The Television Guide

20 Nov

A few posts ago, I wrote about the wonders of television in the early years of cable. Everyone was amazed when we could watch more than three channels, and there seemed to be an endless supply of on air entertainment. However, it wasn’t long before we began to complain about nothing on television to watch.

Well, these days we have Direct TV and hundreds of channels, and people still complain about nothing to watch. I know that I complain about it, anyway.

I would rather have them guide me.

With nothing better to write about, I decided to page through the channel guide and see what comes on at 9:00 tonight. There could be something on.

ABC – Castle (never saw it before)

Public Television – The Dust Bowl (by Ken Burns)

CNN – Anderson Cooper 360 (cancelled his daytime show because he’s a vampire)

See his fangs emerging?

ESPN News – SportsCenter (for the 18th time today)

MLB – To Be Announced (realized nobody watches MLB baseball anyway)

NBC Sports – Poker After Dark (a show I would actually watch)

Especially when she is playing.

Liquidation Channel – Gift Spectacular (skip Black Friday)

Food Network – Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (met a woman this week who called it Triple D)

I think it would be a good idea to open a restaurant in New York City.

E! – Nicki Minaj: My Truth (admits that she sucks)

Home Shopping Network – Twiggy London Fashions (Did Twiggy eat herself to death?)

Twiggy, the first supermodel.

TNT – The Mentalist (one of a million crime-solving shows)

We – Roseanne (Ugh!)

I’ll say it again. Ugh!

A&E – Intervention (watch someone else’s suffering to make yourself feel better)

TLC – Breaking Amish: The Shunning Truth: Extended Episode (only a special episode would include two colons)

ID – Disappeared (solve a non-fictional crime this time)

Disney – Good Luck Charlie (probably going to need it to be a successful Disney star like Brittney)

Nickelodeon – Drake & Josh (has any Nick star gained more fame?)

ION – Criminal Minds (another crime-solving show)

Can we catch the sadistic killer within the next hour?

NOVA – Programming Will Return (out to lunch)

BET – Mama, I Want to Sing (girl goes from church choir to pop star – hope it ends better than Whitney’s story)

VH1 – Marrying the Game (yeah, I’m not sure)

C-SPAN – Tonight From Washington (pulls the money directly from your pocket and into the Beltway)

Carrying the load, man. Carrying the load.

The Weather Channel – Weather Center Live (what do they do without a natural disaster?)

Daystar – Jesse Duplantis (evangelist that I’ve never heard of – bad for a Bible Belt resident)

BYU TV – The Song That Changed My Life (followed by The Many Wives of Dobie Gillis)

AUDIENCE – Blackberry Smoke (southern rock)

HBO2 – Seabiscuit (a guy in high school was nicknamed Seabiscuit)

HBOLatin – Epitafios (Argentinian crime-solving show)

Where are all the hot women from the Mexican soap operas?

Cinemax 5 – Something Borrowed (Cinemax After Dark has better romantic-comedies)

Starz – Martin Lawrence Presents 1st Amendment Standup (the Constitution is always a good comedic source)

Starz Cinema – Made in Dagenham (a classic starring Sally Hawkins)

Encore Suspense – Diagnosis Murder (Dick Van Dyke is a doctor who does not trip over stools)

Showtime – Primary Colors (Clinton did that stuff before he was president, too?)

Don’t worry. I’ve don’t this a bunch of times. Have a cigar.

Showtime Next – Leaves of Grass (about a professor who fights crime)

Flix – The Deer Hunter (used loaded guns in the Russian Roulette scene)

Method Acting.

MGM – Kiss the Bride (would rather watch an Argentinian crime-solving show)

Palladia – Palladia Special (no information available)

I think I will skip all of that and get on the treadmill.

9 Responses to “The Television Guide”

  1. sj November 20, 2012 at 04:09 #

    This is why I rarely watch television.

    • Rick November 20, 2012 at 04:16 #

      Probably not a bad thing to avoid.

  2. javaj240 November 20, 2012 at 05:39 #

    I just realized that I forgot to watch Part II of “The Dustbowl”. I’m a sucker for Ken Burns. The first part of this documentary was very good. Considering it’s importance in our history, The Dustbowl just doesn’t get as much press as it should (overshadowed as it was by The Great Depression).

    • Rick November 20, 2012 at 06:17 #

      You’re correct that it doesn’t get enough attention. Even as a historian, it is hard to realize what those people went through.

      • javaj240 November 20, 2012 at 06:20 #

        I cannot even imagine. It must have seemed like the end of the world the first time they experienced it. The fact that so many of them endured this horror for a decade…. Crazy.

  3. Madame Weebles November 20, 2012 at 18:03 #

    I have to admit I do watch the ID Channel fairly religiously.

    • Rick November 20, 2012 at 18:05 #

      It must be a popular genre because there are a lot of crime investigation shows out there.

  4. Manu Kurup December 13, 2012 at 17:20 #

    They really used loaded guns? And they call it method acting? Goodness!

    • Rick December 13, 2012 at 20:40 #

      That’s the story, anyway. I think I could have done without the real bullets.

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