The last episode of the Christmas Tree Adventure ended with the tree in the garage. Things were going well. We were relaxing in the house. The tree was relaxing in the garage. However, we needed to water the tree. That was a job that I could handle, so I braved the cold garage with a bottle full of water. Then, I went back into the house and back to relaxing.
Despite all of the relaxing, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong in the garage. I went back and found that the tree had fallen over. Had the addition of water made it shift? I had no idea, but I knew we had an issue. The tree couldn’t be on the ground all night. My wife and I stood it up, but it wouldn’t stand up. We knew that was a problem but decided to prop it up in the corner and deal with it later.
Later turned out to be the next afternoon. She grabbed the top of the tree, and I grabbed the bottom. Off to the front door we went, and, as we made our way through the door, leaves and small branches went everywhere. The floor looked like the green carpet of a forest in a Disney cartoon. There was stuff everywhere.
We had picked out a corner by the fireplace to put the tree and got it in position. But, it wouldn’t stand. We shifted it. We tightened the screws. We did everything we could think of, but it wouldn’t stand. My wife wanted a perfect tree, and I had been saying that there is no perfect tree. However, this tree was far from perfect. When we let it go, it would always fall.
That’s when my wife said that we should have gotten it at a nursery. They deliver it and set it up and everything. I immediately wanted to know why I had never heard of this before. We have a tree that won’t stand. That could be because the tree is crooked or because we don’t know what we are doing. Either way, I knew the perfect place for this tree.
We went to the nearest nursery and got a tree. They had that thing delivered and standing within 30 minutes. This may have been the greatest thing I have ever seen. When my stepdaughter got home from school, we started laying everything out to decorate. We got the lights. We got the ornaments. Then, this happened.
Unbelievable, the tree that was straight and that was put up by experts had fallen over. We lifted it. We tightened the screws. We got it to stand. Let the decorating begin.
The lights. The ornaments. We had finally gotten the tree finished, and it looked great.
My stepdaughter went to bed, and we sat down to enjoy our work. That’s when my wife said something that caught my attention. The tree looked like it was leaning. I looked up and knew that it wasn’t leaning. It was falling. I jumped up and caught the tree before it made it to the ground.
There I was holding up and fully decorated tree. What happens now? As I held it, my wife crawled underneath and started messing with the bolts. I let it go, and it fell the other way. It was my turn to mess with the base. She held it, and I crawled underneath. It still wouldn’t stay up. For an hour, we took turns holding it up and crawling underneath it.
That’s when I made the big declaration. If it falls one more time, then we are taking everything off and throwing it in the woods. We will get the artificial one and decorate it. My wife messed with the screws one more time. I don’t know what she did. She doesn’t know what she did. All we know is that the Christmas tree is standing – for now.
SBI: A Thinning Crowd 
Ahhh sweet memories of fallen Christmas trees and trees with trunks too large and unbalanced trees and trees that are possessed with evil!
Hope it stays standing.
I hope it does, too. I would hate to star in a Christmas tree version of The Exorcist.
“Plastics, Benjamin. Plastics.”
I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Plastics.
The Pope himself would have a hard time topping this story.
If the Pope was telling it, then there would have been an animal fly out of it. Scratch that. A deer would have flown out of it.
I sold those rascals one year I became an expert on Scotch Pines. It was a bitter winter (of course) and my feet were freezing most of the time. My bosses name was McClinchy. Yeah. The original grinch. I made next to nothing … but gained yet another valuable ‘life lesson’.
Merry Christmas !!
There is really someone named McClinchy? I am glad to know an expert on Scotch Pines. You should write a post about your tree selling experience.
You’ve got a base problem. Or a screw problem. Not a tree problem. Good luck!
Thanks. It’s been standing for a while. Hopefully, the problem is fixed.