A Confession is Brewing

18 Sep

I have a confession to make to the readers of this blog. It is something that many people who know me have a difficult time understanding. It places me in a minority of people who others may think of as strange, weird, un-American and totally out of the loop. What is my confession?

I do not drink coffee.

Understand that I know a lot of people who love coffee. My wife cannot start her day properly without a cup or two. Other members of my family are also coffee drinkers. One of my good friends at work always has a styrofoam cup in his hand, which led me to buy this for his office door.image-12

Heck, I was having a meeting with another coworker when he asked if I wanted some coffee. When I told him that I did not drink coffee, he looked at me like I had three heads.

I know that they, and millions of other people, love coffee. However, I never grasped that love. I am sure this is because my parents did not drink coffee, but, as I grew up, the urge never hit me.

When I was in high school, my summer job was working on the loading dock of a factory. Imagine working in a metal building during the hottest and most humid part of the year. It was a job where everyone looked forward to break time, where they could get into the air conditioning and get a cold drink.

At least, I looked forward to getting a cold drink. Several of my coworkers would pour a hot cup of coffee. I could never understand that. I needed to feel something cold, and they were taking in hot liquid. They explained it by saying that coffee actually cooled you off better than something cold. I think that was crap. There is nothing sensible about drinking something hot while working in a hot factory.

I will give them credit for drinking their coffee black. What is that old cowboy saying? Coffee is not strong enough unless a horseshoe can stand up in it. These days, people drink coffee with sugar, whipped cream, cinnamon, pumpkin spice, peppermint and other kinds of flavors. For this, I cannot blame them. If I was going to drink coffee, then I would want to cover up the taste, too.

When I was a kid, my mom used to get mad when I refused to eat something because it tasted bad. She would always ask if I had ever tried it. That argument does not fly with coffee. I have tried it, and it does not suit my palate. Those guys in the factory break room used to say that you had to acquire a taste for coffee. I was told the same thing about beer and have the same response about both. If I do not like something the first time I try it, then why would I want to drink it until I like it? You either like something, or you do not.

As someone who does not like coffee, I realize that I have missed out on the coffeehouse experience. I think it would be cool to hang out in a coffeehouse and be Bohemian for a while. Get away from the hustle and bustle of life; sit by a fire with a steaming cup; and listen to someone singing with an acoustic guitar. Or, go in with a laptop and scroll blogs while a poetry reading goes on in the background.

I am not kidding about that last paragraph. I really feel like I have missed out by not emersing myself in that atmosphere on occasion. To me, that would be the one plus of being a coffee lover. However, here is the thing. Most coffee drinkers do not take advantage of that break from real life. They pull up to the drive-thru window and take the coffee into the hustle and bustle with them.

Look, I have an issue with drive-thru windows, anyway. One of my early blog posts was about the uselessness of a drive-thru window at Sonic, and I will walk into a place a thousand times before pulling up to the window. There is something more personal about doing business inside a business. However, I think the drive-thru at a coffeehouse truly takes away from the whole reason coffeehouses exist in the first place.

This is not a knock at people who drink coffee. I think it is wonderful that they have something that gives them that much satisfaction and pleasure. However, I will take my caffeine cold and carbonated in a Coke Zero. If I could get those coffeehouses to turn themselves into Coke Zero houses, then the world would be a perfect place.

17 Responses to “A Confession is Brewing”

  1. Marilyn Armstrong September 18, 2014 at 20:01 #

    I didn’t like coffee until I was in my mid thirties. I started liking it when I lived in Israel. It turns out, I didn’t like the coffee I had tried, but there was a lot of coffee in the world. I liked (still like) stronger coffee than most Americans drink and can’t drink stuff that comes in big cans from the supermarket. Garry didn’t drink coffee until he was — are your ready? — well into his 60s. It turns out, he likes GOOD coffee.

    But even if you hate the stuff forever, any guy who teaches history and likes westerns is a real American in MY book 🙂

    • Rick September 18, 2014 at 20:23 #

      60s? Maybe there is hope for me after all. Who doesn’t like westerns? That’s truly un-American.

  2. frontrangescribbles September 19, 2014 at 00:01 #

    I’m in your club, I don’t drink it either. It amazes the people I work with that I don’t.

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 00:12 #

      I still can’t figure out why they are amazed.

  3. Mark R. Cheathem September 19, 2014 at 00:29 #

    I only started drinking coffee last December. (Confession #1: I add Ovaltine to cut the taste.)

    Confession #2: I also hate drive-thru windows. I’ll get out in the pouring rain to go inside if I have to.

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 12:14 #

      I am glad to have a fellow drive-thru hater around.

  4. NotAPunkRocker September 19, 2014 at 00:46 #

    You are not alone. I, too, only receive caffeine via carbonation (though my poison is Diet Pepsi). I’ve tried everything, mainly because coffee at home would at least save me some money, but to no avail.

    I tried. More coffee for the rest of them, is what I say.

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 12:16 #

      Yep, they can have all the coffee they want. Give me cold and carbonated. Thanks for commenting.

  5. Ash September 19, 2014 at 00:55 #

    I hate coffee. People told me I’m just not drinking the right kind or that I should’ve started in college, but I never did. People can’t like what everyone else does.

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 12:17 #

      True words. That’s the thing about coffee people. If you don’t like it, then you are doing it wrong.

  6. John September 19, 2014 at 12:13 #

    I don’t drink coffee either. Tea on the other hand…

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 12:18 #

      It tastes a whole lot better.

  7. Andrew Petcher September 19, 2014 at 12:34 #

    A cup of tea is also supposed to cool you down in the heat. I don’t drink coffee because I hate coffee breath!

    • Rick September 19, 2014 at 14:14 #

      I’ll drink to that. Having tea makes me feel sophisticated.

    • DyingNote October 7, 2014 at 13:43 #

      Andrew, there’s such a thing as tea breath too though not quite as much a knockout as one powered by coffee!

  8. DyingNote October 7, 2014 at 13:47 #

    It takes all kinds. I don’t drink Coke…except with rum. I used to drink a lot of coffee. Then one day a few years back I stopped it as a habit. I still drink coffee occasionally but not at home – at a coffee shop or at my parents’ where the only time they make it is when I drop in 🙂

    • Rick October 7, 2014 at 14:45 #

      I think our tastes change through the years, but I will always like some sort of liquor in Coke.

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