Tag Archives: Search Terms

The Great Month of May

31 May

Thanks to all of you readers, this has been the best month in the history of this blog. Wait, I should not put it that way. That has been the best month in the history of this blog that did not include being Freshly Pressed. That happened last year and created a stats page that looked like rat going through a snake.

This month has been consistently good with you guys showing up to read whatever stupid stuff I put on the screen. The most read post was something I write a long time ago called Let’s Go Peay! That was followed by:

You Never Know What You are Going to Learn at the First Presbyterian Church

The Legend of the Shadow Horse Gang

Hey, Nashville! Be a Real Music City and Build an Amphitheater

A Long Night in Old Nashville

Things I Learned at a Cher Concert

Sandy Springs Park – My Personal Field of Dreams

The Power of Dean

Narrows of the Harpeth

Movie Wisdom – Burt Reynolds Edition

Many of year follow this blog and check in from time to time. However, others get here through a search engine. This month, the most popular search terms were:

statue de lincoln hillsboro (oregon)

boot hill cemetery

scenery outlaw josey wales

escorts of tunica,ms

glen campbell prostitute

western actors

going to the fair to

cher concert she made a mistake

groom texas crucifixion of christ

May 2014 has been an important month in the SBI World.May

To further commemorate, I decided to throw in a little history. I am a historian, after all.

May 2004 – Terry Nichols was convicted for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.

May 1994 – Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as South Africa’s president.

May 1984 – The World’s Fair opened in New Orleans.

May 1974 – India successfully detonated its first nuclear weapon.

May 1964 – Congress declared that bourbon as a “distinctive product of the United States.”

May 1954 – Roger Bannister became the first person to run a mile in under four minutes.

May 1944 – The USS England sank six Japanese submarines in two weeks.

May 1934 – The Dionne children, the first quintuplets to survive infancy, are born.

May 1924 – J. Edgar Hoover was named head of the Bureau of Investigation.

May 1914 – Woodrow Wilson signed a Mother’s Day proclamation.

Again, thanks for making May a great month.

What If Johnny Ringo and Bandit Darville Made a Porn Movie and Called It “Listoeia Dwnuwo Maexco”

24 Mar

Do you ever look at the Search Terms that pop up in your Stats and wonder a few things? Who looks this stuff up? How did they get to this blog? When did spelling get thrown out of the window? I just looked through the Search Terms from the past 30 days and saw a few that stood out.

I decided to list a few, but there will be some additions. I may have a couple of comments, but the real fun will be visual. I am going to do an image search of each one and pick out the best photo.

listoeia dwnuwo maexco – Understand?

So, this is what a listoeia dwnuwo meaxco is.

So, this is what a listoeia dwnuwo meaxco is.

what does dreaming about sailing into the sunset on a motorcycle represent? – It means that you have invented a new mode of transportation, the floating motorcycle. I suggest you get a patent.

Nice boat

Nice boat

funicello guns – Annette made a lot of beach movies, but none of them involved shooting her way through an amphibious invasion.

Not a gun in sight.

Not a gun in sight.

frank sinatra and jesse james – Now, those two would have had fun together.

Brad Pitt made a movie about Jesse James and was in a remake of a Frank Sinatra classic. That is as close as I can get.

Brad Pitt made a movie about Jesse James and was in a remake of a Frank Sinatra classic. That is as close as I can get.

johnny ringo porn girls – Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your porn ‘stache.

It is the safest picture I could use. I just do not know how it got in the mix.

It is the safest picture I could use. I just do not know how it got in the mix.

watch the porn version of smokey and the bandit – If this exists, then I must watch it while having a Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper.

The movie he wishes he had made.

The movie he wishes he had made.

dickersonroadwhores – You have to be from Nashville to understand this one, but I guarantee the girls on Dickerson Road know how to put spaces between words.

Yep, that is what happens on Dickerson Road.

Yep, that is what happens on Dickerson Road.

tombstone az 1 square fot deed souvineer – I have always wanted a fot as a souvineer.

Just try not to end up six fot under.

Just try not to end up six fot under.

imbeciles poem – I am honored that someone has described the imbecility of the world in iambic pentameter.

I have to buy this book.

I have to buy this book.

Anyway, that was my “I cannot think of anything else so I will write this” post of the month. I promise that better content is on its way.

Random Crap

29 Sep

There is an in-depth post running through my mind, but I haven’t decided when I am going to put in on the screen. Besides, it’s getting late, and it’s one of those posts that will take a while. Instead, here is a bunch of random crap.

Today, I sent out a Tweet that was supposed to be a text. How stupid is that? Something like that could lead to all kinds of problems. Luckily, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just embarrassing.

The other day, someone searched for “porn gasoline pics” and found their way to this blog. It makes me wonder what this person is into. Doing kinky stuff is one thing, but entering gasoline into the equation is another thing entirely. Being the curious sort that I am, I did an image search to see what this person was looking for. I think they were disappointed because this is what emerged.Gas Red

I have this color-coded way of balancing the checkbook, and Necole thinks it’s weird.

Before I could write this, I had to figure out what was wrong with the wireless hookup. That meant texting my nephew, who was probably hanging out at his frat house. Through texting, we got it fixed. Good thing that I didn’t Tweet it by mistake.

There is a can of WD-40 on my desk, and I don’t know why. Perhaps the guy who searched for “porn gasoline pics” could do something with it.

There’s a book on my shelf called Badasses of the Old West. How can you beat a title like that?

I also have a picture of Monument Valley in my office. The valley can also be seen in the banner at the top of this page. I wish I could always watch the setting sun there.

A car just passed by the house. Do you ever drive through a neighborhood and wonder about the people who live there? Are they happy? Are they sad? Do they look up gasoline porn?

That’s all that I am going to write. Now, I am going to look up the checking account so I can do some coloring.

My Favorite Search Term of All Time

23 Apr

It is always interesting to see how people find their way to this blog. Like most bloggers, I look through the search terms and come away amazed at some of the stuff that gets typed in. At times, I wonder how they got here, and that’s when I search it to find the trail from them to me.

Recently, a search term popped up, and there was no reason to go looking for it. I knew exactly how it led them here. It is probably my favorite search term of all time, and I am proud to claim it as part of the Surrounded by Imbeciles experience. What could be so great? Take a gander at this.

where is all the whores in tunica ms

It is great on so many levels, but you must understand that it is not a surprise. I have written about Tunica, the gambling capital of the south. I have also written about whores. In fact, I have written about whores more than once. Therefore, if someone is looking for a prostitute in Tunica, then a search engine will bring them to me. It really is something to be proud of.

Here’s the thing, though. I have been to Tunica countless times, and I have never seen someone who I thought was a working girl. That doesn’t mean they are not there. Heck, there’s lots of money in Tunica, so it only makes sense that prostitutes would be there to get some of it. I just haven’t noticed them. Of course, it could be that I haven’t seen anyone that I thought should be paid for sex. Unless the guy (I assume it was a guy) on the prowl is fond of the Hoveround type.

Put in a quarter, and it will vibrate.

Put in a quarter, and it will vibrate.

Simply, Tunica is not the place to go to find a whore. Want to eat at Paula Deen’s? Go to Tunica. Want to play some Blackjack? Go to Tunica. Want to see people smoke a cigarette while wearing an oxygen mask? Go to Tunica. Want to have a high-class escort for the weekend? Don’t go to Tunica. Go to Las Vegas!!!

Although prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, escorts can be found everywhere. In fact, I used to make a game out of it and see if I could guess who was and who wasn’t. There is this one little casino that is kind of a dive. When I go in, I always get a Blackjack seat close to the bar. That way I can watch the people and figure out what is going on. It’s easy to see a woman walk in alone and walk out with someone in a matter of minutes. It is even easier when she makes her way back.

It’s a little more difficult in the larger casinos. These places don’t want the women hanging around, and security is everywhere. That means that the women at the bar have to be more discreet. It also means that many escorts arrive with their clients. If a man and woman walk into a casino together, then how can you prove that she is getting paid? Of course, there can be suspicions. When an 80-year-old man walks in with a 25-year-old woman who looks like she stepped out of a magazine, something is up.

To help the person who searched – where is all the whores in tunica ms – I have some advice.

1. Don’t look for a whore in Tunica. Go to Paula Deen’s buffet instead. You will get more bang for your buck.

2. If you want to find a whore in a casino, then go to Las Vegas. Just sit at a bar by yourself and see what happens.

3. Try to find a prostitute who has a degree in English.

She can also help you with your Longfellow.

She can also help you with your Longfellow.

Once your few seconds are up, she can help with your sentence structure.

Evil Hair Razor Women Butt

20 Feb

Yes, that was a search term that led someone to this blog. When I saw it, I knew that I had to use it at some point, but my mind couldn’t conceive of a good way. Then, Madame Weebles wrote a post about the search terms that she encounters. It’s some funny writing that everyone should read, and it offers a different take on the “let’s write about search terms” format.

The Madame listed terms that would make good band names. Like a good blogger, I am copying that idea. If a band called Evil Hair Razor Women Butt plays in my town, then I am going to the show.

Can you believe that this is what popped up when I image searched Evil Hair Razor Women Butt?

Can you believe that this is what popped up when I image searched Evil Hair Razor Women Butt?

Here are some other bands that would put on a great show. (Note: Song titles and other tidbits were discovered while searching the search terms.)

Dirty Deek and the Dondo Chiefs were part of the British Invasion and had a great debut album with “Something Sinister” but couldn’t follow up that success with their second album “Unknown by Unknown”.

Bite the Vampire made it to Number One on the Punk charts with “Toxic Fluid” and hit the Top Ten with “Someone is Dying”. Ironically, those two titles were prophetic as lead singer Matt Gaze suffered an early demise.

The Black Blobs were early Metal pioneers who created underground classics like “Nothing At All” and “Leave the Tail”.

Robby Gipsy was a psychedelic folk singer in the late 1960s who never had a hit but whose songs have come to define the era. When people hear “Butterfly”, they are automatically taken back to the Summer of Love.

Japanese Jeremiah was an 80s One Hit Wonder with “Why Don’t You Come?”

Western Porno brought us the electronic dance craze “Trip to Mars”.

Hillbilly Salutations is an Alternative Bluegrass band that has been included on many soundtracks, including the movie “Lost in the Highlands.

Coctail was a 90s girl group that broke up after making it big with “Mad Man”. The lead singer has gone on to greater fame as a solo artist.

Bigfoot is an Alien was a college band that sang mostly covers. But, they always brought the co-eds to their feet with “Exploratory Purposes”.

Joey Whale was a singer/songwriter in the 70s who penned such classics as “Once Upon a Time” and “Boston Harbor”. Today, he can found in the lounge of the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas.

The performers for Bonaroo were released today. There is no way that they could be better than this group.

Bigfoot, Under Hair and Gert Frobe’s Co-Stars

30 Jan

Otherwise known as the lazy man’s post. With nothing else to write about, I decided to explore recent search terms that led people to the blog. I could write something witty about each one, but I decided to search them myself to see what pictures pop up. Here’s the plan: Type in the search and grab the third picture on the second row. Here goes nothing.

Kevin Costner Move

Is he moving to the left or the right?

Is he moving to the left or the right?

Rome’s Government

I didn't know the Romans invented flow charts.

I didn’t know the Romans invented flow charts.

Under Hair Machine

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill it! Kill it!

Religion In Your Face Buckle Bible Belt

This is exactly the picture that I knew would pop up.

This is exactly the picture that I knew would pop up.

Kurt Cobain Robert Frost

His face looks like the road most taken.

His face looks like the road most taken.

George Washington Is Cool

Yes, he is, son. Yes, he is.

Yes, he is, son. Yes, he is.

Marty Robbins Margaritaville

Marty sang about reincarnation, not blown out flip flops.

Marty sang about reincarnation, not blown out flip flops.

Is Bigfoot An Alien

I cheated on this one. This is a picture from my blog that showed up on the first line.

I cheated on this one. This is a picture from my blog that showed up on the first line.

Sean Connery Gert Frobe Kevin Bacon

Surely Kevin Bacon is not six degrees connected to this classic.

Surely Kevin Bacon is not six degrees connected to this classic.

What Vegas Mayor Wore A Coonskin Hat

I really can't tell from this picture.

I really can’t tell from this picture.

Push To Start Gas Pump

Looks simple enough

Looks simple enough

Linda Gray In Mini Skirts

It's not a miniskirt, but it is a beautiful 80s flashback.

It’s not a miniskirt, but it is a beautiful 80s flashback.

Surrounded By Imbeciles

I am so proud.

I am so proud.

How To Spend In World End

That's how.

That’s how.

That’s also the end.

Unsolved Mystery

13 Oct

I’ve had a posting idea in my mind for a few days, but it will have to wait a few days longer because something else cropped up. Yesterday, I looked at the Stats page and saw “Robert Stack Sex”. Somebody actually typed “Robert Stack Sex” into a search engine and found their way to this blog. Now, this brings up a couple of concerns. First, why would anyone search for “Robert Stack Sex”? Second, why would that bring them to the SBI Universe?

Many of you are probably asking, “Who is Robert Stack?” He was an actor who made several good movies in the 1950s, but he found fame and a pop cultural legacy on television. In the early 1960s, Stack played Elliot Ness in The Untouchables.

Elliot “Sex Machine” Ness

Stack gained renewed fame a few decades later as host of Unsolved Mysteries.

Robert “Sex Machine” Stack

In the late 1980s, almost everyone watched this show and heard Stack say “what you are about to see is not a news broadcast”. Well, it may not be a broadcast, but I have some news. Somewhere in the world is a person who wants to know something about Robert Stack and sex. I contemplated this fact as I stared at the screen and the words, “Robert Stack Sex”, were burned into my eyes and concluded that what the searcher was looking for should remain an unsolved mystery. With that in mind, here are a few theories in an attempt to solve the mystery of the “Robert Stack Sex” searcher.

1. The searcher gets off on watching bad actors reenact crimes.

2. The searcher thinks the promo photo of Elliot Ness is an accurate representation of Robert Stack’s, uh, machine gun.

3. The searcher missed the “un” on The Untouchables and believes it is a porn movie about people who are constantly being “touched”.

4. The searcher is waiting the Unsolved Mysteries version of Robert Stack to open his trench coat and flash the screen with his machine gun.

5. The searcher is turned on by people who star in shows that begin with “un”. They imagined the letters in front of words like dressed and zipped and inhibited.

Whatever the case, someone has “Robert Stack Sex” on their mind, and they came here for help.