Tag Archives: Blogging

Thank God for Gas Pumps

24 Sep

All of us bloggers like to look at our stats. At least, I assume all of us bloggers like to look at our stats. I know that I do, anyway. It’s not like I look at them all of the time. Wait, I do look at them often, but that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is to point out an anomalous point in the stats. I have pointed it out before but feel the need to point it out again.

One of my earlier posts, The Problem With Gas Pumps, completely dominates this blog. In fact, it makes up 17% of the total page views in the SBI universe and outnumbers the next 30 posts combined. Undoubtedly, some of its popularity is due to the excellent writing exemplified by the post. However, I believe most of the popularity comes from the fact that it includes this picture:

This picture drives more page views than a topless picture of a princess.

Don’t believe that gas pumps dominate? Here are the top 15 search terms for Surrounded by Imbeciles.

1. gas pumps

2. gas pump

3. gasoline pump

4. pictures of gas pumps

5. josey wales

6. gasoline pumps

7. dumas brothel

8. mount rushmore conspiracy theories

9. outlaw josey wales

10. pump gas

11. picture of gas pumps

12. the outlaw josey wales

13. images of gas pumps

14. gas pump image

15. picture of a gas pump

The only things that bust the monopoly are people looking for old prostitutes; people looking for hidden meanings in stone-faced presidents; and, people who are fans of Clint Eastwood’s best movie.

Bloggin’ ain’t much of a livin’ boy.

In honor of The Problem With Gas Pumps and to gratuitously promote other posts, I present the ten posts that are eating the most dust.

Victorian Brothelese – There are the whores that people are looking for.

Greetings and Salutations – You can always count on the About page.

Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief – My ode to lyrics that people mess up.

Movie Wisdom – Burt Reynolds Edition – Watch some Burt Reynolds movies. It will make you smarter.

A Requiem for Josey Wales – “To Hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.”

The Good, the Bad, and the Presidential – There is more bad than good in this post.

It’s a Conspiracy – If you think things aren’t as they seem, then read this post.

John Wayne and Edgar Allan Poe – What? You didn’t know poetry could be learned from a John Wayne movie?

Memories of a Day in September – My thoughts on the anniversary of 9/11.

A Totally Not Funny Account of My Trip to New Orleans – It’ll make you cry.

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Out the Roof

10 Jun

This morning I woke up, stretched and grabbed my iPad to see what happened while I was out. As always, I logged into the Surrounded by Imbeciles world to see if any of the bloggers I follow posted during the evening. I read the few that had been added to the list and clicked over the Site Stats, where I got a huge surprise. While I was sleeping, the Views went out the roof.

Yesterday, this blog’s Views doubled the best day ever. I was thrilled. If I wasn’t awake before, then I was once this statistic jumped out at me. As all bloggers know, it is cool when you realize that people are actually interested in the stuff you write. I was also stunned because I couldn’t figure out what caused this sudden jump in numbers.

The post from the night before was nothing that would draw a great deal of interest, so I knew that wasn’t it. Then, I thought that it was the post about gas pumps, which I have come to call “Old Reliable”, but even that one has never made such numbers. Not being able to figure it out, I finally looked in Top Posts & Pages to see what posts had been read, and that’s when I got the real surprise.

Every post I have ever written had been read. How did that happen? I can only figure that a reader went through the blog and read all of the posts. Perhaps, they were searching for something specific. Maybe, they, like I often do, started reading and couldn’t stop. Whichever the reason, I appreciate the fact that someone took the time to read the ramblings that I have placed on this blog.

With that being said, I thank you “Mystery Reader” for taking a tour of the Surrounded by Imbeciles world. I hope you found it entertaining, informative and enjoyable. You are welcome to come back anytime. In your honor, I have included the following likeness:

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Alterations

10 Apr

As Douglas MacArthur once said, “I have returned!” Although he was returning to the Philippines during World War II, I have returned to Tennessee from an excursion into parts unknown – the same place that a lot of masked wrestlers came from.

As happens a lot when someone is gone for a length of time. I came back to some alterations – not in my real life but in my blog life (which are quickly merging).

As I flew home, I couldn’t wait to open up the Surrounded by Imbeciles portal and see what I have been missing. Imagine my surprise to see a big red/yellow/orange map on a new look Site Stats page. It is a really cool addition, and it was interesting to see not only how many people have been looking in but also where they are located when they look. All this time, I have been thinking that people in a few states have been checking out the blog. In actuality, these blogs go all over the world. Imagine that! It makes me realize how big and impactful the Internet really is. Thank you, fellow Tennessean Al Gore! I know, an old joke that I have used before.

I know you blogging folks have probably been playing around with your maps. I just got into mine and found some interesting stuff. Obviously, the United States sits at the top by a wide margin. I write about the things I know, and most of that is in the United States. It makes me wonder what someone in Gabon thinks about some of my references.

Completing the top five are Australia, Canada, Indonesia and the United Kingdom. Other ones that I find interesting are Jordan, Barbados (because it’s a great island), Turkey, the Russian Federation (I wonder if Putin feels as if he is surrounded by imbeciles.), Malta, Bangladesh and Costa Rica (because, well, I just wanted to mention Costa Rica).

Anyway, I just wanted to get back into blogging mode after some time off and thank WordPress for their cool map. I always say that people should be able to read a map. That bitchy woman who gives you directions from the dashboard just isn’t the same as Rand McNally. I only wish that they could break down the states as well. Although, they may have done that, and I just haven’t figured it out yet. At any rate, it is good to be back in the blog world.

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Kudzu

18 Mar

If you ever take a drive along the southern back roads, then you will eventually see something strange – a vine that has covered the ground, trees, fences, power lines and buildings.

It may look lush and green from your point of view, but underneath it has taken over and sucked all of the nutrients out of the area it has covered. This plant is most commonly known as kudzu, but, as a child, I knew it as “mile-a-minute”. Other people call it “the plant that ate the south”.

Native to Japan, the plant was introduced to the United States at the Centennial Exposition, held in Philadelphia in 1876. According to The Amazing Story of Kudzu, gardeners first cultivated kudzu for ornamental reasons, but people began realized that animals would eat it. Southern farmers latched on to this idea and began to grow it for this purpose. However, the plant really took root in the 1930s when the Soil Conservation Service used it for erosion control.

Have you ever heard that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions? Well, in the South it is covered with kudzu. Good intentions led to the promotion of a plant that could not be controlled. It is estimated that this stuff can grow a foot per day and can take up to ten years to kill. Life After People, a show on the History Channel, estimated that it would take fifty years for kudzu to completely cover downtown Atlanta. My friends, that is a successful plant.

I described the effect of the plant on the South because the Surrounded by Imbeciles world has its own kind of kudzu. When this blog was birthed, I had grand plans to sarcastically discuss the “problems” in the world. I wrote about the issues of gas pumps; moved on to my pet peeve with Sonic Drive-In; and, continued with the uncomfortable aspects of day spas. Eventually, I altered my attitude and writing style, and these older posts were forgotten.

No one read any of these. And, I mean NO ONE. Then, in mid-January someone clicked on my gas pump rant. I was so stunned that I published a post about how we may forget about posts, but they are always out there. I went on my merry blogging way but realized that more and more people were checking out the gas pump post. As the numbers grew, I had no idea why this lost post suddenly became popular and wrote about it again.

And, that brings me to this post and the comparison to kudzu. “The Problem With Gas Pumps” has continued to grow in readership and popularity. Not only has it become the most popular post in the Surrounded by Imbeciles world, but it has also taken over the field. More people have read the post than the next eight posts combined. It is even sneaking up on “Homepage”.

Please understand that I am not complaining. Nothing makes us bloggers feel better than going to the Stats page and finding out how many people are interested in our written thoughts. That’s the ego in all of us. It just amazes me to watch an old and forgotten post continue its seemingly nonstop growth. Perhaps, kudzu is not the correct metaphor because “gas pumps” is not destroying anything. In fact, it is assisting my blog with its continued growth and improvement (along with all of the fellow bloggers and readers that I really appreciate). It’s just that every time I see the blog-o-meter crank up the numbers I envision that vine growing up the telephone poles.

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Charting a Mystery

16 Feb

A month ago I wrote a post about old posts that we have probably forgotten about and how they don’t disappear but hang around in cyberspace until cyberspace collapses on itself. The post about “old posts” was inspired by the second ever post I published on this site – an ode to the peculiarities of gas pumps. It had never gotten any hits, then, all of a sudden, a person took a look at it. Needless to say, I was thrilled that some of the things I had written while wandering in this newfound wilderness of blogging had been read. I went back to look at it again. I wrote a new post about the experience. Then, I went on my merry blogging way.

Then, something strange happened. It got another hit. And another one. And another one. On and on it went for days. Each time I looked at the “Site Stats” another search engine term was popping up.

gas pumps

gasoline pump

pushing credit or debit at a gasoline pump

gasoline pump pictures

pictures of gasoline pumps

In a matter of weeks, a post that laid dormant forever and had been given up as unreadable and forgotten had just gone to the top of the Hit Parade. Once lagging behind at a total of ZERO hits, the sarcastic look at pumping gas reached the top of the charts and passed such favorites as:

Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief

Guns ‘n Roses in Nashville

John Wayne and Edgar Allan Poe

It seemed that I had a mystery on my hands and needed the help of those meddling kids in the Mystery Machine. Have gas pumps suddenly gained a new popularity? Are people becoming interested in the intricacies of debit and credit card use? Has this become the hip thing to look up among hipsters?

To solve the mystery, I started up the search engine and began looking myself. Starting with the simplest search term, I typed in “gas pumps” and looked around. Page after page, I could not find a reference to the “Surrounded by Imbeciles” world. Then, I shifted to images, and, behold, “Surrounded by Imbeciles” appeared as the first entry on the first line.

Part of the mystery was solved, searchers had come to me through the photo I uploaded to the post. When they hit images, there it appeared. However, a second mystery remains. Why, in the middle of January, did gas pumps become so popular? Even after being forced to watch Murder, She Wrote as a kid, I don’t believe I have the sleuthing talents to figure it out. Perhaps, you readers can help. Or, maybe I should call the In Search Of version of Leonard Nimoy.

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Old Posts Home

16 Jan

Something interesting happened in my Dashboard today, and it made me consider what blogging is all about. I started this blog on November 1, 2011 and had no idea what to write or what would happened when I did. Things began with an introductory post that explained where I got “Surrounded by Imbeciles” and told a few things about myself. It was after this post that I realized there was an “About” section.

On November 2, I published my second post titled “The Problem With Gas Pumps”, which covered my notion that gas pumps think people are stupid. I always said that if I blogged, then I would start with that rant. In my mind, it was a good attempt at sarcasm and wit. However, it wasn’t until today that someone clicked on it. I have been blogging for a while now and, while not an expert, feel like I am getting better at it. I have had a bunch of hits; plenty of comments; and met some great people. (Now that I have figured out how to create a link, you should check out my favorite blog and super supportive reader, the Book Snob.) But, I never considered what happened to the old posts that nobody ever read. Do they go to an “old posts home”? They don’t. They live forever as information leakages from our brains. The things we put on here never go away. While we may forget about them and think that people will never go back into the archives and look around, all it takes in an engine search to receive a click.

As a historian, I am accustomed to combing through documents in local and state archives and studying the artifacts of the past. But, it never hit me until today that blogs are the modern equivalent of the letters, journals and diaries of the past. I have read all about other people’s lives and thoughts, and now a few people are reading about mine. It’s kinda cool and kinda strange at the same time. I can only hope that when people look through my “archives” they will find something as interesting as I have found looking through the paper kind.

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