I have a confession to make to the readers of this blog. It is something that many people who know me have a difficult time understanding. It places me in a minority of people who others may think of as strange, weird, un-American and totally out of the loop. What is my confession?
I do not drink coffee.
Understand that I know a lot of people who love coffee. My wife cannot start her day properly without a cup or two. Other members of my family are also coffee drinkers. One of my good friends at work always has a styrofoam cup in his hand, which led me to buy this for his office door.
Heck, I was having a meeting with another coworker when he asked if I wanted some coffee. When I told him that I did not drink coffee, he looked at me like I had three heads.
I know that they, and millions of other people, love coffee. However, I never grasped that love. I am sure this is because my parents did not drink coffee, but, as I grew up, the urge never hit me.
When I was in high school, my summer job was working on the loading dock of a factory. Imagine working in a metal building during the hottest and most humid part of the year. It was a job where everyone looked forward to break time, where they could get into the air conditioning and get a cold drink.
At least, I looked forward to getting a cold drink. Several of my coworkers would pour a hot cup of coffee. I could never understand that. I needed to feel something cold, and they were taking in hot liquid. They explained it by saying that coffee actually cooled you off better than something cold. I think that was crap. There is nothing sensible about drinking something hot while working in a hot factory.
I will give them credit for drinking their coffee black. What is that old cowboy saying? Coffee is not strong enough unless a horseshoe can stand up in it. These days, people drink coffee with sugar, whipped cream, cinnamon, pumpkin spice, peppermint and other kinds of flavors. For this, I cannot blame them. If I was going to drink coffee, then I would want to cover up the taste, too.
When I was a kid, my mom used to get mad when I refused to eat something because it tasted bad. She would always ask if I had ever tried it. That argument does not fly with coffee. I have tried it, and it does not suit my palate. Those guys in the factory break room used to say that you had to acquire a taste for coffee. I was told the same thing about beer and have the same response about both. If I do not like something the first time I try it, then why would I want to drink it until I like it? You either like something, or you do not.
As someone who does not like coffee, I realize that I have missed out on the coffeehouse experience. I think it would be cool to hang out in a coffeehouse and be Bohemian for a while. Get away from the hustle and bustle of life; sit by a fire with a steaming cup; and listen to someone singing with an acoustic guitar. Or, go in with a laptop and scroll blogs while a poetry reading goes on in the background.
I am not kidding about that last paragraph. I really feel like I have missed out by not emersing myself in that atmosphere on occasion. To me, that would be the one plus of being a coffee lover. However, here is the thing. Most coffee drinkers do not take advantage of that break from real life. They pull up to the drive-thru window and take the coffee into the hustle and bustle with them.
Look, I have an issue with drive-thru windows, anyway. One of my early blog posts was about the uselessness of a drive-thru window at Sonic, and I will walk into a place a thousand times before pulling up to the window. There is something more personal about doing business inside a business. However, I think the drive-thru at a coffeehouse truly takes away from the whole reason coffeehouses exist in the first place.
This is not a knock at people who drink coffee. I think it is wonderful that they have something that gives them that much satisfaction and pleasure. However, I will take my caffeine cold and carbonated in a Coke Zero. If I could get those coffeehouses to turn themselves into Coke Zero houses, then the world would be a perfect place.
SBI: A Thinning Crowd 