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Alternate Versions of Me

19 Sep

I have often heard people say, “You should Google yourself and see what it says.” Apparently, a lot of people do this, so I decided to do it, too. Now, I have a simple name that is probably common. It not common like John Smith, but it’s not Engelbert Humperdink, either. With a decently common name, I found a lot of alternate versions of myself.

The first version is a singer who has a MySpace page. Heck, I didn’t even know MySpace still existed. Anyway, he has a list of songs that can be listened to. My favorite is a cover version of “He Ain’t Heavy”.

I don’t know, but I bet a metal kid is kind of heavy.

Another version of me is the executive director of the AIA chapter in New York. Apparently, it is an architecture thing because he is a registered architect.

I hope he designed this because it’s cool, and he has a cool name.

The next version is a lawyer in Sugar Land, Texas. This guy has a long resume filled with numerous awards and a long list of professional organizations. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer. I guess that would have made me an alternative version of myself.

On second thought, maybe they wanted me to have another job. I can’t remember.

There is also a version that is a State Farm agent in Chatfield, Minnesota. I know what you are thinking. That is the most exciting thing you have ever heard of.

Dressing up as a bear might make it more exciting.

Somewhere in the list of alternatives, I found the real me. There I am in all of my glory – historian, lecturer, member of the Rotary, a regular jack of all trades.

Overall, this Googling myself thing was a weird experience because it’s a little strange to read about people with the same name as me. I wonder if there would be an explosion if a couple of us ran into each other. I don’t know about that, but I know that I would hate to be named John Smith. Wait, I would hate to be named Engelbert Humperdink, too.

Viva La Blue Chairs

31 Aug

The blue chairs have returned. Last night, I received a message that something had happened, but I wasn’t sure until I walked into work this morning. Lo and behold, the chairs were in their rightful place. Revolutionaries had struck and undone the work of a so-called interior decorator.

Like many who have fought the establishment, the revolutionaries left their mark. Zorro had the Z. The anarchist in V for Vendettahad the V. The Blue Chair Gang left the upside down 4. Due to potential copyright infringement and further displays of the symbol, I will not reproduce the upside down 4. Just know that it is blue and looks like a stick figure chair.

This representation is as close to the symbol as I am willing to get.

Now that the revolution has begun, I am wondering what will happen next. Will there be a movement for more vending machines? Will there be demands for motion sensor lights that don’t go out during tests? Will people strap themselves to the frisbee golf baskets to protest the need for more holes?

Only time will tell, but one thing is certain. The blue chairs are back.

The Blue Chair Revolution

29 Aug

Several months ago, I wrote a post about the blue chairs outside of my office, and their popularity as a hangout spot. Last week, I returned to work to find the blue chairs missing, and I thought, “Uh oh, this is not good.” I discussed the issue with one of my history faculty cohorts, and he expressed the fear that I was imagining – the history students are going to revolt.

BRING BACK THE CHAIRS! BRING BACK THE CHAIRS!

The blue chairs were the foundation of the history department. This is where students studied. This is where students slept. This is where students formulated plans to get through their classes.

We knew that the students would be upset by the redecoration of their area, and it did not take long for them to voice their opposition. On the first day of school, I was bombarded with:

“Where are the chairs?”

“What happened to the chairs?”

“I hate these new chairs. You can’t sleep in them.”

“What’s up with this table? Do they expect us to put books on it?”

I am not certain, but I believe planning has begun to get the chairs back. They have been discovered in their new location, and I expect to see them in their rightful place any morning. No person pretending to be an interior decorator can mess with students of history.

VIVA LA BLUE CHAIRS!!!

Immortalized

23 Jul

It seems that I have been surrounded by immortals lately. Not real immortals, but the ones found in the pages of books. I just finished Blood Line by James Rollins, a book about a secret cabal performing experiments on humans to find a DNA secret to immortality. Currently, I am reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot. This is the true story of cancer cells taken from a woman and how they have continued to thrive since the 1950s. The cells have been used to further numerous scientific advancements.

Obviously, the books are different. One fiction. One non-fiction. However, the both center around something that humanity has often dreamed about – immortality. The scientists goal in the Rollins book may seem fantastical, but scientists in the Skloot book were looking at prolonging life as well.

Through this reading, I have been reminded about a conversation I had with some students. We were hiking through New Mexico when I asked what superpower they would pick if they could. I chose invisibility. One chose the ability to fly like Superman. However, another chose immortality. My first thought was how cool that would be, but then I started thinking about the problems.

1. When you get that power, you had better have a non-aging policy.

2. What happens when the Earth is destroyed? I suppose by that time people will be traveling to other planets.

3. How do you handle the death of loved ones over and over and over?

This brings to mind one of my favorite movies, Highlander – the story of Connor MacLeod, an immortal who must fight other immortals until only one is left. What’s the prize for the winner? He has immortality taken away. There is even a great song by Queen called “Who Wants to Live Forever“. And, what does that song say?

Who wants to live forever when love must die?

People have always been fascinated by immortality. After all, that is what religion is about. The Greeks and Romans worshipped immortals. Modern religions look for life after death. However, religion is not the only place immortality resides. Vampires have become a major theme in popular culture, and they hang around until somebody sticks a stake in them. Even zombies offer a glimpse at immortality, or an undead version of it.

So, why has humanity always had immortality on the brain? There’s probably more than one answer. First, people don’t want to stop being. No one wants to die even though it’s going to happen to everyone. It’s like a horror movie. YOU WILL NOT GET OUT ALIVE!!!

Second, we don’t want to miss anything. At least, this is what I think about. What will the world be like after we are gone? I call it “future history”. We have this urge to know what’s going to happen. What will the world be like in 2100? Will it be like The Jetson’s or like The Planet of the Apes? And, I use those examples for a reason. We like futuristic movies because it gives us a glimpse of what things might be like after we are gone. Some, like Star Trek, are about a hopeful future. Others, like Blade Runner, are about a desolate future. It doesn’t matter which because we just need to know what’s going to happen.

I feel bad for what people have missed. My grandfather was a huge fan of the University of Tennessee, and he passed away on a Saturday morning in 1995. That night his team, led by Peyton Manning, beat Alabama 41-14. I kept thinking how I wished he could have seen that. The next few seasons were great ones for Tennessee, and they eventually won the national championship in 1998. All I could think of was that he was missing it. I wish he could have seen it, and I wish I could see all of the games of the future.

But, those wishes are impossible because immortality is impossible. And, if it was possible would we really want it? I don’t know, but I do know that there is an old saying – Be careful what you wish for because it may come true.

Blankety Blank

21 Jul

My mind is blank, and I can’t think of anything to write about. I have tried every prompt that comes to mind – checked my documents; clicked through Inspiro; surfed the television guide; et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. All of that, and my mind is blank.

Let’s see, I woke up this morning and looked at Twitter. As you probably know, it was filled with news of the shootings in Aurora, Colorado. I don’t know what to say about that, and whatever I write has probably already been written. Somehow, I feel that the more it and other tragedies are tweeted and televised – the more unreal they become. We read and watch with fascination more than horror. Perhaps, we have become too accustomed to such events, or we have become a “reality show” culture and watch true events the same way.

I didn’t turn on the news. Instead, I watched the Tour de France. Does that make me cold and uncaring? I’m not sure, but I really didn’t want to watch carnage.

After watching some cycling, I took a shower and logged into WordPress. I saw some interesting posts by the people who I follow and read a few. Soon, it was time to head for lunch.

I eat lunch every Friday with my dad, brother and some of our friends. Lunch is always in the backroom of Gondola Restaurant. As a result, we have come to be known as the Gondola Mafia. We talk about local issues, politics, economy, sports. It seems that we cover the same topics every week. In fact, I have been counting how many times I hear the same stories and complaints.

When lunch was over, I returned home and read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, a great book that I started yesterday. I should be finished soon and will post about it. It is an amazing story that has impacted everyone reading these words.

I read while I waited for the delivery of a piece of furniture. I needed a new bedside table and got one earlier in the week. The store said it would be between 3:00 and 5:00. I was prepared to wait until 6:00, but they hit the middle at 4:00.

Eventually, I turned on the news and caught up on the events in Colorado. It is a tragedy, and I wish the information providers would show respect and let the police do their jobs instead of trying to be the first to know everything. On top of that, I am probably too cynical, but I am not comfortable watching the two guys running from president falling all over themselves in an attempt to show the country who could be the most sympathetic.

So, that was the extent of my day. Maybe, my mind is blank because I killed too many brain cells with a day full of blankness.

Conversations at a Funeral

13 Jul

This week, we buried the father of my good friend. His death was expected, but that did not lessen the grief of the family and friends. The visitation and funeral were held in what I believe is our town’s best funeral home, housed in a stately manor that was the home of the Confederate Governor of Tennessee. He never took office because Union troops took Nashville rather quickly.

I have always found the actions of people at visitations and funerals interesting. I tend to sit back, observe and eavesdrop on conversations; and, in the process, I discover something interesting. There will almost always be an old lady who says, “It’s an awful good turnout.” It’s like she is talking about the crowd at  a ballgame or something.

Since I brought up sports, I should mention that it is the main topic of conversation among the men at a visitation. What’s going to happen this season? Are you going to watch the game tonight? There is also talk of work and travel. A constant line is “I haven’t seen you in forever.” On and on, the conversations go, but there is one topic that is hardly mentioned – DEATH.

The funeral service even stays away from death. The preachers talk about “the next life” and “everlasting life”. There is talk of this not being the end but rather the beginning. I realize this is done to comfort everyone. People at visitations avoid the topic of death because they are facing it at that very moment. Family and friends don’t want to hear about the ending of a loved one’s life, so people talk about the opposite.

Heck, I did it myself. My friend and I talked about funny stories from our past. The best one I had actually forgotten. In high school, we played a lot of backyard football and basketball at his house. Just picture a bunch of nerdy, non-athletic kids pretending like they could do something without falling all over themselves. His driveway was concrete, and that is where we were playing basketball.

One of us nerdy, non-athletic kids (not me) wanted to be like Mike and threw a behind-the-back pass. Unfortunately, the kid he was throwing it to had never heard of a behind-the-back pass and caught the ball with the bridge of his nose. The same bridge that supported his glasses. As you can imagine, glass, metal and blood went everywhere. As we stood in stunned silence, the bloody kid bent over and kept saying over and over, “I’m going to bleed on your driveway! I’m going to bleed on your driveway!”

There was another story from when were in college. My friend and I were picking up some girls to take to a party, and they answered the door wearing nothing but towels. However, I won’t bore you with the details.

Aimless Wanderings of the Mind

9 Jul

Yesterday, some friends invited me to spend the night on a houseboat. Figuring that there would be a lot of late night commotion on the boat, I took my iPod in case I needed some solitude for sleep. As it turned out, everyone conked out fast from a day filled with activity, but I plugged the iPod into my ears anyway. The Guns n’ Roses version of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” came on and the following took place in my mind.

I immediately thought of the original Bob Dylan version as it played over the death scene of Slim Pickens in Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, one of my favorite westerns.

From there, I thought about one of the times I saw Bob Dylan in concert. He and Willie Nelson had a tour where they played in minor league baseball stadiums. As I watched them from the infield, I kept wondering what the backstage party must have been like.

Then, I started thinking about a local legend involving Willie Nelson. Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge is a famous honky-tonk in Nashville where singers and players would congregate between sets of the Grand Ole Opry.

It seems that one night Willie was in Tootsie’s drowning his sorrows at the bar. He wasn’t making it in Nashville, and, in a moment of depression, he walked outside and sprawled in the middle of Broadway. His intent was to be run over by a car. Fortunately, they got him out of the street; he went to Texas; grew out his hair; and became a legend.

When this entered my mind, I started thinking about the time I saw Willie with Ray Price and Merle Haggard. Price’s biggest hit was “For the Good Times“, which happened to be written by Kris Kristofferson, the one who played Billy the Kid in Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.

The other person on the bill, Merle Haggard, is one of my all-time favorites. He performed a song in a movie I recently watched, and I started thinking about a song that appeared in a John Wayne movie called Chisum, an inaccurate retelling of the story of Billy the Kid.

As you can see, Billy the Kid and a bunch of connections to his pop cultural self kept entering my mind. That’s when I started thinking about the last time I visited his grave.At least, that’s his headstone. Some people claim that Billy the Kid got away and lived to be an old man. That’s doubtful. Without a doubt, a flood swept through the cemetery and washed away all of the markers. It may have even carried off a few bodies. So, Billy is probably not anywhere near this piece of rock. However, I started thinking, “What if they had buried him above ground like they do in New Orleans?”

Obviously, this started me down another tread of thought. Earlier this year, we took some students on a field trip to the French Quarter (I know. Cool teacher.), and we toured the City of the Dead, one of their above ground cemeteries. One of the most interesting graves was that of Marie Laveau, voodoo queen of New Orleans.

The grave has offerings left behind by people searching for a blessing. I thought about that, but I also thought about a song by Redbone called “The Witch Queen of New Orleans“.

New Orleans. It’s a cool city, and a lot of movies have been made there. They started running through my mind, but one that I saw the other day stuck out. It was Live and Let Die, the James Bond film that has the scene with an agent watching a funeral parade in the French Quarter. When he asks whose funeral it, he is stabbed and placed in the coffin. That’s when the parade really cranks up. Then, the theme song by Paul McCartney and Wings entered my brain.

That’s when it hit me. Holy crap. “Live and Let Die” was another movie song that was covered by Guns n’ Roses.

By this time, my mind was mush, and I mercifully faded out.

The Fifth of July

5 Jul

For the Fourth of July, I spent time with some friends who invited me to their pool party and cookout. It was nice of them to ask, and I enjoyed myself very much. The day was spent swimming and hanging out by the pool. People talked, laughed and drank beer while kids ran all over the place. What could be more American than that?

Once dusk began to set in, we went to the park for a cookout and to watch the city’s fireworks show. We had the usual fare – hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, baked beans, and any other cookout food you might think of. Some of us guys played Cornhole, which is a terrible name for a game, until we realized that a few of the players should turn professional. How would you like to be that? A professional cornholer.

People started to pour into the park and soon the fireworks show began. Everyone looked into the sky and pretended like they had never seen a fireworks show before. Through the ooh’s and aah’s, I began to think what it must have been like for Francis Scott Key to see real bombs bursting in air at Fort McHenry. I suppose that is the historian coming out in me.

As I thought about Francis, something else entered my mind. Through the entire day’s activities, not one person mentioned what the celebration was about. They talked about having a day off and going back to work tomorrow. They talked about the upcoming football season. They also talked about how hot it has been lately. But, no one talked about it being the anniversary of our nation’s independence. Not even me, the American historian. It seems that the Fourth of July was no different from the Fifth of July.

I have been thinking about this ever since I left the gathering. Have we forgotten what the holiday is all about? Do we care? Have we gotten so comfortable with our freedoms that we take them for granted? On top of that, do we really understand our nation? Do we recognize its good qualities and its bad ones? Honestly, I am not sure.

We have a Pledge of Allegiance, but I made a pledge to myself. I will re-energize myself and make sure that I teach American history to the best of my ability. Sometimes, I get into the day-to-day grind and forget that my job is to prevent the past, with all of its complexities, from being lost. I will not forget again.

There is no way to project the whole of the United States in one photograph, but I want to end this post with, in my opinion, the most “American” photograph in my computer.

That is Keel Drug Store in the small town of Ballinger, Texas. For many years, it was owned and operated by Gene Keel, the father of my late uncle Johnny Keel. I can’t think of anything more American than a small business in a small town with a flag flying out front. Rest in Peace, Johnny. We all miss you.

History in the Buff

15 Jun

I started teaching history a little over ten years ago and have found out something in the intervening years. People want to talk to me about history. In and of itself, that is not a bad thing. It thrills me that people like history and want to discuss it, and I am happy to have a job that people find interesting. After all, I can’t imagine a plumber constantly being asked about fitting pipes or an accountant being asked about ledgers.

However, there is another side to the “let’s talk about history” coin, and I know it before it actually happens. It always begins with a question:

“You are a history buff aren’t you?”

Well, I’m not really a history buff. I am more like a historian, someone who makes their living studying history and providing that information to others. That question always leads to the next one:

“Can you tell me the real story about (fill in the blank)?

When this question comes out of their mouth, I know that I am in a real bind. You see, they don’t want to hear what I think or know. They want me to reinforce what they think they know. Invariably, I have to ask myself a few more questions:

“Do I tell them what the latest research says?” Or,:

“Do I let them continue to think what they want because I am not going to change their mind anyway?”

They are the true history buffs, and they can fall into several categories.

Civil War Buffs – In these parts, this is the worst bunch to deal with. They can be the Sons of Confederate Veterans, the Daughters of the Confederacy, or just someone who is obsessed with the Civil War. I can promise you that they know more about the actual “war” than I do. They know regiments, weapons, troop movements, generals, the names of the horses of generals, and a lot more minute information. There is no way I can talk to them about that stuff. Fortunately, or unfortunately, that is not what they ask about. The question is always:

“What was the Civil War really about?”

This is a no win situation. They have convinced themselves that it is about state rights, and have conveniently left out the part about states having the right to keep slavery legal. It was also about the need to spread slavery into the western territories. In short, it was all about slavery, but I can talk until I am blue in the face and they will not have their minds changed.

A few years ago, a member of the local chapter of the Sons of Confederate Veterans offered our department a sizable donation if we taught the Civil War the “right” way. We turned it down.

Old West Buffs – This category covers several groups: people who like westerns; people who compete in rodeos; people who live in the West; people who wear cowboy hats and cowboy boots. It goes on and on. However, I will use a conversation I had with a Montana rancher to illustrate my point.

Through the years, the rancher has bought cattle from my dad and invited us to see his place. It was a cool experience, but I knew I was in trouble when he found out that I was a historian of the West. I tried to stick with the fun stuff, but he asked:

“What do you think about the way things went with the Indians? Look at them. They don’t work, and they stay drunk. Useless.”

Now, how am I suppose to answer that? I am sitting at a table full of Montana ranchers who make their living off of land that Native Americans were run off from. For all I knew, their ancestors could have fought each other. Was I supposed to say that Native Americans got the biggest screwing ever? Was I supposed to say that they would be drunk too if someone took everything away from them?

I played politician and stayed away from a straight answer. After all, these are people who still believe in the myth of Custer’s Last Stand.

People who play cowboy in the east are almost as bad. They want to hear about the lone cowboy riding across the prairie and living a lifestyle of freedom. They don’t want to hear that it was a job for people who couldn’t anything else. They definitely don’t want to hear that a great many were minorities. And, they would flip upon hearing that cowboys on the trail sometimes found sexual comfort with each other.

Instead, I tell them that it is hard to be a real cowboy without any cows.

Antique Buffs – A lot of people, including old ladies, love to collect antiques. That’s great for them and the pieces they collect. It allows them to hold on to a physical piece of nostalgia, and it protects objects that would otherwise be lost. However, that doesn’t mean I am interested in their collection of dishes.

When an antique person (in interest, not age) finds out my job, they immediately start in with:

“Oh, I should show you my collection. I’m sure you would find it interesting.”

Actually, I wouldn’t.

Old House Buffs – This group is closely related to the prior group. In fact, I could have put them together. These are people who either live in an old home or are involved in the protection of an old home. Now, this is a noble cause because older homes should be protected. I wouldn’t live in one, but I am glad other people do. However, just because a home is old does not mean that it is historic.

Last year, I spoke at a meeting of a group that protects an old home in Nashville. They were nice people who listened intently, but when I was finished they just wanted to talk about how important this place was. Others showed off the work they had been doing on the old places they lived in. I am not an expert on historic preservation and could not do anything except show feigned interest. However, I know that just because a place is old does not mean it is important.

Local History Buffs – These are great people who work in archives and libraries and provide a wealth of information for researchers. However, they tend to place more importance on their local history than is realistic. Not every town has an interesting story to tell or has enough interest to attract tourists. A lot of place have that, but most do not. I am happy that it interests you, but it does not interest me (unless they had a local whorehouse).

For example, my town has pumped up a Civil War battle that was not much bigger than a bar brawl. A sign has been installed to commemorate the event, but the Sons of Confederate Veterans got mad because the map was wrong. Apparently, it had the bar on the wrong side of the square.

Now that I have ranted about people interested in history, I will finish by saying that it is better than the opposite – people who know absolutely nothing. Several years ago, I had the following conversation with a local official. It took place during a meeting about drawing tourism into our community. She began with:

“I don’t see how we can draw people here. We don’t have any history.”

“What do you mean we don’t have any history? We have a university that was founded in 1842 and educated a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. We have the homes of three governors. We have a home that Paul McCartney used to live in. We are the home of Cracker Barrel. We have all kinds of things.”

“Well, we don’t have a presidential home like Nashville does.”

“There have only been 40-something presidents. No many counties have one of those. You go with what you have.”

“Well, I say we don’t have anything.”

With that in mind, if you fit in one of the categories that I bitched about above. I will give you this. At least you have something.

No Idea Whatsoever

4 Jun

I have no idea what to blog about this evening. Nothing funny has happened over the weekend. I have no profound thoughts to expound to the world. There is not a list that I find fascinating enough to create. It seems that I have come to a stumbling block in my blogging path. I have noticed while perusing WordPress that a lot of people write about absolutely nothing, but I determined a long time ago that I would not resort to that. I want this space to have meaning, or at least have meaning to me.

However, here I sit writing about absolutely nothing, and I am not happy about it. So, here are a few things.

I just watched the season finale of Game of Thrones. It was pretty awesome, In fact, I liked it better than last week’s episode that everyone said was the episode-to-end-all-episodes. Now, I am watching Devil in a Blue Dress, a Denzel Washington movie from 1995 that has a great soundtrack. A few of the cuts from the album are:

“West Side Baby” by T-Bone Walker

“Good Rockin’ Tonight” by Wynonie Harris

“Chica Boo” by Lloyd Glenn

You may recognize “Good Rockin’ Tonight” because it was covered by Elvis. No last name needed. Wouldn’t it be cool to be famous enough to be known by one name? Elvis. Madonna. Fabio. You can’t put a price on that kind of fame. I saw on a site dedicated to blog tips that a picture should always be included. It makes the page look better and breaks up the reading. I will type in one-named celebrities and see what comes up.

Now, there is a real threesome. Takes me back to the glory days of the 80s, the days of parachute pants and my Camaro Z-28. Man, those were the days. I would cruise the Main and make my turns at Kroger and Sonic. Speaking of Sonic, I wrote a post about that place a long time ago, and I still haven’t gotten a good answer to my question.

There are other questions that I would like to know the answer to. For instance,

What was in the case in Ronin?

What was in the case in Pulp Fiction?

You know what? I know what was in them. They were filled with McGuffin’s, something used to drive a plot. That shouldn’t be confused with McGuffey’s Readers, books used for almost 100 years to teach kids how to read. The stories usually had a Biblical theme which kind of blew the old separation of church and state thing out the window.

Speaking of windows, I believe that I am reaching my window of opportunity to end this rambling post about nothing. If you made it this far, then I congratulate you. Next time, I will write a post about something.