or getting eaten by the giant monkey monster. That’s the crazy part. You can’t win.

Just once, I would like for Guy Dangerous to turn into the real Indiana Jones and do this:Indiana JonesDo the sensible thing and pull out a gun to shoot the bad guy. Then, I can win the game.

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Late Night Blogging

17 Mar

I had a decent idea for a post this evening, but I got to the computer later than I anticipated. On top of that, my head kind of hurts and my contacts are fogging up. What does it say that I am blogging under such conditions? It says that I really like doing this, and I feel an obligation to myself and to you dear readers. However, due to the lateness I am going to take the easy way out once again and allow this post to be generated for me.

“Inspiro” was one of the first apps I downloaded on my iPad. It is simply a random word generator that is supposed to help writers get through the dreaded block. It doesn’t really do that, but it does generate some strange word combinations. It can be set to different ratings for children and adults (mine is on full blast) and has three different categories of creations. So, I am going to crank up each section and see what pops out.

The Muse – I believe this one makes sentence fragments to get a plot started.

1. deadly dolphins with a midget – This brings forth an interesting scene. A little person floating in the ocean (much like the opening scenes of Jaws) with dolphins jumping around. Deadly? They could have fangs, or they could be strapped with bombs. It seems that our government tried that once, but I could be mixing that up with a James Bond movie.

2. good-as-new-mules high as a kite – At this moment, I can only think of The Six Million Dollar Man. We can rebuild him, except this time they are rebuilding Francis the Talking Mule. Does anyone remember him? And, if a mule is talking, then somebody has to be high.

3. Venezuelan buttocks on Neptune – I am not sure what buttocks in Venezuela look like, but I know a lot of the ones in Brazil are pretty amazing. Therefore, I envision an old 1950s Sci-Fi movie where a band of bikini-clad South American women fly to Neptune to prevent an alien invasion. The aliens are defeated so soundly that they have to retreat to Uranus.

Scenarios – This section comes up with interesting situations to build from.

1. a deer talking to a ho with a heart of gold – Disclaimer: My research delves into the world of prostitution in the Old West. As an expert in historical ho’s, I know that the “ho with a heart of gold” is a rare find. In fact, finding a talking deer may be easier.

2. your dog undressing for an elephant – If you see your dog dancing on a pole, then you might want to get a new dog. This one will eventually run off the land of ho’s. Apparently, this land is filled with elephants throwing dollar bills from their trunks.

3. a disrespectful pony walking toward a pony – It’s high noon on a dusty street. The sun is high and the tempers are higher. A lawman is standing in the street as an outlaw walks slowly toward him. A classic western? Not hardly. This one is about the horses. A stallion faces a wild mustang, and the fastest hoof wins.

The Daydream Machine – This ones generates phrases at a constant rate. It only stops when you find one that you like and want to focus on.

1. Mystery contributes to hot sex. – I will let your imagine run with this one. But, I will say that this sentence actually makes sense.

2. Knowledge is sometimes the unknowable. – Hmmm. I do not know if I know what this means. I know that it is either deep or shallow.

3. Dreaming contains traces of drugs and Rock & Roll. – I have to think. There seems to be a third item missing. Let’s see. Drugs. Rock & Roll. Drugs. Rock & Roll. What’s the third thing that goes with that? That must be the part of my dreams that I can never remember. I need the Inception crew to help me figure that out.

4. Knowledge looks like Lucifer. – This is what the Catholic Church said when they threatened Galileo. It is also what a lot of people say when the subject of Evolution comes up. Knowing something has to be evil, right? Remember the Gospel of George Michael – You gotta have faith.

After all of that, what do you think about “Inspiro”? I think it is entertaining at times.

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