Game Night

12 Nov

I just spent a fun evening with my girlfriend and her daughter. They invited me to their house to eat homemade chili and have a “game night”. They supplied the food, because I’m not good when it comes to food, and I supplied the games. Most of the games at my house are of the adult variety, so I bought a few today. The selection included Trouble (always a favorite), Guesstures (which I had never played before), Pictionary (which I have played a few times), and Disney Trivial Pursuit (one that I already had because an ex-girlfriend could never beat me at the regular one).

I have never been married and do not have kids, and that led my girlfriend to worry about how this would go. Before I met her daughter, she kept talking about how they would stress me out and run me off. I tried to explain to her that I get along with kids very well. Heck, I’m a big kid myself. I thought it best not to tell her that I have dated people with kids before, and those kids all loved me. I was afraid that it would make her worry more. After all, those kids became close to me, and I am no longer in their lives.

It is probably hard to understand, but I feel that I have had several “families” in my life. I have gotten close to several kids but their moms and I ended up breaking up. I miss them all even though I don’t miss their moms that much. Is that what divorce is like? I’m sure it’s not. In fact, the pain I have felt when I realize I will never see someone again makes me realize that people being separated from their children must be unbearable.

This is a rambling post and completely got off track from where I was headed. Several of my posts have had dark or sarcastic tones, and I meant for this one to be fun and positive. Must be the mood I am in a the moment.

At any rate, game night was fun, and I hope that we have more in the future.

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iAddiction

10 Nov

I used to have a cell phone. You remember those things don’t you? I could make and answer calls. I could also text if I had a quick message for someone. I used that cell phone while people around me began to gobble up iPhones. My ex-girlfriend changed her service from Verizon to AT+T because the latter was going to get the iPhone first. As I watched her use it constantly, she kept saying that I should get one. I would love it. That’s exactly why I didn’t get one.

The iPhone is not a cell phone. It is the technological form of crack, meth and any other addictive substance you can think of. My ex stayed on hers constantly and so did her kids. I reckon that they continue to play with them at all times. A few days ago, as I was teaching, I looked over to see one of my students playing with her iPhone. Now, you have to understand that this pisses off teachers more than anything. On the first day of class, I established the rule that iPhones were not to be touched while class is in session. I even explained how I could see them trying to hide the thing in their laps while they fiddled with it. I’m not sure why their hands are under the table and moving around their crotch, but it’s something they should not be doing in class. Despite that, this student has her iPhone ON THE TABLE while sitting ON THE FRONT ROW. After yelling during class, I met with her after class and explained that this is probably the reason she has failed it twice before.

What can explain the behavior of my ex, her kids and the student other than iAddiction?

You can see it yourself. Look around a restaurant and see how many people have their face shining from the glow of the iPhone. Check out the people relaxing with their iPhone at Starbucks. Ride down the interstate and see how many people are looking at the iPhone instead of the road. Watch the news and notice how many Occupy protestors have iPhones. They are protesting the unfairness of our economic system while playing with an expensive technological innovation. How about paying your debts instead of buying an iAnything? Perhaps, then you would not need other people to pay your debts for you.

I did not get an iPhone because I knew that I would get addicted too. Just like everyone else. Then, I went to Santa Fe, and my cell phone crashed. I headed to the Verizon store and said that I wanted the phone closest to the one that crashed. However, the salesman was crafty. Just like a dealer on the corner, he could make me a deal on addiction. You know, sell it cheap, and the addict will come back for more. I had to have a phone and gave in to the pitch.

I am an iPhone-aholic.

Just as I feared, I can’t put it down.  I am constantly adding apps and messing with the phone day and night. I go to sleep using it and grab it as soon as I wake up. I use it riding in the car. I use it while talking to people. I use it while watching (hold on, while listening to) tv. It’s hard to watch tv and look at the iPhone at the same time. Naturally, I call and text, but that’s not what an iPhone is for. It’s for us to buy apps and feed our addiction.

So, what am I addicted to?

1. Slingo Supreme – a game that combines slot machines and bingo. My high score is 984,323,800. Has to be close to a record, right? Wrong. The top high score is 94,154,960,842. That’s not the national debt. That is somebody’s addiction.

2. Yahtzee Adventures – four variations of the classic game. My favorite is Duplicate, but I play them all over and over. When I reach 1,000 games I look at my winning %. I can’t stop until I hit 70%.

3. Moxie – the original version. It throws up letter tiles, and you rack up points by making words. Just don’t Twaddle.

4, Soundhound – an app that listens to songs and tells you the title and artist. It’s designed to pick up songs in restaurants or on commercials. I use it on my iPod to see if it can find obscure songs that I already have. Sick isn’t it?

5. Post Secret – people publish their deepest, darkest secrets anonymously. They are cool to read and cool to post. It’s amazing what secrets lie in my little town.

Those are my top five, but there are numerous others. Some were downloaded for information. Others were downloaded because they look cool on my iPhone. Whatever the case, I can’t get away from them.

A lot of people have iPhones,  and a lot of people are addicted. Steve Jobs passed away recently and has been hailed for his contributions to the world, his iStuff. I disagree. Like a good pusher, he got us addicted, and his company continues to produce better iThings for us to buy and get addicted to. Addicts can’t get high on the same thing forever. They have to keep using stronger stuff to get that kick. Apple is more than happy to supply them.

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What is the Last Song You Would Want to Hear?

8 Nov

I was driving down the interstate as my girlfriend scanned through radio stations. She loves country music, and I tolerate it. I have often theorized that my distaste for country music comes from growing up near the capital of the genre. Whatever the case, I needed to break the scanning pattern, so I asked, “What is your all time favorite song?” She really couldn’t say and asked me the same question. Typically, I couldn’t say either. However, it reminded me of something I did in high school. I would think to myself, “Self, if you were dying what’s the last song you would want to hear?” Morbid I guess, but sometimes teenagers have morbid thoughts. I can’t remember what songs I chose then, but I have some ideas of what I would choose now. In no particular order they are:

1. “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” by Bob Dylan – First, it’s a great song. Second, it plays over one of the great dying scenes in cinema history. In “Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid”, Slim Pickens has been gut shot. As he holds his stomach, he and his wife, played by Katy Jurado, look into each other’s eyes for the last time. She is crying, and he is in shock. This is one of my favorite movies because Sam Peckinpah, the director, shows the destruction of the frontier by killing western character actors throughout the film.

2. “Hotel California” by The Eagles – In junior high, I had one of those tapes that showed devil worshipping in popular music. Sometimes it played songs backwards to show secret messages. “Hotel California” was played forwards because it was obviously the work of Satan.  I was fascinated and fell in love with the song. It was later that I realized the devil worshipping claim was a result of religious ignorance. Despite my disappointment that the devil was not at the hotel, I can still see the story in my mind when it plays.

3. “Across 110th Street” by Bobby Womack – This soul classic comes from the era of Blaxploitation films. The movies are great, but the music is better. I have always loved 70s soul, and this is one of the best. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong place, wrong time and wrong skin color. Maybe I will be reincarnated as a 70s pimp.

4. “A Whiter Shade of Pale” by Procol Harem – This is another song that I can envision in my mind as it plays. I can’t describe it. I can only quote it.

She said there is no reason.

And the truth is plain to see

That I wandered through my playing cards,

And would not let her be

One of sixteen vestal virgins

Who were leaving for the coast.

And although my eyes were open,

They might just as well been closed.

How psychedelic is that?

5. “More Than a Feeling” by Boston – This is a story of lost love and the memories that follow. It brings to the surface the great regrets of my life. I, like numerous others, have decisions that I wish I could change. It doesn’t necessarily involve a lost love. It could be anything. This song brings about those thoughts and feelings.

6. “In My Life” by Jose Feliciano – I know. This is a Beatles song, and everybody thinks they are the best thing since sliced bread. I don’t care. Jose Feliciano did it better. His voice and singing style brings the belief that it is coming from his soul. In fact, I like just about everything he’s ever done.

7. “Early Morning Rain” by Elvis Presley – Written by Gordon Lightfoot, this is one of Elvis’ least known songs. It was featured on the “Aloha from Hawaii” broadcast and has been lost in the rest of that performance. I have been fascinated by Elvis since my parents took me to a concert. I was only 7 and only remember pieces. However, we had front row seats and still recall his presence. I’ve been to Graceland numerous times and read the two-part biography by Peter Guralnick. There has to be an Elvis tune on this list, and I choose this one.

8. “Way Down Under” from the “White Lightning” soundtrack – Burt Reynolds was in his prime as a B-movie southern redneck, and his career declined when he began making more “refined” movies. This movie is one of his best, but it’s the song that struck me the most. Played over the funeral procession of the sheriff, the lyrics are great.

At the backdoor of Hell

Is an old rusty bell.

And it rings with the sound of thunder.

Way down under.

9. “Numb/Encore” by Linkin Park and Jay-Z – The only thing I can say is that this is one of the coolest songs ever. The mixture of artists makes an already great song even better. If you are going to go out, then you might as well go out in style.

So, there is my list in November 2011. It has to be completely different from my 80s list and is probably different from my future list.

I realize that very few people have read this blog so far. But, if you read this post and find it interesting, then I would be interested in seeing your list.

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Big Orange Apathy

7 Nov

I did not attend the University of Tennessee football game this week. That probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to “normal” people, but in my world it is huge. My dad started taking me to games when I was six. In the years since I have been to hundreds of games in thirteen different states. There have been heart-breaking losses and heart-pounding wins; disappointing seasons and surprisingly successful ones. Many games have been forgotten and a lot became lasting memories. Through it all, I was there. In short, I have been a die-hard fan. But, this weekend I didn’t go. After watching this squad disintegrate into the worst Tennessee team in my memory, I couldn’t sit through it anymore. When that happens to fans like me, my dad and my friends, then the University of Tennessee has a problem. Apathy, a killer for a football program, has set in.

All fans have an opinion as to how we got to this point. You can read them on message boards and hear them on radio call-in shows. This is my opinion.

On January 4, 1999, the Volunteers won the national championship in a tough victory over Florida State. A successful coach, Phillip Fulmer, reached the pinnacle of his profession and brought glory to his alma mater. At that point his record was 66 wins and 11 losses. We all thought that a dynasty was in the making a more championships would come. We were wrong. The signs of problems were there, but everyone was too jubilant to see them.

1. Fulmer was 53-11 with Heath Shuler and Peyton Manning, both of which finished second in the Heisman race, as his quarterbacks. Those types of players make coaches look good and do not come around very often.

2. Coaching in the Southeastern Conference was at a low. Steve Spurrier of Florida was the only other coach of any prestige. Fulmer was 2-5 against Florida during this time.

In summary, Fulmer had superior talent against inferior coaching. When he was evenly matched the record dropped.

Still, the first year after Manning Fulmer led the Vols to a victory over Florida and a national championship. That can’t be taken away from him. It was an amazing achievement that brought joy and pride to Volunteer fans everywhere. However, the dynasty never came. In fact, the next year Fulmer took the same players and lost 3 games.

In 1999 and 2000, the years immediately following the national championship, Tennessee went 17-7 with blowout losses in two bowl games.

In 2001, the team rebounded with a record of 11-2, a great season that also brought great disappointment. Tennessee went into the SEC Championship game with an opportunity to return to the national championship game. A victory would bring more glory. Then, they lost to LSU, an underdog playing a backup quarterback. Many see this as the beginning of the slide, but I think it started sooner. The LSU game was simply a missed opportunity along the way. However, the 2001 season also marked the end to an invisible era. Peyton Manning’s UT career ended in 2007, but his impact ended in 2001. These were the last players recruited while Manning was on campus, and talent would slowly weaken as the era passed.

From 2002 to 2008 Fulmer won 57 and lost 32. His supporters will say that he went to two conference championship games and had three 10 win seasons. I say he backed into the championship games as a decided underdog and lost to Vanderbilt. Also, the years he won 10 games, Fulmer lost 3, 3, and 4. Then, there were the two losing seasons.

Many say that the second losing season should be blamed on Mike Hamilton, the Athletic Director, for firing Fulmer in mid-season. I agree that it was Hamilton’s fault but for a different reason. He should have fired Fulmer after he lost to Vandy in 2005. Then, we probably would not have had a losing season in 2008. Anyone who watched the games could tell that the program was in a slow decline. Fulmer had gained success and wealth and was caving in to human nature. Success brought laziness, and his record proves it. Great players made him a great coach. As the talent declined, Fulmer’s coaching ability was exposed.

Firing Phillip Fulmer was the right decision. Hiring Lane Kiffin was the right decision as well. He was a great recruiter and could coach. He took an Alabama team to the wire when his team had no business being that close. Most people disagree because he left after a year. But, I bought in to Kiffin and believe that he will be a success. Unfortunately, here is where the bad decisions began to manifest.

1. When Kiffin said he was leaving for USC, Hamilton did not make a counter offer. It may not have worked, but the attempt should have been made.

2. Hamilton panicked and followed a terrible plan. He should have named an interim coach and searched the nation with an attractive financial offer. Instead, he tried to attract candidates with a weak package and settled for Derek Dooley, head coach at Louisiana Tech.

Dooley found a program in turmoil. One coach had been fired and another left. On top of that, talent was down from years of poor assessment by Fulmer. As a result, Dooley’s record is 10-12 at this point. This includes blowout losses and no victories over rivals. The program has hit bottom under his regime.

So, what does all that mean? It means Fulmer was never a great coach but a benefactor of great recruiting. He topped out and figured his job was done. Fulmer cashed a check for a decade while living off a national championship season. As his supporters crowed about his success, that very success was slowly slipping away. When the athletic director finally got the guts to fire him the fan base was split. He made a good hire but did not try to stop it from backfiring. Then, the AD panicked and hired a coach without the ability to pull the program back.

What’s the solution? Dave Hart, the new AD, should cut his losses. Fire Dooley and put together a financial package that will attract a winning coach. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and an apathetic fan base demands it.

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This is a Test. This is Only a Test

4 Nov

Test days! The bane of students. That is what my classes have been experiencing for the past two days.

When I started teaching I thought that test days would be like mini vacations. No lecture to prepare. Get to work a few minutes before class. Hang out in the classroom and make sure no one is cheating. How wrong was I? Tests are as hard on the teacher as they are on the students.

1. We have to make out the tests. Now, teachers can adopt different strategies in this area. We can make multiple choice tests which are a pain in the ass. It requires some heavy thinking to come up with wrong answers that sound right. Of course, there are tests banks, but they only work if you follow the textbook. And textbooks are written by imbeciles.

Another option is making essay tests. Easy is an understatement. Just throw out some questions about broad topics and go with it.

Then, there is a third option. Mix it up. Create a test that uses both.

2. We have to grade the tests. This is the Bizarro World of test making. Everything is completely opposite. Multiple choice tests are easy to grade. Just fly through and check the letters.

Essay test are terrible to grade. You have to make a rubric, a device that outlines what you are looking for in each answer to ensure that everyone is graded equally. Then, you actually have to read the answers. This takes time when someone has good handwriting. It takes forever when someone can’t write. It always amazes me that people who make it all the way to college can’t write. Bad spelling. Bad grammar. No sentence structure (I know. This blog is guilty of the same things, but, hey, I’m not being graded).

Then, we have the mixed up test. Divide the work on the front-end and back-end.

This diatribe means that I was wrong about test days being a vacation. It may look easy from the peanut gallery, but it is hard work behind the scenes. No matter when the work comes it is always there. In fact, I think it is easier on the students. I know all of the answers. How hard can that be? To look at their faces it must be pretty stressful. It is strange to see how they react.

1. There is the “I don’t give a shit” student. This is the one who walks in without a pen and without any idea that a test is even going on. They ask, “What’s going on?” When they get the answer they shrug their shoulders and answer away. I promise that it pisses teachers off when they make a good grade.

2. Also, we have the “Can do no wrong” student. This is the one that has never made below an A. EVER. They analyze their notes. Ask question after question about details that don’t really matter. There is no doubt that they have written down everything I have said and have it memorized. Unfortunately, that learning style leads to quickly forgetting the material once the test is finished. We teachers would like for students to remember a few things.

3. The “Older and going back to school” student really freaks out. These people are super obsessive and can take a couple of paths. A few succeed in class and wear the teacher out to make sure they are being successful enough. Most crack under the pressure they place on themselves and mysteriously disappear.

4. The “Teachers really like you” students. These students have balance in their lives. They study but not too much. They take part in college fun but know when to buckle down. They learn without memorizing.

A lot of people think college is about learning a subject. That’s not true. College is about learning life. Learning how to work and live with other people. Learning how to organize time. Learning how to take on adult responsibilities.

I am still trying to figure out how to make a test for that.

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Vacation for the Mind

3 Nov

Today, I took a “vacation for the mind”, but most people call it therapy. I started going to therapy with my girlfriend at the beginning of the year. We had been going through some rough times and thought couples therapy might help. Through the months I have learned a lot.

1. I’ve learned that I have spent most of my life suppressing my true self.

2. I’ve learned that therapy will lead you down unexpected paths.

I went into the sessions trying to fix problems in a relationship and ended up stopping the relationship altogether. I know my girlfriend was shocked. She kept telling me to be brave and live life the way I want instead of living the way other people expect me to. She didn’t realize that breaking up with her was what I really wanted to do, and I needed to get up the courage to tell her.

Suddenly, couples therapy turned into individual therapy and figuring out how to live a healthy life. The therapist has tried different strategies to help me understand what a healthy life really is. I thought I had one but understand now that I didn’t. Today, she had me list ten places that I would live if I decided to move. In no particular order they were:

1. Santa Fe, New Mexico (It is one of my all-time favorite places. Great food. Art galleries. Eclectic culture. And I am a historian of the American West. Lots of interesting history out there.)

2. Asheville, North Carolina (Another one of my favorite places. Its culture and artistic community is similar to Santa Fe, but the landscape is completely different. Mountains and forests dominate the area. It is also home to the Biltmore Estate, a fascinating historic site. One of the great spa resorts, The Grove Park Inn, is also there.)

3. Tucson, Arizona (Interesting city with a great deal of history. It is also near Tombstone, the town too tough to die.)

4. Pueblo, Colorado (I spent a day in Pueblo last summer. It had a very interesting downtown with a river walk and an impressive library. It is also home of the PBR. That is not Pabst Blue Ribbon. It’s the Professional Bull Riders Tour.)

5. Flagstaff, Arizona (This is a cool town, but I like it because it’s near Sedona, a resort community filled with spiritualism and mysticism.)

6. Charleston, South Carolina (I have never been there, but it seems like a great place to be.)

7. Haleiwa, Hawaii (Several years ago I rented a beach house in this small community. It is located on the north shore of Oahu and is an escape from the world. I imagined that its residents wanted to live in an out-of-the-way place and landed here.)

8. Deadwood, South Dakota (Everything about Deadwood is cool. The Franklin Hotel is great. The saloons and casinos are great. It sits close to Mount Rushmore in the Black Hills. However, its history is the coolest thing. This is where Wild Bill Hickok was shot while playing poker. He was holding Ace’s and 8’s, forever known as the Dead Man’s Hand. He is buried next to Calamity Jane.)

9. Las Vegas, Nevada (Enough said.)

10. Austin, Texas (A great town filled with music, food, culture and everything else you can think of.)

So, there are my ten fantasy homes. Will I live in any of them? I doubt it. They are great places to visit, but I like where I live. A lot of people believe that personal issues can be solved with a geographical cure. My ex-girlfriend believes it, and, I think my therapist does too. However, a wise man (me) once said. “No matter where you go you are always there.” My ex always said that was dumb, but it makes sense to me. We can’t move away from our problems. We take them with us. Because of that, we have to face them and solve them the best way we can.

That is what I have learned in therapy.

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The Problem With Gas Pumps

2 Nov

Gasoline fills our tanks and our conversations these days. People talk about the high price of fuel; the effects of the internal combustion engine on the environment; and, our dependence on the Middle East for our supply. Obviously, these are pressing concerns that everyone should worry about. However, when I pull into a filling station something else concerns me. Gas pumps think humans are stupid.Think about the tank-filling process.

1. The screen provides the following instructions – “CREDIT – INSERT CARD” or “DEBIT – PUSH DEBIT”.

Sounds simple enough. I pull out my credit card and insert it. I am ready to pump gas but wait…

2. The pump asks me a question – “CREDIT OR DEBIT”?

Obviously, the pump thinks I am an imbecile. I followed the instructions and inserted the credit card. Are we really as dumb as the gas pump thinks? Do people not follow the instructions? Apparently, that is the case. If people followed instructions, then there should be no follow-up question.

This leads me into another subject. People are mad because the big banks wanted to charge $5 a month for debit card use. Why do people use debit cards anyway? Whatever happened to cold, hard cash? My dad taught me that I should always carry cash in case of an emergency, and I have never heard of any bank charging a fee to use it. Instead of getting mad at the banks, put cash in your pocket. There are no fees; it’s easy to get to; and, you can watch the money leave your hand as you spend it. I am convinced that cards, either debit or credit, lead people to spend more. That’s the real trick of the financial system. But back to the pumps…

3. After pushing “CREDIT”, the pump tests my intelligence again. It flashes “CAR WASH? -YES”. Conveniently, “OR NO” flashes up separately.

This is obviously an attempt by the convenience store to trick me into spending more money. A friend of mine owns a convenience store and explained to me that gasoline does not have a high profit margin. It is used as bait to get us into the store to buy soft drinks, junk food and other high markup items. However, pay-at-the-pump means that many people do not go into the store. How do they make up for the loss? They depend on us being in a hurry and automatically pushing “YES” for a car wash.

I am convinced that the gas pumps, or the people who program them, think we are stupid.

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Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself

1 Nov

That’s the perfect way to start a song (Sympathy for the Devil for the imbeciles out there), therefore it is the perfect way to start a blog.

In the summer of 1998, I was standing on a bridge in Little Rock, Arkansas with my assistant coach. The heat bore down as we watched the sewage flow through the ditch beneath our feet. Our struggling team was taking batting practice as we attempted to make out a decent line-up. It was a miserable day in the middle of a miserable season, and suddenly it hit me. As I watched the crap flow by I said, “We are surrounded by imbeciles and wallowing in mediocrity.” Hence, the name of the blog.

Life has changed dramatically in the 13 years since that “profound” statement. I stopped coaching at the end of that season and pursued a graduate degree. For the past decade, I have taught history at a small, private university in Tennessee. This blog will be a synopsis my life in academia and whatever else I can think of. It’s funny though. Things change but also stay the same. At times, I still feel that I am “surrounded by imbeciles”. Of course, history proves that they have always been around.

By the way, (for the imbeciles out there) the heading photo is not of scenery in Tennessee. That is Monument Valley, which sits in the Navajo Nation in the American southwest. It is my favorite picture of my favorite place. In the future, I may tell you why.

Happy Blog Browsing!

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