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Lessons From Snowmageddon

22 Jan

We are currently experiencing our worst snowstorm in 13 years. I realize that it pales in comparison to the experiences of our northern neighbors, but it is a big deal for a place that is not prepared for the worst snowstorm in 13 years.image-5

During this time of being cooped up in the house, I have learned a few things. Here is a list.

Some people actually like this stuff.

Everything is closed. Schools. Businesses. Government offices. The list goes on and on. However, our local Chamber of Commerce decided to continue with their scheduled meeting. This freaked out my wife because she is on the Chamber board and was afraid she was going to miss something. They ended up getting her on a conference call because they were one short of a quorum. What did I learn from that? Half of the folks at our Chamber of Commerce are willing to put their lives on the line to support local businesses.

By the way, whenever I hear the words Chamber of Commerce, I think of The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, a movie that stars Don Knotts. There is a guard at the Chamber of Commerce picnic. If you are not C. of C., then you do not get in. Atta boy, Luther.

If Leonardo DiCaprio wins an Oscar for trouncing through the snow and not saying anything in The Revenant, then I should win an Oscar for trouncing through the snow and not saying anything while taking out the trash.

It pays to have a gas fireplace, but it does not pay to stub your toe on said fireplace. I think I am going to have to stick my foot in the snow to numb it.

Friends stole the body of Gram Parsons from the airport and tried to cremate it in Joshua Tree National Park. I learned this from my wife, who is working on an article about Nudie. If you do not know about Nudie, then you need to look him up.

Hanging around the house all day leads one to eat a lot. I need to get on the treadmill, but I have to wait until my foot stops hurting.

There are different Rummy rules for different people.

If you think you have Man of Steel, then you had better make sure before the worst snowstorm in 13 years. That will be the time that you want to watch and discover that you do not have it.

Anyway, that is what I have learned during our worst snowstorm in 13 years. In a few hours, I will not be able to learn anything because I will have lost my mind from cabin fever.

 

 

 

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A Walk in the Park?

5 Jan

Over the weekend, I went to the cemetery to honor friends and family who are buried there. It is an old cemetery with markers dated in the early 1800s. There are obelisks, angels and other intricate designs on the various stones. Being an old cemetery, it is fronted by a stone wall with narrow openings in which to drive. Once inside, you must drive down narrow lanes with markers near the edge.Cedar Grove

When I squeezed through my chosen entrance, I saw something along the path that I did not expect. In the distance, a man and woman stood in the lane. They were in an emotional embraced, and I imagined them mourning a lost loved one. Out of respect, I turned onto another route to my destination.

When my time in the cemetery was done, I noticed that the man and woman were not standing in the lane. Instead, they were under a nearby tree. With that being the case, I drove by them to take a more direct route out of the cemetery.

As I drove by the man and woman, he watched as I passed. Looking back, it was probably because I was staring at them. It turns out that they were not mourning a lost loved one. They were holding hands and making out. What I thought was a somber visit to the cemetery was actually a romantic stroll through the park.

As soon as I got home, I told my wife about it, and she reminded me that our local area of prostitution is within walking distance of the cemetery. However, I do not think this was a professional encounter. First, they looked to be starry-eyed. Second, I cannot imagine the woman being able to make much money in that line of work. Third, there was no car for him to have picked her up in.

I believe that they went for a lover’s walk through the cemetery with its tree-shaded meadows. Heck, some of the grass even have benches that they could have sat on. I only have one question. Who gets romantic in a cemetery?

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Christmas Ramblings

23 Dec

My wife and stepdaughter just finished wrapping gifts. My job was picking up the scraps. Now, they are in the kitchen making banana bread. Yep, Christmas is upon us. It is time for family gatherings and reflection. For me, it is a time for rambling ruminations.

The other day, my nephew and I went to the movies, which meant that we had to enter the danger zone of a shopping mall at Christmas. As I made my way through traffic, I thought about the wise men who followed the star to that manger in Bethlehem. They had gold, frankincense and myrrh for the baby Jesus. I have often thought about that journey and its impact upon the world.wise men

Those wise men did more for our economy than they could ever imagine. Their bearing of gifts led to the shopping mania that accompanies this season. In other words, they created the traffic that bogged us down as we slowly made our way to the theater.

By the way, nowhere does it say how many magi journeyed to Bethlehem. It is the number of gifts that lead people to believe that there was the same number of gift givers. However, there is one thing for sure. The wise men were fireman. We know this because they came from afar.

Anyway, we saw In the Heart of the Sea, the new movie from Ron Howard. I was totally stoked for this one because I have my classes read the book. It is the tale of a whaling ship that was attacked by a whale. The men had to survive while floating in whaleboats. It is dramatic story of what people will do in order to survive. Unfortunately, the movie folks did not think it was dramatic enough.

I will not give up any spoilers, but the filmmakers added unnecessary embellishments to the story. The did it to create conflict between characters. Apparently, the conflict with the whale and the elements was not enough.

I understand that not all of history fits well on the screen. However, this story was an exception. The extras were not needed. Heck, they did not even talk about what happened after the survivors returned. Instead of talking about the true struggles of the survivors, they tried too hard to attach the story to Moby Dick.

Since I am on a movie rant, I will go ahead and talk about The Revenant. It is the story of Hugh Glass, the mountain man who was attacked by a bear and left to die by his fellow trappers. He did not die and pursued them to get revenge. It is another dramatic story. Once again, the filmmakers felt that being left for dead was not dramatic enough. They added the murder of his son, an event that is totally made up.

Oh yeah, Alejandro G. Inarritu, the director of The Revenant, stated that it is not a Western. He said that it cannot be a Western because there are no cowboy hats. Obviously, he is trying to distance himself from the genre, but he is wrong in his statement. The age of the cowboy lasted about twenty years in the American West. The age of the mountain men also lasted about twenty years. That means that a mountain man movie is just as much of a Western as a cowboy movie.

Oscar or no Oscar, I am beginning to think that Alejandro is all hat and no cattle.

I apologize for allowing the movies to get me off topic. This post was supposed to be a rumination of the holiday season.

The shopping malls are bad, and, at times, I wish the wise men had not been bearing gifts. However, Christmas is always a special time. Families gather. People talk and laugh. Great food is eaten. In the middle of all that, we remember that Christmas is a special time of year that cannot be ruined by traffic or bad movies. It is a time of love and peace.

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Thoughts on a Funeral Procession

20 Dec

This afternoon, I was driving down the road when I saw blue lights up ahead. It was not a wreck. It was not a roadblock. It was a funeral procession. Like all of the other drivers, I came to a stop as a show of respect for the deceased and their family. While sitting still, a few thoughts crossed through my mind.

I wondered if stopping for a funeral procession is a southern tradition or if it happens in other parts of the country. Hopefully, some of you can answer that question. I just know that it is something people around here do automatically. In fact, I do not think highly of a person when I see them keep driving along.

I also thought about the job of law enforcement during a procession. Obviously, one leads the way. However, others block intersections and make sure no one pulls out in front of the oncoming cars.

Years ago, I was in a funeral procession, and we went through a four-way stop that did not have a police presence. A woman pulled out in front of us with her horn blowing. When she got in front of us, she flipped us off. Apparently, she had gotten mad at all of the people who were running the stop sign in front of her and decided to do something about it.

In recent years, there has become confusion about when the procession has completely passed. In the old days, drivers turned on their headlights as a sign of being part of the group. Now, the headlights of cars are on all the time. Which headlights are part of the procession and which ones are not? Having a squad car at the back might fix this problem.

After all of that, I thought about Sheriff Buford T. Justice. In Smokey and the Bandit, Jackie Gleason is chasing Burt Reynolds and gets caught up in a funeral procession. Like all good southerners, he stops out of respect. He does not know that the funeral director has slowed down the procession to help the Bandit.Buford

With hat in hand, Sheriff Justice proclaims, “If they’d a cremated the sum-bitch I could be kickin’ that Mr. Bandit’s ass around the moon by now.”

Burt Reynolds made another movie that ended with a funeral procession. In White Lightning, he played Gator McKlusky, a convict who goes undercover to expose a crooked sheriff. Of course, Burt wins and walks off as the hearse carrying the sheriff’s body goes by. Also, “Way Down Under” is playing over the entire affair.

Anyway, I go back to my original question. Do people in other parts of the country stop for funeral processions? If so, then what do you think about as you are sitting there?

The End

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A Stand Up Guy

8 Nov

I attend quite a few college football games. The competition. The pageantry. The connection with other fans. I like it all. However, I have never understood the Stand Up Guy, that one person who insists upon standing while everyone around him is sitting.Stand Up

Yesterday, a Stand Up Guy was sitting, uh, standing a few feet to my right. At times, he would sit, but he always found an excuse to stand up. He stood up to text and stayed in that position for several plays after texting. He stood up to put on a sweatshirt and took the opportunity to stand for a while. Other times, he just stood up for the heck of it.

This made me wonder what goes through the mind of a Stand Up Guy. Does he think his team can feel his standing energy? Does he think he can yell louder while standing? Does he think the three extra feet of elevation give him a better view? Does he think the person behind him paid money for a ticket to have a good view of his ass? Does he think his ass looks that great? Does he think he can force the entire section to stand up and provide more standing energy for his team?

I do not mind standing up at a game. I have attended games where the entire crowd stood the entire time. There are also important times of the game when everyone should stand. However, standing for the sake of standing is ridiculous. It is also selfish. I would say that the Stand Up Guy is oblivious of his surroundings, but I am certain that he knows exactly what he is doing.

He is showing people that he is a “true fan” because he is doing everything possible to support his team. However, I have noticed something about the Stand Up Guy. I only see him at a few games. The fans who are sitting around him are there every time the team takes the field. Perhaps, the “true fans” are the ones sitting around and wondering what the Stand Up Guy thinks he is doing.

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The Faded Dreams of Kit Carson and Cactus Slim

23 Oct

My wife and I just returned from a trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico, and it was fun to experience with her the things I usually experience with students. It was also fun to visit Santa Fe in a more relaxing way. We hit a bunch of the cool spots that I have written about before.

Acoma Pueblo

Tent Rocks

The Santa Fe Plaza

We also ate at some fantastic restaurants.

Maria’s

Horseman’s Haven

Santa Fe Bite

Along the way, we found time to go to an awesome movie theater, and my wife spent some time in the spa at our hotel, the Inn at Loretto. We also visited a former member of the Shadow Horse Gang.

Oh yeah, we also bought a piece of Native American art that dates back a couple of thousand years.

It was a great trip, and I am glad that my wife and I spent some time in one of my favorite places. Two people driving around in a regular vehicle allowed us to do some things that are not possible with a bunch of students in a 15 passenger van, and a couple of those things led me to some deep thinking.

On Saturday, we made our way to Madrid, an abandoned mining town that became home to some people who wanted to get away from the bonds of society. I have been there many times, but this time was different in one respect. We got to sit and have a beer. While drinking that beer, we listened to a band called Cactus Slim and the Goat Heads.image-3

As we listened, I realized that the band was made up of locals who had, as I wrote earlier, made their way to Madrid to find freedom from the stresses of our world. One table was filled with other locals who had done the same thing.

The table in front of us was filled with people who looked for freedom in another way. There were two couples who had ridden their motorcycles to town. Madrid has become a destination for those weekend riders who want to spend Saturdays and Sundays on the roads with the wind in their hair. After all, helmets are not required in New Mexico.

Listening to the music and watching the people made me think about the larger city down the road. Santa Fe has also become a place where people want to be free to pursue their dreams without society getting in the way. Artists come from all around to be inspired by the environment and make a living off of that inspiration.

On Monday, we went to Taos and explored the town. The stop that I had to make was at Kit Carson’s home. He is one of the great characters of the American West, and I wanted to walk in his footsteps. Before going into the house, we watched a movie about him, and one scene struck me to the core.

The narrator said that Carson went into the West to escape American civilization and society. However, the trails he blazed would be used by others to bring that civilization and society into the West. In essence, he could not escape the bounds of his world because he brought them with him.

That made me think of Cactus Slim and the citizens of Madrid. Like Carson, they moved there to be free of society and the stresses that go with it, but that same society followed them there. My wife and I brought it with us. The man in the blazer who my wife thought was Robert Redford’s brother brought it with him. The bikers at the next table brought it with them.

Madrid is no longer an escape from the outside world. It is an attraction to the outside world.

The same can be said of Santa Fe. It was a place for artists to live a life unnumbered. Now, it is a place of art galleries filled with expensive pieces. It is a place of nice hotels with spas and fancy restaurants. It is a place for people like us to walk around the streets and find our own sense of temporary freedom.

The dreams of Kit Carson and Cactus Slim were to escape the world. Those dreams were shattered by the fact that it is an impossible feat. No matter where they go the rest of us are going to follow.

There is one other sad part of those broken dreams. The people who went into the corners of the West to left one society and ran into another. Madrid, Taos and Santa Fe sit on land that was once the domain of Native Americans. Now, those Native Americans are on reservations and come to those towns to sell their wares.

The dreamers looked for freedom by taking that freedom from the people who were already there. Then, the freedom they thought they had achieved turned out to be temporary.

Kit Carson and Cactus Slim come from different times, but their dreams turned out the same.

 

 

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Long Pants and Socks

9 Oct

WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME PEOPLE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

A few weeks ago, my nephew and I were at a football game when he asked a simple question.

Why are you wearing sandals?

Unfortunately, that simple question did not have a simple answer. If I could boil the answer down to one sentence, then I would say, “Because I like socks.”

Allow me to explain.

I know that my wife would like for me to wear loafers with shorts. However, I cannot bring myself to do it because of something that happened in my childhood. My dad had a friend who wore loafers with shorts, and I thought it was the strangest looking thing I had ever seen. It got more strange when he took them off. His feet were swollen, blistered and caked with dead skin. In my mind, I knew what was up. If he had been wearing socks, then his feet would not be destroyed.

Shoes that encompass feet are meant to be worn with socks. If that was not the case, then socks would have not been invented. I like to wear socks with shoes. I also like to wear socks around the house. Rarely do I go around barefoot. Do you know why? Because that is how feet end up swollen, blistered and caked with dead skin.

When we were dating, my wife really wanted me to wear loafers with shorts. She thinks it looks good. I do not agree, but I was willing to give it a try. Coincidentally, that same night we had the biggest fight ever. I acted like a fool, and I am certain that the shoes played a huge role. I did not like the look, and I definitely did not like the fact that my feet were swollen, blistered and caked with dead skin.

I understand that a lot of guys like the look and the feel of wearing loafers without socks. There are a ton of guys I know who do it all of the time. I just do not know why.

The other day, we were tailgating at a Tennessee Titans game, and one of the tailgaters was wearing sneakers with socks. Before going into the stadium, he took them off and slipped on loafers. One word entered my mind.

Why?

His situation brings me to another point. For a while, I tried to get by with wearing some high dollar running shoes with shorts. They are super comfortable, and I wore socks that did not go above the shoe line. In my mind, this was a good compromise. However, the next time we went shopping my wife pointed out a pair of sandals. It turns out that they are a better compromise, and that is why I was wearing them to the football game. They encompass my feet, but the airiness makes the socklessness bearable.

All of that is well and good, but this post is about more than socks. The entire issue about the shoes is created by the issue of wearing shorts. That is why people can see if there are socks or no socks.

When it comes to shorts, I must make a confession. I like wearing long pants a lot better. This probably comes from the fact that my dad – the man I respect and admire more than any other – has never worn shorts. At least, if he has, then I have never seen it. For years, his comfort clothes of choice were khaki pants and Hushpuppy shoes – with socks. That probably shaped my opinion that men should wear long pants. As a result, I wore long pants, and they became my most comfortable clothes. While most people put on shorts or pajamas to lie around the house, I wear jeans…and socks.

When I talk to my wife about the uncomfortable aspects of wearing shoes without socks, she counters with the argument that women have to wear uncomfortable shoes. In other words, we all have to sacrifice.

I agree and have an idea of how men can sacrifice just like women have to sacrifice.

Instead of going around without socks and wearing shorts, men should dress more manly by wearing long pants and shoes with socks.

Wyatt Earp never wore loafers and shorts.Wyatt

George Patton never wore loafers and shorts.Patton

Genghis Khan never wore loafers and shorts.Khan

The list goes on and on.

Anyway, the issue is solved. Women have to sacrifice for fashion, and men should do the same by wearing long pants and socks. The fact that those things are more comfortable for me has no bearing on the situation.

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Bad Moon Rising

29 Sep

Last night, we went outside and looked at the eclipse of the Supermoon. It was cloudy, but, in my mind, it made the event more cool. As the clouds floated by, we could see the eclipse behind them. The special effects people on a scary movie could not have done a better job.

As we looked into the night sky, the words of Creedence Clearwater Revival entered my mind.

I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin’.
I see bad times today.

It is a great song, and the words were fitting. However, some people took those words to heart and believed that the eclipsed Supermoon heralded the End Times. I have been reading about these people and wanted to tell them that their idea could not be true. As I wrote in an earlier post, the Second Coming has already occurred. I was there when it happened.

As this day progressed, I began to think that their beliefs may have some merits. Seriously, think about some of the strange things that have gone on.

Facebook went offline, and the lives of many people were altered forever. I read about it on Twitter, which did not have any Apocalyptic problems.

NASA announced that there is water on Mars. That means the Martians that seeded our planet may still be around. If they are still around, then they may show up and punish us for bad behavior.

The night before the eclipse of the Supermoon, Mick Jagger performed on a Nashville stage with Taylor Swift.Mick Taylor

That may have been the true sign of the End Times. At least, it was the final death knell for Rock and Roll. If that is the case, then there is no reason for humanity go survive.

It is enough to make someone crawl into a bunker filled with canned goods and a ham radio. I only hope that the radio picks up real music from Creedence Clearwater Revival and Mick Jagger in the days before he was Taylor Swift’s BFF.

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Garage Sale People and the Rules They Should Live By

28 Sep

This weekend, we had a garage sale. Actually, my wife had a garage sale. I just took the stuff to the garage and stood around while she used her salesperson charms. That means she had to deal with those known as Garage Sale People – the ones who scour newspapers for sales that might have a hidden treasure.Garage Sale

Some Garage Sale People like to show up early. When they read that a sale starts at 7 a.m., then they show up at 6:30 a.m. After all, you have to arrive first to get the best stuff. On Friday morning, I went outside to put my stepdaughter’s lunchbox in the car and found people roaming around the driveway.  During our conversation, I learned that they thought about knocking on the door but decided against it. If they found something before we came out, then they were going to leave money on the table. However, that brings me to a trait of most Garage Sale People.

I took my stepdaughter to school, and my wife came out to help them. Whenever they picked something up, they asked her if she would less for it. She politely said, “No, ma’am.” In reality, she should have said, “I put $2 on it because I wanted $2. If I wanted $1, then I would have priced it at $1. By the way, we paid $30 for it, and it has hardly been used. If you feel the need to haggle over a dollar, then watch me throw it in the trash. I would rather throw it away than sell it to someone too cheap to hand over $2.”

Garage Sale People see a garage sale as a challenge where bargaining is the rule of the day. That is too much like a car lot. We did not drag this stuff out of the house to play a game of wits. Everything should be straightforward. $2 means $2. If you do not want to pay it, then put it down.

Other Garage Sale People are busy and cannot make it during the prescribed time. Our sale ended at noon. My wife put the stuff in the garage; closed the garage doors; and took a nap on the couch. She was tired because of the Garage Sale People who showed up early. Anyway, someone knocked on the door at 1 p.m. and asked if the garage sale was still going on.

My wife explained that it was over, but they asked if they could see what was left. She took them to the garage, and they looked around. Of course, late arriving Garage Sale People like to skim the items before leaving without buying anything. They would probably haggle, but, in their eyes, the good stuff is gone. Those are the same eyes they could have used to see that the garage sale is over, which means the good stuff is most assuredly gone.

I write all of that to write that Garage Sale People are usually rude. They are so blinded by the prospect of getting something for nothing that they lose sight of proper behavior. With that being said, here are some garage sale rules that I think should be followed.

  1. Arrive at the sale during the scheduled time of the sale. If the stuff is there 30 minutes before it starts, then it will be there at the starting time. On the other hand, the stuff will not be there an hour after it is over.
  2. Pay the price. If someone does not want to pay $2 for something, then they do not really want it.

There you go. Two simple rules for Garage Sale People to ignore.

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Melancholy Serenade

26 Sep

Yesterday, a feeling of melancholy washed over me. I was sitting in a chair and watching the rain through the window.

The rain could have been the reason. The garage sale could also had been the reason. I have always had a hard time getting rid of stuff. I can remember thinking as a kid that when I threw away the bubblegum wrapper I would never see it again. Yep, I was a strange child and am probably a strange adult. When the sale was over, I walked into the closed garage and looked at the remaining items. It was quiet, and I was alone. That was when the wave hit me, and my staring at the rain was the result.

While watching the rain, I knew that a blog post had entered my brain. However, the title hit stronger than the content. From somewhere in the back of my mind, the words “Melancholy Serenade” shot to the front. Usually, titles come to me while writing the post. Something in the text will lead me to it. This was completely different, and I knew that these words came from something that I had read or heard. It was something that I knew but forgot that I knew.

To figure it out, I went to Google. What did we do before Google? I guess we had to go to the library and look up stuff. Anyway, there it was. “Melancholy Serenade” was the theme song for The Jackie Gleason Show.Gleason

I have read about Gleason’s life and career, and I guess that something about those words stuck. Of course, I may have realized that those words matched well, and I could not have been creative enough to think up a title like that on my own.

Oh yeah, there is also “Melancholy Serenade” by Tchaikovsky. However, he was nowhere near the music man who Jackie Gleason was.

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