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I Wonder….

13 Nov

whatever happened to Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka.Jimmy Snuka

what happened to the art of shooting free throws.

who came up with the idea of bottling water, which we can get for free, and selling it.

why we have to fall back and spring ahead.

if Willie Nelson really smoked a joint on the roof of the White House.

why they can’t make the Incredible Hulk look real in the movies.

where D.B. Cooper went after the jumped out of the airplane.

why I think of The Wicker Man movie when I sit in a wicker chair.The Wicker Man

how many people have actually cured the hiccups by holding their breath.

if people in Afghanistan make afghan blankets.Afghan

what would have happened if Jimi Hendrix had not been discharged from the 101st Airborne.

how hot the world’s hottest pepper is.Trinidad Scorpion

how much a ton of money is worth.

who has the toughest job in the world.

if the Lone Ranger and Zorro ever gave each other fashion tips.Lone Ranger and Zorro

if I can come up with a better idea for a post next time.

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The Great Pumpkin Carving Escapade – The Sequel

30 Oct

Last year, we carved pumpkins for Halloween, and I wrote a post about it. That post has been getting a lot of hits lately because people are searching for pumpkin carvings. Unfortunately, it was not my best work. I forgot to take pictures of the pumpkins that we carved and had to resort to other means. This post is going to set things right.

I know that we carved pumpkins when I was a kid, but I don’t remember much about it. They were the simple kind with triangles for eyes and a mouth with jagged teeth. I guess that’s what most people did. That means last year was my first foray into fancy pumpkin carving with the tracing tools and the special implements.

Overall, it went well. Everyone’s carving came out like it looked in the picture. The only problem was that the cap of my pumpkin fell in. I was determined that nothing like that would happen again.

This year didn’t go as smoothly. My stepdaughter was in the middle of a book that she wanted to get back to. My wife carved in the wrong spot and decided to stop. Mine came out alright and ended up on the front porch. Obviously, they haven’t realized the trick that makes pumpkin carving a success. You stick your tongue out as you concentrate on your work.

The great think about this year is that I took pictures and am offering them up for your entertainment.

The pumpkins started out looking like this.Pumpkins and Dogs 001

Notice that one of them is sitting on the obituaries. Scary, right?

The next step is cutting out the top and pulling out the guts. Necole said something about this feeling like putting your hand in a human body. Hopefully, she doesn’t have experience in that field.Pumpkin 1

This is another view of the operating table.Pumpkin 2

Next, you are supposed to tape the picture to the pumpkin and prepare to trace the lines. This is my favorite part, and I have no idea why. I guess it’s the cleanest.Pumpkin 4

I don’t think I would make a good killer. Stabbing someone is messy. Maybe, I got perforate them to death by tracing the outline of a ghost on them.

Despite that, there comes a time when you have to dig in and start dismembering.Pumpkin 5

Necole is way better at this than I am. In fact, I think she stuck her tongue out a few times.

Carving up pumpkins is tiring, and we took a break. That’s when Daisy Dog studied the scene to see what we were up to.Pumpkin 6

I wish I knew what she was thinking. It was probably something along the lines of, “What are you stabbing those orange things? Just lie on the back of the couch like I do. It’s a lot more relaxing.”

She could be right. We cut and hacked and sawed and got one pumpkin completely carved.Pumpkin 7

We put it on the front porch and realized that we didn’t have a candle to put in it.

I must say that carving pumpkins with my family is fun, and I wish it happened more than once a year. Next time, I am going to attempt a carving that looks like Daisy Dog.

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Emersed in the Subculture that is NASCAR

23 Oct

This past weekend, I went to the NASCAR race at the Talladega Superspeedway with my brother, my nephew and some friends. We had a lot of fun hanging out and, in general, acting like a bunch of guys. We traveled on a luxury bus. You know, the kind that famous people rent to take on tour. Our bus had recently been used by John Cena, the WWE star. Considering that the NASCAR fans surrounding us are probably WWE fans, I thought it was a fitting coincidence.John Cena 2

Wait, did I just stereotype NASCAR fans? I didn’t mean to do that. In my mind, NASCAR fans represent a subculture within the larger framework of society. Numerous subcultures exist in our country, and each one of them can be stereotyped by those who do not understand it or do not want to understand it. Heck, we are all part of one. I am a fan of a Southeastern Conference university. That’s a subculture. I am a blogger. That’s a subculture, too. My dad used to be in the cattle business, and I can promise you that cow people are a subculture.

As I said, NASCAR is one of many subcultures, and all subcultures lead themselves to be stereotyped and parodied. I started thinking about this somewhere around the halfway point of the race. The beginning of the race is always cool, and the end is always exciting. However, the middle gets to be somewhat tedious. After all, it is just a bunch of cars going around in a circle.

Anyway, I began to analyze my surroundings and came up with some thoughts.

1. NASCAR fans embrace the stereotypes and parodies. They have to because they cheered for the Wonder Bread car, which was the car driven by Will Ferrell in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Surely, they realized that this car represented a movie that made fun of them and their sport.Ricky Bobby

They must also embrace the stereotypes and parodies in what they wear to the race. Surely, someone who wears a white t-shirt with a hole cut in the front so their beer belly can hang out is doing it for laughs. Surely, they realize that this is what non-NASCAR fans assume they wear and, in turn, are making a statement by embracing this unrealistic view.

2. NASCAR has abandoned its fan base, and ticket sales have suffered because of it. At one time, Talladega was packed. Now, a good seat can be bought on the day of the race. I believe it is because NASCAR has become too corporate, and the drivers have become too slick.

Drivers like Dale Earnhardt, Junior Johnson, Darrell Waltrip, Bobby Allison and many more could fit in with the fans. Now, drivers marry supermodels and live in New York City. Fans can’t relate to that. They also can’t relate to the fact that races have been ripped from historic tracks and placed in Chicago, Las Vegas, Phoenix, and Wine Country. Wine and moonshine don’t mix.

3. Most of the crowd cheers for Dale Earnhardt, Jr. because he is a link to the past. He’s not just a link to his dad, the last of the great southern drivers, but also a link to all of the other great southern drivers. Ironically, Dale, Jr. is one of the few drivers who grew up wealthy. He may look and act like the fans, but, in reality, he has less in common with them than the other drivers who came up through the ranks.

4. Barack Obama didn’t get many votes from NASCAR fans. On Saturday night, we went to a karaoke gathering where beer and moonshine were flowing. Songs were sung badly, but something more interesting happened. When people had the microphone, they took the opportunity to bash the president. They told jokes about him. They cussed him. The First Amendment was alive and well.

I don’t like the president, either. I don’t like his politics or his policies. However, I believe that it went deeper than that with the people on stage. They don’t like him because they believe he is a Muslim who was born in another country. Oh yeah, they also don’t like him because he is black.

5. Many fans of University of Alabama football are ridiculous. This guy behind us yelled “Roll Tide” every time the cars went around the track. I looked for a car that was driven by Nick Saban but couldn’t find it. My only conclusion was that he wanted everyone to know that he cheers for a great football team on Saturday. This was on Sunday. I am sure he does it on every other day of the week, as well.

He, and many others, wear the school colors all of the time and brag about national championships that they didn’t actually win. Admittedly, I cheer for a rival school, but I am glad that my greatest accomplishment in life is not watching a group of other people accomplish something. Last time I checked, the guy yelling “Roll Tide” at the NASCAR race did not win a damn thing.

6. We met a guy called Big Little, and he was a top-notch grill man. According to him, women surround him just to get a taste of his Brisket and Boston Butt. I have to admit that it is funny to hear a big guy from Mississippi say Boston Butt. The fact that he was wearing overalls made it even more funny. I know he embraced the NASCAR stereotype.

That’s all I thought about. The rest of the time, I was keeping an eye on Danica Patrick’s car. First, because its color scheme makes it stand out. Second, the other fans were booing her. If the “Roll Tide” guy was against her, then I needed to be for her.

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That’s What I Call Eventful

18 Oct

Man, this has been an eventful week. On Sunday, Necole and I woke up in Tucson; made a connection in Denver; and, returned to Nashville. After all of this time, airplane travel still amazes me. I am amazed at how far and fast we can go, and I am amazed that they can get the things off the ground.

On Tuesday, my stepdaughter had her tonsils taken out. Necole and I were both lucky that we were kids during the time that they didn’t do that. My older brother had his removed, but, by the time I came through, doctors were saying that it was not necessary. Apparently, it is back in vogue.

One thing that is necessary is for everyone to get a yearly physical. I got one on Wednesday, and it is not very fun. A physical includes getting poked and prodded in all kinds of uncomfortable ways. It is definitely not the Olivia Newton John type of physical.Physical

On Wednesday night, Necole and I saw The Eagles in concert. We have both seen them before, but this was my favorite one. The main reason was that she was with me. The next reason was that they put on a great show that traced their history. In short, they sounded a little Country-ish before Joe Walsh and a little Rock-ish after Joe Walsh.

The events continue as I go to the NASCAR race at Talladega with my brother and my nephews. I am not a big racing fan, but I will get my redneck on to spend a fun weekend with them.

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Random Crap

29 Sep

There is an in-depth post running through my mind, but I haven’t decided when I am going to put in on the screen. Besides, it’s getting late, and it’s one of those posts that will take a while. Instead, here is a bunch of random crap.

Today, I sent out a Tweet that was supposed to be a text. How stupid is that? Something like that could lead to all kinds of problems. Luckily, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just embarrassing.

The other day, someone searched for “porn gasoline pics” and found their way to this blog. It makes me wonder what this person is into. Doing kinky stuff is one thing, but entering gasoline into the equation is another thing entirely. Being the curious sort that I am, I did an image search to see what this person was looking for. I think they were disappointed because this is what emerged.Gas Red

I have this color-coded way of balancing the checkbook, and Necole thinks it’s weird.

Before I could write this, I had to figure out what was wrong with the wireless hookup. That meant texting my nephew, who was probably hanging out at his frat house. Through texting, we got it fixed. Good thing that I didn’t Tweet it by mistake.

There is a can of WD-40 on my desk, and I don’t know why. Perhaps the guy who searched for “porn gasoline pics” could do something with it.

There’s a book on my shelf called Badasses of the Old West. How can you beat a title like that?

I also have a picture of Monument Valley in my office. The valley can also be seen in the banner at the top of this page. I wish I could always watch the setting sun there.

A car just passed by the house. Do you ever drive through a neighborhood and wonder about the people who live there? Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they look up gasoline porn?

That’s all that I am going to write. Now, I am going to look up the checking account so I can do some coloring.

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The Luck of the Night Rain

21 Sep

It rained last night. Usually, that is a great time to sleep and is even better if it is thundering. I didn’t sleep, though. I listened to the rain. Necole was sleeping next to me. That was the best part. I could hear her breathe and feel her when she shifted in her sleep.Night Rain

While lying there, I started to think. That’s one of the things I am prone to do at that time of night. In fact, that’s when I do my best thinking. I wonder how I would do teaching a class that late. My mind ran through all kinds of things, but it settled on the idea of how lucky I am.

I am lucky to have Necole as my wife and Isabella as my step-daughter. I never thought I would have a family, and, now, I have one.

I am lucky to have been raised in a good family and to have joined another one. I love them all.

I am lucky to have great friends who are fun to be around and would do anything to help me.

I am lucky to have the opportunity to travel and see things that others may never get the chance to see. I have been to all of the states, and I wish everyone could do the same thing. It’s hard to understand this country of ours if you haven’t seen it all. Every place is different.

I am lucky to have been a teacher for the past 12 years. Hearing a student say that they never liked History until my class is a great feeling. A lot of the students have gone on to be teachers, and I hope they have forgotten the times when I told them the wrong thing.

I am lucky to have grown up in Lebanon. It receives many complaints, but it is a good place to raise a family. Like other towns, it is filled with mostly good people.

I am lucky to be named after my father. As a kid, I hated having his first name. Now, I am honored to be named after someone who everyone admires so much.

I am lucky that I have not had any major health issues. Knowing people who have battled health problems, this is truly something to be thankful for.

That’s a lot of luck, and, at no point, will I ever forget how lucky I am.

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Trust Your Pants

18 Sep

In the early days of this blog, I wrote a post that I thought was pretty good. It was an early effort, but it was the best thing I had done to that point. At least, I thought it was good. Heck, I even thought it was funny.

Then, I got a comment that blasted me for being mean, unfair and totally over the line. This thing went on for a couple of paragraphs. How could I say something like that? Don’t I have feelings? On and on and on it went.

After a while, I started thinking that maybe it was a little rough and deleted it. That was during the days that I was looking for and needed positive reinforcement. I didn’t need to produce posts that people found to be negative. Today, it wouldn’t bother me, but it bothered me then. Now, I regret that I deleted it. This is my blog, and I am going to write what is in my head. If someone doesn’t like it, then they can leave a comment. Hopefully, it will lead to a good discussion.

So, what was this post about? Politics? Religion? Controversial social issues? No, it was about suspenders, the things that some people wear to hold up their pants.

I saw a guy who was wearing suspenders, but he was also wearing a belt. It seemed weird to me that someone would wear both. Not only that, the suspenders and belt were two different colors. If you are going to wear both, then they should at least match.

Seriously, who wears a belt and suspenders? I wrote several paragraphs about how strange this is and about how someone could think this is a good idea.

Then, I wrote about how it brought to mind a scene from one of my favorite movies, Once Upon a Time in the West. Henry Fonda plays Frank, a notorious gunfighter.Henry Fonda

Frank is talking to a man who has betrayed him in some way. That same man is wearing suspenders and a belt. Frank thinks this is strange and says, “How can you trust a man who wears both a belt and suspenders? The man can’t even trust his own pants.”

If memory serves, then he proceeded to shoot the belt, the suspenders and, eventually, the man.

Is there a lesson here? Perhaps. In the real world, someone who wears suspenders and a belt is going to be looked at funny. In a Sergio Leone movie, someone who wears suspenders and a belt is going to be shot.

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Looking at the Future Through a Glass Filled with Jack Daniel’s

29 Aug

What happens when you mix cold medicine, Jack Daniel’s and a dystopian movie? Last night, I found out.

I have been under the weather for the past few days, which sucks because classes started over those same few days. Luckily, it was all about going over the syllabi. I am not a big medicine taker, but my wife convinced me that I needed something. I am certain she was right.

Reason #32 to get married = There is someone around to make you take drugs when you are sick.

She also thought that a little whiskey might help. Before you start thinking that she was trying to kill me by mixing medicine and whiskey, I need you to know that we have a happy home. Whiskey is an old remedy for colds and such. Grandmothers used to give it to kids. Of course, that is the old days. Today, that would be considered child abuse and somebody would call the government.

Reason #14 not to trust the government = They make you stop taking home remedies for sickness and make you buy health insurance.

I don’t know if whiskey cures a cold, but it certainly makes you think the cold is going away.

So, I was filled with cold medicine and drinking Jack Daniel’s when I got the urge to watch The Last Chase, a movie about a bleak future. Being a movie made in 1981, that bleak future was supposed to happen about ten years ago. It’s always weird to watch a movie depicting a future that is currently the past. That’s why movie makers and religious leaders who predict the end of the world should follow the same rule. When you envision a future of destruction, set the date a long way into the future.

Anyway, the movie stars Lee Majors, Burgess Meredith and Chris Makepeace.

It was supposed to be the transition of Majors from television star to movie star. That didn’t happen. Instead, he was making this movie while Ryan O’Neal was stealing Farrah Fawcett from him.Farrah Fawcett

At least, that is according to an interview with the director.

Burgess Meredith was not far from the success of Rocky, and I wonder why he signed up for this.

Chris Makepeace was the Jesse Eisenberg of the 1980s, playing the intelligent kid who did not fit in with everyone else.Chris Makepeace

He was in a couple of hits like Meatballs and My Bodyguard, and I began to wonder whatever happened to him. A quick Google search didn’t tell me much. According to the Internet Movie Database, he last appeared in something in 2001. There is a Chris Makepeace tribute page, but it is lacking, as well.

Now, back to the movie. Gas shortages and a plague sent the United States into a tailspin. In the future, the government has clamped down and declared no privately owned vehicles. Everyone is controlled by public transportation. Franklyn Hart is a former race car driver who longs for the old days. He rebuilds his car and plans to drive it across the country to California, which has gained its independence.

A young kid from a boarding school doesn’t fit in with his classmates and spends his time hacking government computers. He hitches a ride, and the two head out.

The government tries to stop them by getting a fighter pilot to chase them down and kill them. He wants to be a free as they do and sacrifices himself so they can make it to their destination.

I have watched the movie a bunch, but this was the first time I have seen it with drugs and alcohol in my system. This is what I picked up.

In the coming apocalypse, our cities will not be destroyed by bombs or rising sea levels. They will be overcome by matte paintings.

Taking drugs and drinking whiskey will make you feel numb.

In the future, Smokey the Bear is still fighting forest fires.

Speaking of smokey, it would be nice if cops of the future really drove black and white golf carts.

When our society breaks down and we abandon the heartland, the Native Americans will take their land back.

Only in the movies can the guy find a woman in the woods to hook up with.Alexandra

The kid learning how to drive in a race car is like taking a driving test at the Indy 500.

The government will stop trying to control Utah and Arizona. Apparently, they are too difficult to deal with.

The future will have sex clubs and promote group sex. The government much think that mass sex is the same a mass transportation.

Even in the future, the government will find a reason to massacre Native Americans.

In the future, a plane can be refurbished in a couple of hours.

For some reason, the look of boarding schools never change. Just ask the X-Men.

Coca-Cola still has a fizz after twenty years in the can.

Combining cold medicine and Jack Daniel’s is an enlightening experience.

Speaking of Jack Daniel’s, it is timeless and will continue to be produced in the future. Same label and everything.

Computer technology will regress to look and function like computers in the 1980s.

Colonel Steve Austin could have ran to California on one leg.

Lee Majors ages more gracefully in the movies than he does in real life.Lee Majors

By they way, he took his stage name from Johnny Majors, who played and coached football at the University of Tennessee.

Since it is football time, that is probably a good one to end on.

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Sunday Morning Coming Down

18 Aug

Yes, I lifted the title from a classic song written by Kris Kristofferson. It’s a great song made popular by Johnny Cash, but no one sings it like Kristofferson himself. Anyway, this post is not about the song. It’s about a regular Sunday morning at our house.

Necole always wakes up first, and her internal clock makes it happen. I have never had an internal clock that works like that. Mine always tells me to keep on sleeping. Mornings are the usual time for her to get things done around the house while everyone else is out of her way. However, I get the feeling that this morning was different and involved coffee, a chair, a blanket and the television.

Daisy Dog was the next one to wake up. I could feel her start to shift around on the bed. Then, the scratching began. That’s always the sign that she is awake. At some point, she will jump from the bed, and I get up to open the door for her. The rest of her morning has been filled with more lying around and looking out the window for rabbits.

I am the next person to arise, and this morning I arose earlier than usual. It was a combination of Daisy Dog and my knowing that tomorrow I will have to wake up early for real. Inservice begins. That means a day full of listening to people talk and a spirited game of Inservice Bingo.Bingo

Like I said, this morning came earlier than usual. With Necole all the way across the house, I texted her about the plans for the day. We had discussed trying a new church this morning, but that plan changed. Due to her mom’s birthday luncheon, the early service was the only one we could attend. We just didn’t see that one happening. Why?

Isabella is still asleep. She spent yesterday at the county fair and is probably to pooped to pop. Our county fair is the largest fair in the state. It’s really something to see.Wilson County Fair

Anyway, this has been a slow-moving morning. After getting out of bed, I got into the shower. I’m not someone who can be comfortable while feeling dirty. Once I am up, I need to get clean and get dressed. I usually don’t listen to the radio while in the shower, but, this morning, I was up early enough to catch “Big Orange Sunday” on 104.5 The Zone. It’s a show all about the University of Tennessee. It’s getting close to football season, so I need to get all of the information that’s out there.

After getting ready for the day, I wasn’t sure what to do. Usually, I head out, but there’s nowhere to go. Necole was watching country music videos. Daisy was looking out the window. Isabella was sleeping. I got on the computer. I hit all of the usual sites, but there’s not much to read.

That’s when I delved into the world of WordPress to see what was happening. That’s also when I decided to write this post. Now, I am in my office with crap piled on the desk. It is hard to understand how so much stuff can be accumulated in a short period of time.

Necole brought her bowl of cereal to the office and hung out for a few minutes. She’s big on breakfast. I’m not hungry when I first get up. Most times, I get a chocolate milk when I first get to work. At least, I used to. I think they have moved the snack bar from my building and put it somewhere else. That means that the only liquid available in my building is coffee. Wait, there is Coke. If there is one thing about caffeine, then it’s the fact that it’s better cold and carbonated than it is hot and in a cup.

That’s the morning so far. Now, let’s go out and see what the rest of the day will bring.

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Saturday Night Ramblings

11 Aug

This is another one of those nights where nothing is coming to my mind. The house is mostly quiet because I am the only one around. The television is on ESPN, but the sound is turned down. The only sounds are the air conditioning and the wine cooler.

Speaking of wine, I just poured a glass, but I’m not big on having a drink when I am alone. Actually, having a drink is not at the top of my list at any time. I will have a glass of something at dinner, but then it will probably be only one. I know that a lot of people will have a cocktail or glass of wine to relax, but I have never had a problem relaxing. I don’t know. Maybe, it is all about control. I like being in that state and completely feeling what is going on around me. That’s hard to do while ingesting a depressant.

So, here I sit with the hum of cooling devices and a glass of wine that is going to be dumped in the sink. All of the rooms are dark except for the one I am sitting in. Obviously, it is an exciting Saturday night. It is so exciting that my mind has emptied itself of anything to write about. To fix that problem, I will throw some random thoughts out there as they pop in my head.

My nephew moved back to college today. He attends to University of Tennessee.

As I tweeted earlier, The Refreshments should have been a bigger band.

Ned Beatty’s speech in Network is awesome.

I miss my wife and will be glad when she gets home tomorrow.

College football will start in a few weeks. The most exciting game I ever attended was Tennessee’s victory over the Miami Hurricanes in the 1986 Sugar Bowl. Man, that has been a long time ago.

Wright Thompson is my new favorite person to follow on Twitter.

The Commodores only had one good song after Lionel Richie left, but Nightshift was one of my favorites.

For some reason, Sports Illustrated does not interest me that much anymore.

I really want to go back to Monument Valley.

Jerry Reed was the best real life person to make an appearance on Scooby Doo.

If you do an image search of Lebanon, Tennessee, then this is the first picture that pops up.City Hall

If you do an image search of Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, then this is the first image that pops up.Mt Juliet

If you do an image search of Watertown, Tennessee, then this is the first image that pops up.Watertown

That is all I have. Thanks for making it this far.

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