Tag Archives: Beyonce

Which Witch is Which

7 Feb

The other night, we, like a ton of other people, went to a Super Bowl party. It was a fun gathering with great food and great friends. As often happens, I learned a few things while I was there.

First, people at Super Bowl parties do not watch the Super Bowl. During the game, they eat, talk, mingle and all sorts of other things. I was guilty of this because I did not care who won the game. It was background music for what was happening within the room. However, the same people got quiet and paid attention to the halftime show.

In short, I learned that a lot of people watch a concert and a football game breaks out.

Secondly, I learned that Katy Perry, the halftime performer, is a witch. At least, this is what folks on social media were saying. Of course, that would be a pretty sharp turn for someone who used to be a Christian singer and likes to dance with Jabberjaw.Shark

A halftime show being performed by a witch follows a line of Super Bowl halftime shows that sent dark forces through our television screens.

Madonna’s performance was designed by the Illuminati and announced the arrival of the Antichrist. If you do not believe it, then look around the Internet. It is all right there.

Not to be outdone, Beyonce’s performance was also filled with Illuminati symbolism. I am not sure what message they were trying to get across, but Beyonce did all she could to get everyone’s attention. Heck, she even knocked out the lights, which allowed the field to be brought from the dark to the light. Illuminati was written all over it.

With all of the symbolism during these shows, I wonder if they used the symbol himself, Prince. That purple guitar has to mean something.

To honor Katy Perry’s witchiness and all of these performers for their service to the dark forces, here are a few of my favorite witches.

Samantha Stevens – She tried to hide her powers, but they always saved the day.Bewitched

However, I do not understand why someone with her skills did not notice when her husband turned into another person.

Stevie Nicks – My favorite witch of all time.Stevie

The dressed like a witch. She sang about witches. She is the coolest witch of all time.

The Bell Witch – I have to include some local lore. I will not go into the entire story, but she is the only witch to be officially recognized by the United States government.Bell Witch

Any kid who grows up in Tennessee knows that you never stand in front of a mirror and say her name three times.

Broom Hilda – We had a high school teacher that we called Broom Hilda.Broom Hilda

It was not nice, but she earned it.

Melisandre – Anyone who watches Game of Thrones knows all about her.Melisandre

She can convince kings to burn people at the stake, and she can give birth to smoke monsters.

Rhea of the Coos – There cannot be a list of witches without including one created by Stephen King.Rhea

The Dark Tower series is filled with dangerous characters, but Rhea of the Coos is one of the most dangerous.

The Witch – She does not need a name. She only needs her feminine ways to lure Conan the Barbarian into her lair.Conan

He threw her into a fire, but she came a lot closer to killing him than James Earl Jones ever did.

Marie Laveau – She was the Witch Queen of New Orleans and was said to remain forever young. Redbone recorded a great song about her, and people visit her grave.Marie

I have been there and drawn three X’s on her tomb. That is supposed to wake her up to offer some black magic help for anyone who needs it.

There are plenty of more witches out there casting spells and dancing in the woods. I wonder which one the Illuminati will get to perform at next year’s Super Bowl.

My iPod Has Issues – Have I Really Written That Much?

6 Feb

I just realized that my last post was Number 400. I cannot believe that I have written that many words on this blog. Some of the posts seem like they were written yesterday. There are other ones that have faded from my memory. All I know is that 400 posts never entered my mind when all of this started.400

To commemorate this milestone, I am going to let my mind and my fingers rest and put together the most simple post that I know how to do. Exploring the dark passages in the mind of my iPod may look difficult and dangerous, but it really is not that hard to accomplish. Despite its reputation of taking people into musical realms that they think is nuts, my iPod does not mean harm. In fact, it is quite pleasant if you can accept it for what it is – a bipolar yet well-rounded individual.

With that being said, let us shuffle up and play.

“Thirsty Man” by Blitzen Trapper

“The Ball Game” by Sister Wynona Carr

“The Day Begins” by The Moody Blues

“It Happened in Monterey” by Frank Sinatra

“Jumpin’ Jack Flash” by The Rolling Stones

“Hello Again” by Neil Diamond

“With Pen In Hand” by Dorothy Moore

“Adagio for TRON” by Daft Punk

“Cry Me A River” by Diana Krall

“I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt

“Rollin'” by Big and Rich

“I See You Baby” by Groove Armada

“Respect Yourself” by The Staple Singers

“Crazy In Love” by Beyonce

“God Is Rhythm” by White Boy, Big Mouth and the Assassin with Mia Dunn

“She’s Got You” by Loretta Lynn

“How Blue Can You Get?” by B.B. King

“I Feel Love” by Donna Summer

“Polk Salad Annie” by Tony Joe White

“Twentieth Century Fox” by The Doors

This is post Number 401, and there is a lot more to go.

Post Wedding Post

7 Jul

A lot has changed since the last post. Namely, Necole and I got married. Everyone said that it was a great ceremony, but I keep thinking about how fast it went. The whole thing was over before I realized it. Here are a few highlights.

It rained. That never happens around here in July. Usually, it is bone dry. Rain is something that people usually wish for this time of year. We weren’t wishing for it because it was going to be an outdoor wedding. Despite this weather, it turned out great. We moved it inside and had the reception under a big tent. It was also cool. One of my friends said something about how he was glad that sweat wasn’t running down the…well, I’ll stop there.

People also seemed to enjoy our musical choices. There was no “Wedding March”, or whatever it is called when the bride comes down the aisle. We had some Etta James. There was also some Beyonce. I walked out to “Ecstasy of Gold” from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.Good Bad Ugly

An Ennio Morricone themed wedding can’t be beat.

I write all of that to say that the wedding went great even with the rain. It was a just a hurdle that had to be crossed, and we did it successfully. After the wedding, we went to The Hutton, one of Nashville’s fanciest hotels. It was good to be by ourselves for the evening.

It was there that we learned about the plane crash at the San Francisco Airport. It was a tragedy, and it was lucky that there were not as many deaths. Selfishly, we thought about the fact that we are supposed to fly into the San Francisco Airport tomorrow. If it is open, then it will feel weird to land at a place where a crash just happened.

Here I am experiencing my first day of marriage. I have lost the keys to my house. We are wondering if we will be able to fly to our honeymoon destination. It’s just another day in the life of an old married dude.

The next post will be the “Post Honeymoon Post” and, hopefully, will be about our adventures in Napa Valley.

Bane, Beyonce and Buffalo Wild Wings

6 Feb

Everyone knows that the Super Bowl turned into the NFL version of Vicki Lawrence’s 1972 hit “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia“. The biggest sporting event that the United States has to offer came to a screeching halt, and officials of all sorts began to scramble all over themselves. Well, Twitter didn’t come to a halt, and those in the Twitterverse began to scramble to come up with the wittiest comments.

Like millions, I scanned my Twitter feed during this dark time and, like millions, noticed that I was reading the same stuff over and over. Twitter people come up with some very imaginative and funny lines, but they can also become copycats. I noticed that a few themes began to emerge. The first person who tweeted this things were being original and funny. The next billion or so were a little late to the “Super Bowl of the Dark Ages” party.

Bane was everywhere. Or was it Baine. No, it could have been Bain. For a one syllable named villain, there sure were a lot of spelling versions. He was an obvious reference for the interrupted game. It the movie, he blows up the field during a kickoff return for a touchdown. In real life, the lights went out after a kickoff return for a touchdown. I understand the reference and found it clever the first time. But, I didn’t find it clever the 10,000th time.

SPELL MY NAME!!!

SPELL MY NAME!!!

Beyonce was also all over Twitter. Of course, she was all over Twitter before the lights went out. All of the tweets were about her pulling all of the power out of the stadium or about her booty bumping into the generator. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if either one of those were the actual cause.

We bow to you, Mrs Carter.

We bow to you, Mrs Carter.

I thought the references to Buffalo Wild Wings were the most ingenious. For those who don’t know, the restaurant chain has a long running advertising campaign where patrons delay sporting events to stay in the bar longer. If I was the CEO of Buffalo Wild Wings, then I would have a new commercial out a fast as possible.

Yes, it was us.

Yes, it was us.

Those were funny, even though they got stale after a while. Another trend I did not find funny at all. Several tweets went out that mentioned how it was rich people who were trapped in the Super Dome this time. Obviously, this was a reference to people being trapped in the Super Dome during Hurricane Katrina. Also obviously, it was coming from people with a more liberal view of politics. I know this because there were some other tweets about it being the fault of the GOP.

Making fun of the GOP is fine, but I felt that the tweets took light of the situation during Katrina rather than making an overt political statement. It’s strange that those who consider themselves the most enlightened are sometimes the cruelest when attacking those who disagree with them. Folks on the extreme left and right will think this crazy, but I think they have more in common than they realize. Close-mindedness and refusing to understand the other view come to mind.

Ok, I didn’t mean to get on a political soapbox when I am actually on a Twitter soapbox. Now, back on track.

I’m not good at being funny on Twitter because I have an affliction. I think of clever stuff after the moment has passed. With that being said, here are some not clever things that I thought about after it was all over.

Andrew Jackson saved New Orleans once. He should have gone down there and saved it again. I know. History humor is not that humorous. Still, it took a Tennessee person to save New Orleans from the British, so I figure he could save it from Bane or Beyonce or Buffalo Wild Wings.

Hell, they already put up a statue of him down there.

Hell, they already put up a statue of him down there.

As an aside, it seems to always take a Tennessee person to get something done. Jackson saved New Orleans. Sam Houston brought in Texas. James K. Polk grabbed California. Cordell Hull created the United Nations. Tina Turner was Beyonce before there was a Beyonce.

I also thought of Marie Laveau, the witch queen of New Orleans. Redbone sang a song about her, but there is something better. If you knock on her grave three times, then she may grant you a wish. I knocked, but I didn’t get the wish. I figure she turned out the lights because the Super Bowl interrupted Mardi Gras.

Knock three times.

Knock three times.

However, I had another idea that was most fitting. The lights went out to honor Don Meredith, quarterback and Monday Night Football personality. Watch the video to understand why.

Turn out the lgihts. The party's over.

Turn out the lights. The party’s over.

That’s about it for my Super Bowl Twitter analysis.