In the olden days, albums were sold on television. They would play snippets of a few songs and scroll song titles over the screen. The performer would appear and lip synch a few words. Those commercials fascinated me, and I begged my parents to send a check to the address on the screen.
One of those ads was for a singer named Ben Colder, the country music version of Weird Al Yankovic. He sung parodies of country music’s biggest hits. My parents agreed to buy a few albums, but they never bought anything for me by Ben Colder. It is still a disappointment.
Years later, I learned that Ben Colder was not really Ben Colder. He was Sheb Wooley, and he had done a lot more things than sing parody songs.
Sheb Wooley was a true Renaissance Man. He had a huge hit in the 1950s with “The Purple People Eater” and acted in a bunch of movies. However, he was not just in a bunch of movies. He was in a bunch of great movies. Sheb Wooley was one of those character actors who popped up everywhere.
To make up for the fact that I never got a Ben Colder record, we will examine the movies of Sheb Wooley to see if we can find a few bits of wisdom. As before, the quotes must come from movies that I have seen.
From High Noon
People gotta talk themselves into law and order before they do anything about it. Maybe because down deep they don’t care.
It takes more than big, broad shoulders to make a man.
It takes a pretty smart man to know when to back away.
From Johnny Guitar
A man who can’t hold on to a glass should drink like a baby from a bottle.
There’s only two things in this world that a ‘real man’ needs: a cup of coffee and a good smoke.
From Giant
Money isn’t everything.
Well, there’s one thing you got to say for cattle… boy, you put your brand on one of them, you’re gonna know where it’s at!
From Rio Bravo
Sorry don’t get it done.
From The War Wagon
That’s what I’ve always said the world needs… more simple understanding to bring people together!
From The Outlaw Josey Wales
Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you’re not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. ‘Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That’s just the way it is.
It’s sad that governments are chiefed by the double tongues.
Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.
Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’, boy.
Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.
From Silverado
Some people think because they’re stronger, or meaner, that they can push you around. I’ve seen a lot of that. But it’s only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it.
A grown man can’t have a little boy with him everywhere he goes.
The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.
From Hoosiers
If you put your effort and concentration into playing to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don’t care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we’re gonna be winners.
Sun don’t shine on the same dog’s ass everyday.
There you have it. The world according to Sheb Wooley movies.
SBI: A Thinning Crowd 