Archive | March, 2012

Brought to You By the Number 1,000

12 Mar

Over the weekend, the “Surrounded by Imbeciles” world hit another historic milestone – 1,000 page views. It took a while, but four figures was finally hit. As has been done with past milestones, I will mark the occasion with a celebration of the number 1,000. To assist in this endeavor, I will bring in my old friend, Count von Count.

Me: Count, make the introduction.

Count: Without further adieu, I present to you the number 1,000 HA HA HA HA!

1,000 Meters – the length of the course for women’s Olympic rowing events. For us non-metric Americans, this equals .6 miles.

1,000 AD – Hungary was established as a Christian state; Leif Ericson became the first European to land in North America; the Aztec migrate to Tenochtitlan, which will become one of the world’s largest cities; Oslo, Norway is supposedly founded; gunpowder is invented in China; and Abu Rayhan al-Biruni publishes The Book of Healing.

$1,000 Bill – With Grover Cleveland depicted on the front, this bill, along with other large denominations, was taken out of circulation in 1969. It is estimated that 165,372 remain in private hands. One of the largest collections can be seen at the Birdcage Theater in Tombstone, Arizona (the same Tombstone that saw the Gunfight at the OK Corral).

1,000 Meere – Performed by Tokio Hotel, this song is about long distance love and the struggles that come along with it.

1,00o Places to See Before You Die – The travelogue with the cool title has become a popular phenomenon. I haven’t read the book, but I have skimmed the Table of Contents to see how many of the places I have been. I have a long way to go with the world version but have taken a good chunk out of the American one.

Land of a Thousand Dances – Written and first recorded by Chris Kenner, the song busted out when it was recorded by Wilson Pickett. Despite the title, the original version mentions sixteen dances, including the Pony, the Chicken, the Tango and the Popeye.

Thousand Island Dressing – I have to admit that this is my favorite. I can eat this stuff on anything. Stories of its creation vary, but most believe it is named for the number of islands between the United States and Canada in the St. Lawrence River. It can include a lot of ingredients but always has mayonnaise.

A Thousand Faces – Ok, this is a little publicity for a cool store in Nashville. Located in Hillsboro Village, one of my favorite areas, it is filled with different kinds of art and, as the website says, “a plethora of neat stuff”.

1,000 BC – The world’s population is estimated to be 50,000,000; the Assyrians began an era of expansion; ancient Iranians first enter Persia; and Priene, in western Turkey, is founded.

So goes my ode to the number 1,000. I am sure there are more interesting facts out there, but I must admit that finding them was tougher than I first imagined. Next time, I am going to have to put Count von Count to better use.

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My iPod Has Issues – Part 3

9 Mar

It has been a while since we delved into the inner sanctum of my iPod. In Part 1 of this ongoing series, I explained why hardly anyone understood how any self-respecting iPod would allow itself to be filled with the music I chose and provided an example of 20 selections from the list. With Part 2, I found myself short on time and needing a post. So, I took the easy way out and made another list of 20 songs.

Tonight, I find myself in similar circumstances but with a few additions. It is late, and I have a few things to do before retiring to bed. However, I feel the need to publish a post and explain a few things in the process. Since the last iPod episode, I have been exposed to some new music. Some of came from my continued attempt to download all 500 of the greatest songs as chosen by Rolling Stone. Others came from Justified, my favorite television show. More came from my fellow blogger, the Snob. And, a little came from my girlfriend and her daughter. Although, I must admit that I still have to alter my taste somewhat to fully appreciate their stuff.

With that being said, here is another list of 20 songs from my iPod. To get this, I hit random and record the first 20 entries that pop up.

“Jack & Coke” by Lynda Kay

“It’s Only Rock n’ Roll” by The Rolling Stones

“Sailin’ the Wind” by Loggins & Messina

“For a Few Dollars More” by Ennio Morricone

“Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle

“Soldier of Love” by Arthur Alexander

“John Hardy” by Jim Greer & The Mac-O-Chee Valley Folks

“Sewee Nation” by Peter Buffet

“Do It Again” by Steely Dan

“You Mean to Say” by Jessi Colter

“Maybe” by The Chantels

“I Feel Love” by Donna Summer

“Cleaning Windows” by Van Morrison

“Do You Feel Me” by Anthony Hamilton

“Can’t Find My Way Home” by Blind Faith

“Flash’s Theme” by Queen

“The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel

“Polaroid Millenium” by Superior

“Inner City Blues” by Marvin Gaye

“Slow an’ Easy” by White Snake

What do you think, dear readers? Do any of those tickle your fancy?

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Terror on the Plateau

8 Mar

I recently wrote about my battle with the forces of nature while supporting my favorite basketball team. That event took place in 2008, but another event just as terrifying took place the next season.

In January 2009, I headed out with my friends, Jeff and McDonald, to watch the University of Tennessee play basketball against South Carolina. Being a night game, we got a late start and knew that we would have a late night return. We didn’t realize that we would be lucky to get home at all.

After a victory by the home team, we walked out of the arena and into a night that was damp but not cold, the type of night that we had driven through many times. Jeff, who was driving, hit Interstate 40 while we listened to the post game show on the radio. We were all hungry but decided to drive until the show was over. Having done this many times, all of us knew that this would get us to the Rockwood exit and a Ruby Tuesday’s.

We had a great meal before driving off into the night. As we walked out of the restaurant, it was impossible to ignore the fine mist falling from the sky, and I, without realizing it, made a fateful decision. I told McDonald that I would sacrifice and sit in the cramped backseat.

Traffic was heavy as we drove westward toward home, and the mist continued. It was a tricky drive, but something was happening outside that we didn’t realize. Between Nashville and Knoxville sits a geographic formation called the Cumberland Plateau that is higher in elevation that the two cities on either end of it. The higher we climbed, the colder it was getting. The fine mist was turning to black ice on the road.

The first sign of trouble was a pickup and a trailer that began swerving in front of us. We thought he just didn’t know how to pull a U-Haul and passed him. That’s when Jeff realized that we were on ice, and the vehicle was out of his control. For me, the next few seconds went into a mental slow motion. We were sliding along with other cars, and Jeff was trying to steer toward the guard rail to get us stopped. The mist was coming down, and fog had descended. That’s when the headlights hit something that no one could ever suspect. A wall was sitting across the road. Not a real wall, but an over turned tractor-trailer lying in our path.

Idiotically, I was not wearing a seatbelt and knew that I was in trouble. Without thinking, I laid down in the backseat and closed my eyes. From the back of my mind came the idea that I needed to stay limber. Maybe I heard it while watching a NASCAR race. Whatever the reason, I forced myself to stay loose on impact.

After that, I heard Jeff say, “I believe we’re gonna hit her, boys!” McDonald replied, “No shit!” Then, there was impact, and my head hit the back of the seat. Almost instantaneously, another vehicle, the one pulling the trailer, hit us. We sat stunned until someone from the outside yelled, “I smell gasoline!” The doors would not open, so we crawled out the smashed back window; climbed over the other truck; and, jumped over the guard rail.

I had the foresight to grab my cellphone as we escaped the carnage and called my parents when I knew that we were out of harm’s way. As I told them the story, I could hear crashes in the distance. Before it was over, we were car number one in a forty car pileup.

However, the night was just beginning. Jeff’s face smashed into the steering wheel, and he was losing blood and teeth at an alarming rate. McDonald couldn’t climb over the guard rail because his arm was broken. Luckily, I only had a scratch on my forehead. Immediately, people started scrambling. A woman was trapped in her car and under the truck. The TV announcer for the game was in the wreck as well. Truckers were climbing out of their cabs and trying to help. The air was getting colder by the minute, and the road was getting slicker. Now, we jokingly call it “Terror on the Plateau”, but it wasn’t funny that night.

I got Jeff into the cab of a truck for warmth and called his wife. I also called our friend Larry and asked him to call McDonald’s wife. That’s when I got a call from a friend caught in the traffic. He asked, “Are you caught up in this wreck?” I replied, “We are the wreck.” He sat in one spot until daylight.

After 1 1/2 hours, the ambulances began to show up. They were behind because seven other wrecks happened at the same time, and they couldn’t make it up the incline to us. It was too frozen. We finally got Jeff into an ambulance, and I waited for another one with McDonald. When it arrived, I stormed my way into it because it was the only ride I had into town. McDonald asked the paramedic if his arm was broke. The paramedic answered, “I don’t know, but it’s deformed.” That made us laugh for the first time in a while.

They checked us at the emergency room in Crossville while we waited for Larry, who had decided to head our way, to pick us up. He had a heck of a time too, as the interstate was closed coming from the west as well. When he arrived, I was sitting in a chair. McDonald had his arm in a sling. Jeff was sitting in a wheelchair and looking like Rocky Balboa after his first fight with Apollo Creed.

We were all nervous on the way home but finally made it at 6 in the morning.

After several operations, Jeff is back to normal, except for some false teeth. McDonald’s arm healed but only after he missed a season of senior softball. I was sore for a while but had no injuries. We have been to many basketball and football games since, and the terror of that night is slowly fading away. However, we still talk about that night as we go down the interstate, and I always look at the spot where the truck created a wall across the road. The spot where we lived several hours in our own disaster movie.

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The Name of the Game

6 Mar

My parents watch The Wheel of Fortune every night, and I will tune in with them on occasion. Tonight was one of those nights, as we spent some quality family time with Pat, Vanna and the Big Wheel. I have always been a big fan of game shows, and Wheel is one of my favorites. I was even lucky enough once to spin the wheel and have my picture made with Pat and Vanna (although it was better with Chuck Woolery). I usually try to guess the puzzles as fast as possible, but this time I began thinking about a potential blog post (What does that say about me?)

What are my all-time favorite game shows? There are a bunch to choose from, but I have narrowed it down to five.

At the top of the list stands Press Your Luck.

Man, I loved this show. Airing in the mid-80s, it was hosted by Peter Tomarken and announced by Rod Roddy, who apparently did every game show. There were three contestants who answered two rounds of questions. Correct answers would give each person a number of spins. The questions were usually easy, but that wasn’t the point of the game. Everything hinged on the Big Board, which had prize squares mixed in with Whammies, cartoon creatures that would take all of your money. I was fascinated by two things.

One, the platform for the contestants moved when it was time to face the board.

Second, I just knew there had to be a pattern to movements of the squares. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one who thought that. Michael Larson, pictured above, reached game show infamy when he figured out the pattern and constantly hit the prize squares. He spun 45 times without hitting a Whammy and won a record $110,000. His turn lasted so long that they made two episodes out of it.

Always remember, “BIG BUCKS! BIG BUCKS! NO WHAMMIES!”

The Match Game is next on the list.

There are several versions of this one, but the best came in the 70s and was hosted by Gene Rayburn, who would read a line with a blank. Six “celebrities” wrote down the word they thought fit best in the blank, and the contestants would try to match them. However, the game was secondary to the entertainment. The “celebrities” would make jokes and the lines were designed for double entendre answers. My favorite ones were about Dumb Donald.

Many guest “celebrities” played the games, but some seemed to always be there. Brett Somers. Charles Nelson Reilly. Nipsy Russell. Richard Dawson. Fannie Flagg. Jaye P. Morgan.

Never forget, when someone says, “Dumb Donald was so dumb…” the correct response is “How dumb was he?”

Ranking third is Tic Tac Dough.

Wink Martindale, a native of Jackson, Tennessee, hosted my favorite version of this show in the 70s and 80s. The game was played like tic-tac-toe with questions. Each square had a category that affected the strategy. Contestants not only picked the appropriate square to win but also the category they knew best. Between each question the categories were mixed along with squares with special rules. When a contestant won a game, they went to the bonus round where they tried to win money and avoid the dragon.

Looking back, the questions were simple, and there were a lot of tie games. When this happened, the same two people kept playing until someone won. Each time, the money built up, and the stakes got higher.

Blockbusters comes in next.

Bill Cullen, the greatest game show host ever, reigned over the best incarnation of this game. Different from other shows, this one pitted a team of two people against an individual. They would try to make their way through letter-filled hexagons to make a line across the board. The answer to each space started with the letter involved. The bonus round involved getting across the board in a minute.

The questions were easy, but Cullen was the highlight of the show. He was a host and a guest on numerous shows despite the damaging effects of polio and the need for thick glasses. He was the perfect example of someone who could triumph over obstacles placed in front of him.

Card Sharks is last on the list.

Hosted best by Jim Perry, the game saw two contestants compete in a super-sized game of War. A question based on “100 People Surveyed” would be asked, and a player guessed the number who answered it. Their opponent would then guess higher or lower. The winner would then try to predict a series of giant cards by saying “higher” or “lower”. If they missed, then the other player took a turn.

I liked this show because of the giant cards and the models that placed them in position. Surprisingly, this is the only show on the list with models. I have shocked myself. It seems that the kid version of me was more interested in trying to win the games from home than checking out the women presenting the prizes.

With a list like this, it is obvious that I spent a lot of time watching television – game shows in particular. In a future post I will list the five game shows that I hated.

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I Would Like to Thank the Blogademy

5 Mar

You thought the awards season was over with the commendations of the entertainment world’s finest? So did I. But, it looks like us bloggers have our own presentations to make. Thankfully. Shockingly. Luckily. Surrounded by Imbeciles has been recognized for excellence in blogcasting. Actually, that’s probably not the reason, but it was fun to write.

To complete the acceptance process, I can skip the formal speech where I name everyone I ever knew and inevitably forget someone and simply follow an established set of rules.

1. I need to thank the presenter, and I can never thank Snobbery enough. Through her busy schedule of reading, writing, and raising kids, she has also found the time to promote this blog. Without a doubt, the hits would not be coming without her support.

2. I need to link the presenter, so check out the Snobby One and her creative posts. She recently changed the look of her domain, so be sure to tell her it looks good. Although, her old color of orange is my favorite.

3. I need to copy and paste the award which I gratefully accept. Receiving the Liebster Blog Award is the highlight of my life. As Sally Field said, “You like me, right now, you like me!”

You would think I could figure out how to center it.

4. I need to give the Liebster Blog Award to five blogs with less than 200 followers that I believe deserve recognition and more followers. This will be the hardest part because I don’t know what blogs have what followers. With that in mind, I award two blogs tonight and will award three blogs at a later date.

The SF Chronicles follows the adventures of a Canadian living in San Francisco. Before her visa runs out, she wants to complete her goal of visiting all of the states. She really wants to visit Nashville, which makes her cool beyond belief. Her writings are witty and insightful. When you check out the Chronicles, be sure to read about her adventures in photography class.

The Old Jewish Woman Who Changed My Life is written by a dude in my neck of the woods. Weird name for a blog, right? Check out his blog to find out why that name was chosen. He is busy being a med student but also finds time to perform good deeds and blogging about them. He also finds time to party in Atlanta with his friends.

So, the Liebster Award continues its journey through the blog world. As Elvis would say, “Thank you. Thank you very much. You’re a fantastic audience.”

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It’s a Conspiracy

4 Mar

This semester, one of my fellow history teachers is offering a cool class on conspiracies in American history. I wish I could sit in on the course because he covers conspiracies from different eras and explains why people have been attracted to the theories during those times. It is interesting to hear his students talk about the subjects they cover in class and the assignments that he gives them. I can tell that they are having a lot of fun and learning along the way.

A few days ago, a couple of students were in my office talking and explained that each of them have been given a specific conspiracy to research and write about. As one talked about their assignment, I said that I had been there. Then, the other one talked about their assignment, and I have been there as well. Finally, one of them said that I must be the one behind all of the secrets because my travels have made me a common denominator. We laughed, but I began to think, “Damn, I have been to a lot of these places.”

With that in mind, here is a list of the places I have been lucky enough to visit that are connected to some vast conspiracy.

Cape Canaveral – One of the coolest tours anywhere, you can get a upclose view of the launch pads used from the 50s to the present. It is amazing to take a journey through the technological changes. What makes this prime conspiracy territory? Ask any moon landing skeptic, and they will tell you that these launches didn’t go anywhere. The astronauts were walking around somewhere in the desert.

Mount Rushmore – Actually, I didn’t know a conspiracy surrounded this monument until I watched an episode of Brad Meltzer’s Decoded. I thought the only conspiracy involving this place was by the people who made that stupid National Treasure: Book of Secrets movie. However, Meltzer’s minions looked into the possibility of the mount paying homage to racial purity. I don’t know about that, but I know that the Black Hills were the sacred land of the Sioux. The fact that it is now a tourist trap is conspiracy enough.

Roswell – In 1947, a UFO crashed near this New Mexico town, and the government has been covering up the incident ever since. It must be true because there is a museum dedicated to it with a lot of cool exhibits.

What? You didn’t know Bigfoot is an alien?

Then, you probably didn’t know that they have real recreations of alien autopsies.

Actually, the museum is interesting and has an extensive collection of UFO videos, research and writings.

Memphis – I wrote in a recent post about my visit to the National Civil Rights Museum, built on the site of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s assassination.

This conspiracy springs from the idea that a petty criminal like James Earl Ray could not have shot King and escaped to Europe without help. Ray fed this idea with his insistence that he was working with a man named Raoul. I have also wondered how Ray got away but had my questions answered after reading Hellhound on His Trail: The Stalking of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the International Hunt for His Assassin.

Dallas – The granddaddy of all conspiracy theories is based around the assassination of John F. Kennedy at Dealy Plaza. Most people probably believe that Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone. Some say it was the mafia. Others say it was the Cubans, the Russians, or even the vice president. I don’t know about any of that, but I believe this conspiracy lingers for a couple of reasons.

First, a president, Abraham Lincoln, was actually the victim of a conspiracy.

Second, a visit to Dealy Plaza leads people to believe that something else must have happened. Walking around the grounds, it just makes sense that the gunman was on the grassy knoll and not in a window on an upper floor of a building. It is difficult to describe the area, but everyone should take a look for themselves. I must admit that of all the conspiracies this is the one I come closest to believing.

There you have it. The list of conspiratorial places that I have visited. I promise that this doesn’t make me the Cigarette-Smoking Man from The X-Files. Where’s my proof? If I was, then the following would happen.

Derek Dooley would resign as the head football coach at Tennessee, and the team would never lose another game.

I would win the lottery.

People would be breaking the law when they throw chewing gum on the ground.

I would win every hand of Blackjack.

All of us bloggers would be world-famous.

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On Top of the Tornado

3 Mar

Storms swept across Tennessee today and left some destruction in their wake. Tornado warnings and watches were all over as the map turned green, orange and red. Thankfully, not much happened around my house, but it reminded me of a time that I found myself on top of the tornado. This tornado to be specific:

In 2008, my girlfriend of the time and I traveled to Atlanta for the Southeastern Conference basketball tournament. We hit the afternoon session to see my favorite team, the University of Tennessee, win a close game. As it ended, fans from all of the teams filed out of the Georgia Dome in anticipation of the night session and more excitement to come. However, we had other plans. Dinner reservations at the restaurant on top of our hotel, the kind that slowly turns so patrons can get a panoramic view of the city. After dinner and a few drinks, we would hit the lobby bar before turning in. As we got dressed and prepared for the evening, we could not anticipate what was really going to happen.

As we left the room, she asked if we should take our phones, and I said no because we weren’t even leaving the building. We took the special elevator to the top and exited into a crowded restaurant with people laughing and dishes clanking. With a little time to wait for a table, we found a seat, ordered some drinks and watched the sky light up in the distance. Lightning was everywhere, but it was miles away. At no point did anyone think that it would have an effect on us. Then, it happened. I noticed a strange haze outside and suddenly saw a large piece of something fly by. I immediately grabbed my girlfriend’s arm and said let’s go. Why?

I could only say one word. Tornado.

As we moved it hit the hotel. Diners screamed and began to panic. Chandeliers swayed, hitting the ceiling with each swing. The building was swaying as well. Not a good feeling when you are 73 stories high.

People immediately began running down the stairs thinking that they could beat the fall if the building collapsed. There was no way I was getting trampled in that stampede, so we stayed behind and rode the elevator down with the restaurant staff. By then, the tornado had passed and the electricity had not gone out. It was the slowest elevator ride ever because we really didn’t know if we would make it all the way down. Luckily, we did, and, when the doors opened, we found a lobby turned into a refugee camp. People who had been on the street came straggling in covered with water, dirt, debris and with haggard looks on their faces. It was a disaster movie come to life.

As people continued to pour in, we learned what happened after the tornado hit. It traveled down the street, wreaking havoc along the way, and hit the Georgia Dome where a basketball game was being played. Fans and players scrambled as the roof was ripped apart and pieces fell on top of them. I realized that my dad would have been watching the game and seen the carnage. I didn’t have a phone and was banned from going to the upper floors. Knowing that my parents were home worrying, I could kick myself for leaving my phone behind, but I got lucky again. Sitting on the floor across from me was a man from my hometown. I used his phone to call home, and my parents relayed what they were seeing on television. It was hell outside, and we were lucky to be alive.

After several hours, we were allowed to go to our room and got there at the same time as the people next to us. When they opened the door, they stood with shocked looks on their faces. Like moths to a flame, we followed them in and saw their entire window blown out. We were standing in an open room 40 stories in the air. Lucky once more, our room was untouched.

We left the next day and, for the first time, realized what we had found ourselves in. Debris was piled on all of the streets, and demolition workers had cleared a path on one street to get people to the interstate. It was like driving through an apocalyptic landscape, and we were scared. The shock and adrenaline had worn off, and reality set in. We came close to death and never realized it.

Lucky has been used a lot in this post, but that is an understatement. It’s been four years, and I still don’t have adequate words to describe it.

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Menacing Phantom?

2 Mar

Earlier in the week, my nephew wanted me to see The Phantom Menace (I decided not to put the words “Star Wars” with it.) with him. I didn’t want see it, but I didn’t want to disappoint him either. He’s 18 and has seen all of the good (read: original ones). Apparently, he just couldn’t miss the 3D, big screen version of this one. A smart lad, he made a 35 on the ACT, but I knew that he didn’t know what he was doing and would be disappointed.

How did I know that? Because I was disappointed when I first saw it. I could remember the awe of seeing Star Wars (before they added “New Hope”) on the first row of the old Capitol Theater. The music. The spaceship flying across the screen. It was beautiful. I hoped against hope that The Phantom Menace would provide the same feeling but deep down knew that it would be impossible. George Lucas should have known it would be impossible too.

Anyway, we went to the movie and donned our glasses. The music played and an old feeling of awe emerged. Then, the paragraph hit the screen with the words “taxation” and “trade routes” Who in the world would make a movie about those things? A lot of action there. That feeling of awe seeped right out of my soul. Throughout the movie, I kept thinking about all of the problems.

1. They made a complicated series about economics and politics. I have to put up with that in real life. When I go to a movie named Star Wars, I want to escape my world. The first movie (I mean the real first one.) was a simple good guys v. bad guys affair. The story has been filmed countless times. Lucas just added some special effects to it. Although, he says otherwise. I am convinced that Lucas had one western-type story to film, and it hit huge. When the studio saw that money could be made, they asked for more. There couldn’t have been a grand plan for an epic. If so, then why did a brother kiss a sister? There is no way he thought past the first one.

I know. This is going too long. However, the richer Lucas became the more he thought people were interested in his views on the world. We are not. We are interested in him making simple stories with a lot of cool effects.

Oh, and how do you democratically elect a queen?

2. Everybody complains about Jar Jar Binks, but he is actually the most endearing member of his species. The fat leader was ridiculous. I know people jumped on Jar Jar because of racism, and there is no way he is a good sidekick replacement for Chewy. However, the absolute worst character is the announcer for the race. In action films, comedy should be subtle. You don’t need clowns spouting off everywhere.

3. Computer generated aliens are not as good as people dressed like aliens. Lucas got all happy with his technology and made too many insect-looking creatures. The cool ones were walking around on two legs with humanoid features. Like the plot, some things should be kept simple.

4. Lucas introduced a kid. How can we believe that a cute little blonde kid is going to grow up to be one of the greatest villains in movies history? It should have started with him being a pissed off teenager. And, how gross is it to see Natalie Portman and this kid together when we know that they will eventually get it on? Very upsetting.

I could go on, but I don’t want to be like Lucas and drag this thing out. When the film ended, I asked my nephew how he liked it. He liked it. A lot. In fact, he liked it better than the original. How could that be? Maybe it was seeing it on the big screen. He has only seen the first ones on TV, and, honestly, that does take away some effect. He’s a smart kid. I had to know. So, I asked why. He replied that the first one was too slow with too much talking. I couldn’t believe it, so I watched it the next day. Turns out that he is right.

Star Wars was groundbreaking movie that changed the audience and the industry, but, like many things, it seems bigger as a child. Like I tell my history classes, people talk about the good old days, but they were never really that good. All generations have problems, but we look at the past through rose-colored glasses. I think some Star Wars fans, including me, have done this. The first movies had such an impact that nothing else could compare. But, young people like my nephew have a different perspective. Not just about Star Wars but about the world.

So, maybe Lucas was right after all. They are his movies to do as he pleases. Just like a professional football team, there are fans, but there is also an owner. In the end, it belongs to him. Star Wars belongs to Lucas. Maybe he realized the purity of the first ones needed to be changed for a new world view. Perhaps he realized that 21st Century audiences needed a more complicated story. It could be that he wasn’t making them for the 1970s/80s fans.

With that in mind I started thinking about The Phantom Menace with a more positive view.

1. It was cool to see the Jedi Council building. I only wish that Samuel L. Jackson had looked at Liam Neeson and said, “Look motherfucker! Can’t you see that this little punk is going to become the baddest ass we have ever seen?!”

2. Darth Maul was cool too. How can you go wrong with a red dude with horns? After all, only Satan could precede Darth Vader.

3. Liam Neeson made an excellent Jedi. At least he made the movie and didn’t bitch afterwards like Alec Guiness did for years.

4. Jar Jar and the gang turned out to be pretty good on the battlefield. They stood up to the droid army and didn’t slobber on themselves too much. Besides, how bad could they be compared to Ewoks?

In the end, my nephew changed my mind a little about The Phantom Menace. Then, he asked, “Which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek? Sigh.

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