Tag Archives: Weddings

The Future Preacher and the Bomb Threat

15 Oct

This weekend, we went to a wedding, and, as we made our way through the celebration, a blog post worked its way through my mind. It was about how women love weddings and get excited about every aspect of them, but men would just as soon be somewhere else. It was going to continue with the idea that weddings are to women like football games are to men.

For example, I have never understood why someone would get married in the Fall because it is in the middle of football season. Even if it is on a weekend when your team is not playing, your team might be playing on a future anniversary. Why cause that future conflict when there are tons of other weekends to get married on?

When I say that, my wife looks at me like I am insane. How can anyone place a football game over a wedding? It is because women and men view things differently. Football only takes place on certain dates at a certain time of year. People can get married on any day.

Anyway, I decided not to write that post because it would probably be stereotypical, sexist, not funny and argument-inducing. Instead, I am going to write about the preacher at the wedding.

The preacher and I went to high school together, and, although he was a class or two behind me, we worked in the principal’s office together. During our free period, we hung out in the office to answer the phone, run errands and do whatever else needed doing.

One afternoon, the office was packed with people. Parents were there to get kids out of school. Students were there because they had gotten sent to the principal’s office for getting in trouble. The phone was ringing off the hook. The future preacher was working the counter, and I was answering the phone. That is when I heard a voice say:

Bomb threat.

What did you say?

Bomb threat.

Then, he hung up.Bomb

There was a protocol when something like this happened. First, we were not supposed to say anything in front of other people. That is especially true when there is an office full of them. Second, we are supposed to immediately tell the principal. However, there was a problem. The principal was in a high level meeting with his assistants and members of the school board. One assistant principal, who in another life would have been an evil witch queen, made it clear that they were not to be interrupted. This was my chance to interrupt them.

I went to the office and knocked on the door before opening it. The assistant principal glared at me and asked:

What are you doing in here?

I ignored her and spoke straight to the principal. I explained that there had been a bomb threat. He told me to go back out and that he would take care of it. I am certain his plan was to wait until near the end of the class period. That way less class time would be interrupted. This was in the days before bomb threats were deemed all that serious, and it was probably a student playing a prank.

I shut the door and walked back to the main office. That is when I saw the future preacher with the phone in his hand and a shocked look on his face. Before I could stop him, he blurted out:

Bomb threat.

Apparently, the guy called back. Everyone in the office started scurrying around. The parents were freaking out, and the students were joining in.

I just turned around and went back to the meeting. I knocked on the door and opened it. The assistant principal glared at me and asked:

What are you doing here?

I ignored her and spoke straight to the principal. I explained that there had been another call, and everyone in the main office knew about it. He rolled his eyes and got on the loud-speaker. A few minutes later, everyone in the school was walking to the football field.

The story had a happy ending. The school did not blow up. People were able to get out of class for a few minutes. I got the chance to bother the assistant principal. A lot of that was made possible by the future preacher who performed the wedding this weekend. That would be the same wedding that made a lot of women excited. You would have thought it was a football game or something.

 

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Post Wedding Post

7 Jul

A lot has changed since the last post. Namely, Necole and I got married. Everyone said that it was a great ceremony, but I keep thinking about how fast it went. The whole thing was over before I realized it. Here are a few highlights.

It rained. That never happens around here in July. Usually, it is bone dry. Rain is something that people usually wish for this time of year. We weren’t wishing for it because it was going to be an outdoor wedding. Despite this weather, it turned out great. We moved it inside and had the reception under a big tent. It was also cool. One of my friends said something about how he was glad that sweat wasn’t running down the…well, I’ll stop there.

People also seemed to enjoy our musical choices. There was no “Wedding March”, or whatever it is called when the bride comes down the aisle. We had some Etta James. There was also some Beyonce. I walked out to “Ecstasy of Gold” from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.Good Bad Ugly

An Ennio Morricone themed wedding can’t be beat.

I write all of that to say that the wedding went great even with the rain. It was a just a hurdle that had to be crossed, and we did it successfully. After the wedding, we went to The Hutton, one of Nashville’s fanciest hotels. It was good to be by ourselves for the evening.

It was there that we learned about the plane crash at the San Francisco Airport. It was a tragedy, and it was lucky that there were not as many deaths. Selfishly, we thought about the fact that we are supposed to fly into the San Francisco Airport tomorrow. If it is open, then it will feel weird to land at a place where a crash just happened.

Here I am experiencing my first day of marriage. I have lost the keys to my house. We are wondering if we will be able to fly to our honeymoon destination. It’s just another day in the life of an old married dude.

The next post will be the “Post Honeymoon Post” and, hopefully, will be about our adventures in Napa Valley.

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The Big Misdirection

29 Jun

My fingers hover over the keyboard, but they don’t know which keys to hit. My mind really hasn’t come up with many good blogging ideas lately because there is simply too much going on. The wedding is one week from today, and there is a lot still to do. Go here. Go there. Get this. Get that. It all adds up to something I call the “Big Misdirection”.Magician

Last week, I saw “Now You See Me”, a movie about a team of magicians. Like all good magician movies, they talked about the art of misdirection. Get the audience looking one way when all of the action is going on somewhere else. It’s what magicians have been doing for centuries. Heck, there are even misdirections to stop you from focusing on the real misdirection.

I am convinced that weddings are one big misdirection. There is all this stuff to do. Cake tastings. Fittings. Decide on a caterer. Pick out the music. Before you realize it, there is so much going on that you just want it to be over. Once the wedding has taken place, you the entire build up is suddenly gone.

However, that is the misdirection. You get focused on wanting to get the wedding over with that you forget that this lifetime commitment follows. The ceremony takes place. Everyone has fun at the reception. As a couple, you ride off into the sunset. Relief sets in as you realize that you never have to answer another email from the wedding planner. Then, it hits. You realize that you are married and a completely different phase of your life has begun.

So, it’s one “Big Misdirection”. You are so stressed about one day that you can’t think about how it’s a life changing event. It’s a magic trick worthy of applause, and, in the end, it’s a magic trick that I am happy to take part in.

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