My iPod Has Issues – Part 8

10 Sep

My iPod is on the couch and ready to bare its soul. It wants to know why it drives people crazy. It wants to know why people think it’s weird. It wants to know if it truly has a split personality. The only way to do that is to let the psychiatrist delve into the deep recesses of its mind.Psychiatrist

It’s a surprisingly simple procedure – just hit shuffle and see what comes out.

“A Good-Hearted Woman” by Waylon Jennings

“California Dreamin'” by The Mamas and the Papas

“Old Friend” by Lyle Lovett

“A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke

“Baker Street” by Jerry Rafferty

“Ticket to Ride” by The Beatles

“Oh! Look at Me Now” by Frank Sinatra

“Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)” by Sly and the Family Stone

“Pretty Maids All in a Row” by The Eagles

“Still of the Night” by Whitesnake

“Walk This Way” by Run-DMC

“Rocket 88” by Jackie Brenston and His Delta Cats

“Deeper Water” by Paul Kelly

“Me and Mrs. Jones” by Billy Paul

“Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain” by Willie Nelson

“The Dirty Boogie” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra

“Gitarzan” by Ray Stevens

“Your Love is Amazing” by Robert Ward

“Jim Dandy” by LaVern Baker

“The Road” by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis

Did we learn anything?

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The Stuff I Think About While Eating Mexican Food

9 Sep

Over the weekend, we had dinner at a local Mexican restaurant, and, as usual, it was packed. It seems that everyone likes Mexican food, and it seems that every town has a dozen restaurants to choose from. However, I can remember when you had to search to find good Mexican food.

When I was a kid, the only place in our area was a chain restaurant called El Chico’s. They had two Nashville locations, but our favorite was in Rivergate Mall, once the most popular mall around. While most restaurants are around a mall, this one was inside the mall. I always thought it was cool to walk into because it was like entering another world. We went from bright lights and mall music to a darkened restaurant with cool music.

Looking back on it, I guess it was kind of cheesy. There were fountains in the entrance and the decor was something that Americans would think was pure Mexican. The food was great because there was no competition. I have no idea how that food compares to what we have now, but the sopapillas were definitely better. Today’s restaurants have some crispy thing covered with cinnamon. The sopapillas of El Chico’s was made correctly, fluffy with a way to pour honey into it.Sopapillas

The other El Chico’s was on Murfreesboro Road and didn’t have the same feel. The food was the same, but it was like walking into a regular restaurant because it wasn’t it a mall. There were no fountains at the entrance, either. We didn’t go there as much, but my most memorable El Chico’s experience happened there.

I ordered my usual cheese enchiladas with rice and refried beans. They brought it out with a little lettuce on the edge of the plate to make it look like there was more food than it really was. Just before I started to eat, this green baby worm crawled out of the lettuce. It wasn’t a gross worm. In fact, it was kind of cute.

I thought about these two locations as we were eating. However, I didn’t think about the food. I thought about the places where they were located. Rivergate Mall and Murfreesboro Road were Nashville destinations for the locals.

My mom did a bunch of shopping at Rivergate, and it was the place to go for dinner and a movie. I can’t count how many times I cruised around the mall parking lots or took a date to that area.

Murfreesboro Road had a bunch of great restaurants. In addition to El Chico’s, there was The Peddler, The Fifth Quarter, Ireland’s and a bunch of other places.

Rivergate and Murfreesboro Road are no longer the places to go. Time has passed them by as other locations have gained popularity. In fact, they have in some ways become places to avoid – rundown areas where crime has increased.

All of that made me think about how cities evolve. Neighborhoods change. Commercial areas change. Cities are always reinventing themselves as different areas go through phases of transformation. Places thrive for many years before being passed up by a shinier and newer development. Then, renewal sets in as people go back to refurbish what once was a thriving area.

Currently, Nashville is an “It” city. Culturally, it is at its peak. However, many areas that used to drive Nashville’s economic engine aren’t doing that great. Rivergate and Murfreesboro Road are two of those areas. I like Nashville as it is, but I miss the days when they were the places to go.

Apparently, that’s the stuff I think about while eating Mexican food.

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When I Am Elected King…

4 Sep

Throwing chewing gum on the ground will be a federal offense.

Gambling will be legalized in every state.

John Wayne’s birthday will be a holiday, and everyone will be required to watch one of his movies.

People will be required to read at least one book per year.

Time will not fall back or spring ahead. It will stay the same throughout the year.

It's good to be the king.

It’s good to be the king.

Everyone will have the opportunity to see the Grand Canyon.

Country music singers will be required to stand behind a microphone to sing. Willie Nelson never jumped around, and they don’t have to, either.

AC/DC will play at my coronation.

American history will be a required area of study at all levels of education.

My motorcade will consist entirely of Camaros.

Smokey and the Bandit will be shown in theaters throughout the land.

Nick Saban will be banned from coaching college football.

The word “coupon” will be stricken from the English language.

When you slide your credit card into the gas pump, it will not ask you any other questions.

Hot Tamales will be the official candy of the nation.

I will let everyone know what has been going on at Area 51.

After all of that, I will get to work.

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Let’s Go Peay!

3 Sep

College football season has begun, and it was a rousing start for the University of Tennessee. With a 45-0 victory over Austin Peay State University, they got an easy but much-needed win. Instead of boring you with the details of the game, I have decided to share some information about the opposing school.

Austin Peay State University is in Clarksville, Tennessee, which is not too far from Nashville. Clarksville is known for a few things other than the university. It is the largest city around Fort Campbell, a major military installation and home of the 101st Airborne. Legend states that it is the Clarksville mentioned in “The Last Train to Clarksville” by The Monkees. In another musical connection, Jimi Hendrix was stationed at Fort Campbell when he was in the army.

Wilma Rudolph is probably Clarksville’s most famous native. During the 1960 Olympics, she was the first woman to win three gold medals in track and field.Wilma Rudolph

Rudolph did not compete for Austin Peay. Instead, she took her talents to Tennessee State University and its famous track and field team.

Athletically, Austin Peay State University is known more for a chant by the fans than by what happens on the field. To spur their teams to victory, the fans yell, “Let’s Go Peay!” Obviously, that has a double meaning and gets laughs from other fans. However, it was better in the 1970s when Fly Williams played basketball for APSU. A New York City playground legend, Williams managed to find his way to Clarksville.Fly Williams

When Williams was on the court, the fans chanted, “The Fly is Open! Let’s Go Peay!” It could be the greatest chant in college fandom history.

You may be wondering how a school can get a name like Austin Peay that leads to such chants. Austin Peay was the governor of Tennessee in the 1920s, when the university received its charter. Austin Peay

He signed into law the Butler Act, which outlawed the teaching of evolution in Tennessee Schools. This led to the Scopes Monkey Trial, one of the most famous trials in the history of the United States. Ironically, Peay stated that the law should never be put into effect. While it has been stricken from the books, the debate over the theory of evolution and creation continues well into the 21st Century.

I wonder if the evolution folks chanted “Let’s Go Peay!” when he signed the law.

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Hey, Duck! You Should Have Ducked!

30 Aug

A student dropped by my office, and I told him this story. I may as well put in on here, too.

The first rounds of the NCAA Tournament are played in Nashville on a regular basis. We try to get tickets because it is a fun event to attend. You see some great basketball games, and you get to interact with different fan bases. We have seen great upsets and a lot of blowouts. However, one event sticks out that didn’t involve the players.

Several years ago, the University of Oregon played the University of Utah in a first round game. I can’t tell you anything about the game. I don’t know who won, and I have no idea if it was close. I can tell you what happened during one of the breaks in play.

The Oregon cheerleaders were performing a routine in the middle of the floor. Before I go any further, I must say that Oregon has the best cheerleading squad that I have ever seen. I have been to countless sporting events, and no one is better than them.Oregon

That’s also what my buddy was saying as they performed. “Oh!” But, it was followed by a “my!”

Anyway, they were going through their performance when the Utah mascot, some kind of bird, starting walking around on stilts. Apparently, the Oregon mascot, a duck, thought he was getting too close to the cheerleaders. That’s when the duck confronted the bird and motioned for him to get off the court. The bird didn’t budge, so the duck did what any good mascot would do. He grabbed the stilts and started shaking them.

That’s when the Utah bird came off the stilts and decked the duck. The duck retaliated, and, before we knew it, they had each knocked off the other one’s head. The fight was on. A duck with a human head and a bird with a human head were duking it out. This wasn’t some tiddlywinks fight, either. There were some good punches thrown before they started wrestling on the floor.

In the meantime, the male cheerleaders from both squads were bumping chests and about to brawl. (Editorial comment: Male cheerleaders get a bad rap. It looks like a pretty good job to me. On top of that, they have to be pretty strong.)

Before things got too out of hand, security came over and broke up the mascots and the male cheerleaders. But, here’s the thing. The cheerleaders who were performing never broke their routine. It was just like nothing was happening. Maybe, they see this kind of thing all of the time.

In a couple of weeks, I am traveling to Oregon to watch my team, Tennessee, play football against them. I am not sure how good the game will be, so I hope there will be another mascot fight. I think Smokey can take him.

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Looking at the Future Through a Glass Filled with Jack Daniel’s

29 Aug

What happens when you mix cold medicine, Jack Daniel’s and a dystopian movie? Last night, I found out.

I have been under the weather for the past few days, which sucks because classes started over those same few days. Luckily, it was all about going over the syllabi. I am not a big medicine taker, but my wife convinced me that I needed something. I am certain she was right.

Reason #32 to get married = There is someone around to make you take drugs when you are sick.

She also thought that a little whiskey might help. Before you start thinking that she was trying to kill me by mixing medicine and whiskey, I need you to know that we have a happy home. Whiskey is an old remedy for colds and such. Grandmothers used to give it to kids. Of course, that is the old days. Today, that would be considered child abuse and somebody would call the government.

Reason #14 not to trust the government = They make you stop taking home remedies for sickness and make you buy health insurance.

I don’t know if whiskey cures a cold, but it certainly makes you think the cold is going away.

So, I was filled with cold medicine and drinking Jack Daniel’s when I got the urge to watch The Last Chase, a movie about a bleak future. Being a movie made in 1981, that bleak future was supposed to happen about ten years ago. It’s always weird to watch a movie depicting a future that is currently the past. That’s why movie makers and religious leaders who predict the end of the world should follow the same rule. When you envision a future of destruction, set the date a long way into the future.

Anyway, the movie stars Lee Majors, Burgess Meredith and Chris Makepeace.

It was supposed to be the transition of Majors from television star to movie star. That didn’t happen. Instead, he was making this movie while Ryan O’Neal was stealing Farrah Fawcett from him.Farrah Fawcett

At least, that is according to an interview with the director.

Burgess Meredith was not far from the success of Rocky, and I wonder why he signed up for this.

Chris Makepeace was the Jesse Eisenberg of the 1980s, playing the intelligent kid who did not fit in with everyone else.Chris Makepeace

He was in a couple of hits like Meatballs and My Bodyguard, and I began to wonder whatever happened to him. A quick Google search didn’t tell me much. According to the Internet Movie Database, he last appeared in something in 2001. There is a Chris Makepeace tribute page, but it is lacking, as well.

Now, back to the movie. Gas shortages and a plague sent the United States into a tailspin. In the future, the government has clamped down and declared no privately owned vehicles. Everyone is controlled by public transportation. Franklyn Hart is a former race car driver who longs for the old days. He rebuilds his car and plans to drive it across the country to California, which has gained its independence.

A young kid from a boarding school doesn’t fit in with his classmates and spends his time hacking government computers. He hitches a ride, and the two head out.

The government tries to stop them by getting a fighter pilot to chase them down and kill them. He wants to be a free as they do and sacrifices himself so they can make it to their destination.

I have watched the movie a bunch, but this was the first time I have seen it with drugs and alcohol in my system. This is what I picked up.

In the coming apocalypse, our cities will not be destroyed by bombs or rising sea levels. They will be overcome by matte paintings.

Taking drugs and drinking whiskey will make you feel numb.

In the future, Smokey the Bear is still fighting forest fires.

Speaking of smokey, it would be nice if cops of the future really drove black and white golf carts.

When our society breaks down and we abandon the heartland, the Native Americans will take their land back.

Only in the movies can the guy find a woman in the woods to hook up with.Alexandra

The kid learning how to drive in a race car is like taking a driving test at the Indy 500.

The government will stop trying to control Utah and Arizona. Apparently, they are too difficult to deal with.

The future will have sex clubs and promote group sex. The government much think that mass sex is the same a mass transportation.

Even in the future, the government will find a reason to massacre Native Americans.

In the future, a plane can be refurbished in a couple of hours.

For some reason, the look of boarding schools never change. Just ask the X-Men.

Coca-Cola still has a fizz after twenty years in the can.

Combining cold medicine and Jack Daniel’s is an enlightening experience.

Speaking of Jack Daniel’s, it is timeless and will continue to be produced in the future. Same label and everything.

Computer technology will regress to look and function like computers in the 1980s.

Colonel Steve Austin could have ran to California on one leg.

Lee Majors ages more gracefully in the movies than he does in real life.Lee Majors

By they way, he took his stage name from Johnny Majors, who played and coached football at the University of Tennessee.

Since it is football time, that is probably a good one to end on.

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Let’s Talk About Hawthorne (and a few other things, too)

27 Aug

Another semester is upon us, and a new crop of freshmen have arrived.

That sentence popped into my head last night as I contemplated that start of a new academic year. It is always an interesting time as the faculty scramble to get their classes organized and new students scramble to figure out what they have gotten themselves into. The returning members of the sophomore, junior and senior classes are the only ones to be taking things in stride. This is old news to them.

For the first time in a couple of months, the campus is buzzing with activity. The freshmen have been divided into pods and are making their way around the place. I am not sure what they did this morning, but one session was spent going over The Birth-Mark by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Each group met with a different faculty member and discussed what they read.Nathaniel Hawthorne

My group had a decent meeting. They did not like what they had to read but understood that it would probably happen more than once in the next few years.

I enjoyed the part where they talked about themselves. Most were from around this area, but a couple had traveled some distance. A student from Alabama, who is here to play basketball, had been to All Steak. Another student from Lawrence, Kansas is here to be on the cycling team. I told them that I had been to Holcomb, Kansas, and, to my surprise, a student from around here knew why that place is famous.

Another student from a nearby town came from a graduating class of thirteen people. Our discussion group was bigger than that. We advertise about having small classes, but we can’t compare to that.

I learned a lot from the students – more than they probably learned from me. I learned that they already know how to complain about the cafeteria food. I learned that most of our students still come from the general vicinity. I learned that they are generally glad to be here and are looking forward to what lies ahead.

Some of them will make it to graduation. Some of them will wash out within a few semesters. All of them have the experience of reading The Birth-Mark by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

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What Happens When a Settler Says, “Look At All Those Cedar Trees.”

24 Aug

A few days ago, our school, the School of Humanities, Education and the Arts, held a retreat at Cedars of Lebanon State Park, located a few miles south of town. As we sat in the assembly hall and talked about the upcoming academic year, my mind kept wandering toward our surroundings and the times I have spent in the park.

On one side of the hall, there is a playground and some picnic tables. That’s where we had a picnic for my grandfather a few weeks before he passed away. He had a brain tumor, and everyone knew his time was short. Picnics were one of his favorite things, so we had one while he was still able.

On the other side of the hall, there is a softball field in need of much repair. In the past, our university’s intramurals have been played there, but it was built for a different purpose. Years ago my dad sponsored a professional softball team, and he had the field built as a home park. Everything was donated, but some government agency refused to put up the lights. I noticed that there are now lights.

The Dixon Merritt Nature Center is located just past the field.Nature Center

Named for a local historian, the center presents the wildlife that can be found in the park. When I was a kid, we would take field trips to the nature center. I always wondered why a center dedicated to nature would have stuffed animals on display.

There is a short trail behind the nature center that I always thought was cool. It leads into a gully that contains a cave. I never got up the courage to go into the cave, but legend says that it ends underneath the town square. That’s probably not true, but it was the home of a whiskey making operation.

At the other end of the trail, there is a New Deal era recreation building that used to have a ping-pong table. On the other side of that is a playground with a great slide and a great swing set. When I was a kid, I would see how high the swings would go. Some kids jumped out of them. I always dragged my feet on the ground until it stopped.

In the same area, there are a bunch of picnic tables. These fill up the fastest because they are the first ones that people drive past. Unfortunately, my memories of this area aren’t positive. Sitting on one of the tables, a girlfriend and I had one of those discussions that always ends in a breakup.

If people drive past these tables, then they will find other things in the park. Like any good state park, there is a camping area. There are also some pretty cool trails. A swimming pool is located at the far end of the park. I think that I went there once as a kid. It’s a nice pool, but we had one at home.

There is also a frisbee golf course that a few of us played. That’s when I discovered that I am no better at frisbee golf than I am real golf.

Cedars of Lebanon is named for the grove of trees that it encompasses, and our town, Lebanon, is named for the same reason. When settlers first moved into the area, they saw all of the cedars and got all Biblical. You know, the Bible talks about the cedars of Lebanon, so that seemed like a good thing to name the town.Lebanon Flag

These days, Lebanon is known as the “Cedar City.” Although the park is officially named Cedars of Lebanon, most long-time Lebanese call it Cedar Forest. There are “cedar” things all over the place. There is even a Cedarstone Bank that combines the two things we have most of – cedars and rocks.

The rock part is accurate. You can’t dig anywhere around here without hitting them. However, the cedar part presents a problem. One day, I was talking to one of our biology professors who is an expert in plants, and he said something along the lines of:

You know all of the cedars around here. They aren’t cedars. They are junipers.

So, the settlers were wrong. There are no cedars to inspire the name of Lebanon. Now, the city with the wrong name uses a slogan that is just as wrong. The park that has been part of my life and the lives of many people in this area has the wrong name. We thought we were playing amongst the cedars when we were really should have been calling it Juniper Forest.

All I can say is welcome to “Juniper City.”

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How I Ate My Way Through the Wilson County Fair

22 Aug

Wilson County, of which I am a citizen, is the home of the largest fair in Tennessee. Hundreds of thousands attend every year to see what the fair has to offer. It has something for everyone, which is too much to write about in one post. In fact, I don’t think I could fit the Wilson County Fair into several posts. It is truly an amazing event that would not be possible without the hundreds of volunteers who make it happen.Wilson County Fair

Over the past two nights, my wife and I went to the fair. On the first night, we watched the Fairest of the Fair pageant, which was sponsored by Beauty Boutique – my wife’s business. On the second night, we took her daughter to the midway. They were two different experiences, but one theme held throughout both nights. Food!

I can’t write about everything we saw at the fair. People. Animals. Rides. Contests. It’s a long list. Therefore, I am going to tell you how I ate my way through the Wilson County Fair. My wife was by my side, but I’ll leave her part out of it. If she wants you to know about her food experiences, then she can guest post at some point.

The first night started innocently enough. I had always heard about the great roasted corn. Hey, corn is healthy. I go up to the booth, and they pull out the biggest ear of corn that I have ever seen. The husks are pulled down to form a handle. Then, they stuck it in this big container of melted butter. It came out greasy, shining and completely delicious. Whoever came up with the idea of butter should go down in history as one of the all time greats.

The corn served as a good appetizer before going to the Rotary booth for a cheeseburger. Honestly, I was supposed to spend a night working in the Rotary booth, but I have missed a bunch of meetings. In other words, I missed the sign up sheet. It seemed like a good idea to make up for that by buying some food. Plus, Rotary has the best cheeseburgers at the fair.

While watching the beauty pageant, I got restless. Friends kept coming by, and I took those opportunities to get up and talk. Eventually, I needed to walk around. That’s when I headed to the general store to get a Coca Cola in one of those old-time bottles. Coke tastes a lot better from a glass bottle. I should mention that the general store sits in Fiddler’s Grove, a village that represents the history of our community. They play Bluegrass on the back porch.General Store

Back at the pageant, my wife said that she wanted to try a Three Cheese Grilled Cheese Sandwich. It suited me, so I went next door and got a couple. Honestly, it wasn’t the best grilled cheese that I have ever eaten.

After the pageant, it was dessert time. Luckily, Clayborn’s Bakery, a local establishment that has the second greatest donuts in the world, had a booth. In that booth were fried peach pies, one of my favorite desserts. Awesome does not come close to describing it.

Once that was over, I rolled to my car and mentally prepared myself for our impending return to the fair. However, I convinced myself that I was going to take it light. That meant making dinner out of a Walking Taco. This is where they cut a Frito bag in half and filled it with stuff. Fritos. Chili. Cheese. Lettuce. Salsa. Jalapenos. I reckon that’s it.

That one required some walking to work off what I had ingested. This meant checking out the model train display in Fiddler’s Grove. There was also a swing through the rabbit exhibit. Also, we looked at the photographs that had been entered into competition. Oh, I almost forgot the car giveaway.

With that much activity, nourishment was needed and was derived from the Red Velvet Funnel Cake. I am not a big fan of regular Red Velvet Cake, but putting it into a deep fryer improves it tremendously.

There are a lot more food options at the Wilson County Fair, but a fella can only take so much.

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A Brief Look at the Historical Legacy of Lebanon, Tennessee

19 Aug

I just started a new book by Andrew Carroll called Here is Where, about a journey to find historic places that have been lost to, well, history. Although I am only a few pages in, it promises to be a good read about his journey to find these places and the people he met along the way.

It has also made me think about the history of my town. In class, we talk about the big events and people who took part in them, but history is local. There are a lot of amazing stories about people and events that we have never heard of. They are important to the towns in which they lived, but their notoriety doesn’t go past the city limits. My town is full of history.

Of course, some people don’t believe that. Several years ago, I was in a meeting, and a lady said that we had no history. That’s when I rattled off a list that included some of the following.

My workplace, Cumberland University was founded in 1842. Thousands of students have passed through its doors, but none are more important that Cordell Hull.Cordell Hull

Never heard of him? Well, he was Secretary of State under Franklin Roosevelt and known as the “Father of the United Nations”. He was also a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Of course, his time as Secretary of State was in and around World War II. During that time, Cumberland University also played an important role as the headquarters of the Tennessee Maneuvers, a series of war games to prepare for the invasion of Europe. Soldiers fought battles and captures town all of Middle Tennessee. General George Patton was in charge of the Maneuvers and spent some time in town. I have heard that his private plane was still at the local airport when he was killed.George Patton

Another military leader started his career in town. Sam Houston opened his first law office on the square.Sam Houston

He went on to become governor of Tennessee, an office from which he would resign under mysterious circumstances. It was then that he went to Texas and became one of the leaders of the fight for independence from Mexico. After victory, Houston became the president of the nation of Texas and the governor of the state of Texas.

I always thought it was fitting that the Houston Oilers became the Tennessee Titans. They were just coming back home.

Following the military theme, Castle Heights Military Academy opened in 1902 and was a top private school for decades. Kids were sent from all over the world for a regimental education. The local girls loved them. The local guys didn’t care for them all that much. Thousands of students marched the grounds of Castle Heights, and some of them became famous. Can you imagine Gregg and Duane Allman in a military school?Allman Brothers

Me neither. However, they spent time at Castle Heights.

Another famous rock star spent time here while he was doing some recording in Nashville. Paul McCartney showed up with Wings and stayed at a local farm.Paul McCartney

He even wrote a song about it.

The farm was owned, and is still owned by Curly Putman, who wrote “He Stopped Loving Her Today“, considered by most to be the best country song ever recorded.

Oh, there’s one more thing that is of some historic note. Cracker Barrel was founded here by Danny Evins, who started serving food to attract people to his gas station.Cracker Barrel

The next time you get Uncle Herschel’s breakfast you should remember that Uncle Herschel was from here, too.

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