Tag Archives: Comedy

Categorically

30 Jul

We just finished walking around the neighborhood. As we did, I noticed a man through a window. He was working at his desk, and I began to wonder what he was working on. Was he writing the next great novel? Was he writing a letter? Was he blogging? At the moment, I am sitting by a window, and people are probably looking in and wondering what I am doing.

I like to think that people like what they read here. It’s a hodgepodge of stuff, but it comes right out of my head. Sometimes, It’s travel. Sometimes, it’s music. Sometimes, its stories from the past. All the time, it’s something that is stuck in my mind and needs to get out.

I am not sure what needs to get out tonight, so I will just go down the list of categories on this blog and type this first thing that fits.Scattergories

Academics – School starts back soon. That means inservice.

Agriculture – The other day, I got gas at the Farmer’s Co-Op.

Art – There is a guy named Art who works at Beauty Boutique, Necole’s store.

Biography – The last one I read wasn’t very good, It was about Ward Bond, John Ford and John Wayne. It should have been good.

Books – I just finished The Eye of God by James Rollins. It is the further adventures of Grayson Pierce.

Childhood Memories – Tonight, I mentioned that my parents had a Weeping Willow in their front yard, and I used to play under it.

Comedy – Nothing is funny, at the moment.

Community – I was named to the local Planning Commission. This afternoon was my first meeting.

Crime – Tonight, I found out that a guy I once knew tried to kidnap his wife and lock her in a closet. Hopefully, he will get what’s coming to him.

Did You Know? – I forgot about this category. It needs to be revisited.

Dining – Tonight, we had a home cooked meal of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and green peas.

Dreams – Lately, my dreams have been less than memorable.

Government – Necole went to the DMV this morning. There is no reason they should be that slow.

History – I am getting my lecture voice warmed up.

Movies – We watched Batman Begins, and I realized that the guy who plays Joffrey on Game of Thrones was in it.

Music – We have a couple of concerts coming up – Don Williams and The Eagles.

Nature – There’s a great article about sugar in the latest National Geographic. Everyone should read it.

Photography – In a few days, we are getting more wedding photos made.

Rambling Ruminations – I think that is what this post is all about.

Relationships – I’m married.

Religion – I would like to write about it more, but a few things are better left unsaid.

Sports – College football is about to start, and my team, the University of Tennessee, is in the Southeastern Conference. However, you’ll never hear me chant S-E-C. I cheer for one team and hope the other ones lose every week.

Stupid Stuff – It’s an accurate description of this post.

Television – I’m waiting for Justified to crank back up.

Therapy – I used to go. I don’t anymore.

Travel – We just returned from California and will be heading to Arizona soon.

Writing – Am I the only person who doesn’t mess with those writing prompts?

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Laughing Stock

8 Jun

This post was going to be about the utter awfulness of “After Earth”, Will Smith’s latest attempt to make his son a movie star. However, it is a beautiful Saturday that does not need to be weighed down by negativity. It needs to be reinforced with positive energy and thought. With that in mind, this post is a list of some of the stuff that always make me laugh.

Foghorn LeghornFoghorn Leghorn

Barney FifeBarney Fife

“Porky’s”Porky's

Jerry ClowerJerry Clower

TedTed

Buford T. JusticeBuford T. Justice

George CarlinGeorge Carlin

Karl PilkingtonKarl Pilkington

“Will and Grace”Will and Grace

“Most Extreme Elimination Challenge”MXC

Ron WhiteRon White

“Are You Being Served?”Are You Being Served

“Family Guy”Family Guy

Blue Man GroupBlue Man Group

The Harlem GlobetrottersHarlem Globetrotters

What makes you laugh?

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My iPod Has Issues – The Name Game

16 Jul

It’s been a while since I delved into the psyche of my iPod. For those who don’t know, my iPod has no direction and is misunderstood by a lot of people. It is filled with music from different genres and time periods. It has been told that it contains nothing less than 20 years old. I’m not sure that is true, but it definitely has an old soul. Most people who listen to my iPod have a difficult time understanding how such a collection could have come together in the first place.

This blog is littered with posts about my iPod, and you can psychoanalyze it yourself here, here, and here. In these couch sessions, I simply hit shuffle and list the songs that pop up. Indeed, it is a wide variety, but I still can’t see why people say “can we please listen to something else?” when my iPod is trying to entertain them.

In this post, I am looking at my iPod from an altered perspective by focusing on one of its playlists. This one is called “What’s In a Name?” and contains selections that have the names of people in their titles. Clever, huh? So, a dosey-doe and here we go.

1. “All About Clovis Ledbetter” by Jerry Clower

2. “Rocky’s Reward” by Bill Conti

3. “Rhiannon” by Stevie Nicks

4. “Sheena is a Punk Rocker” by The Ramones

5. “Ziggy Stardust” by David Bowie

6. “William, It Was Really Nothing” by The Smiths

7. “Jack & Coke” by Lynda Kay

8. “Truck Turner” by Isaac Hayes

9. “Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John

10. “Sonny Got Caught in the Moonlight” by Robbie Robertson

11. “Jack & Diana” by John Mellencamp

12. “Willie, Waylon and Me” by David Allan Coe

13. “Marriage of Dale and Ming” by Queen

14. “Death of Floyd Collins” by John Prine and Mac Wiseman

15. “Jolene” by Dolly Parton

16. “Father Ramirez” by Ennio Morricone

17. “Ruby Tuesday” by The Rolling Stones

18. “The Legend of Bonnie and Clyde” by Merle Haggard

19. “Caroline No” by The Beach Boys

20. “The Ballad of Jed Clampett” by Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs & The Foggy Mountain Boys

I really don’t think my iPod is all that strange.

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Deadaroo

18 Jun

Last weekend, my state hosted Bonnaro, the music festival that has become a destination for those looking for a good time and good music. They have a wide variety of acts, and I have often said that I would like to go if I could fly in on a helicopter for a few hours. Listening to music would be awesome, but I am too well into my years to be hanging out in a field without a hot shower.

After reading a lot of blogs and tweets about Bonaroo, I began to think about what performers I would like to see at a festival. Then, I took it a little further. What performers have I never seen live but would like to see? Then, with an idea string going, I began to think about the performers I would like to see live but never will because they are, well, not live. They are dead.

After coming up with a list of dead performers that I wished I had seen, I came up with my own music festival fantasy -Deadaroo. These are not zombie versions of famous people. This is a collection of people in their primes. This is a music festival of some of my favorites at the top of their game.

The following is a list of acts; the stage where they will perform; and, the thing I would most want to see them do (with links).

Appearing on the “Knockin’ ‘Em Dead” Comedy Stage:

Jerry Clower, the Mouth of the South, telling his greatest stories, including A Coon Huntin’ Story.

Rodney Dangerfield with his self-deprecating routine and trademark line, “I get no respect.”

Jackie Gleason, famous for television and movies, was also great at stand up comedy and was known for the signature line,”How sweet it is.” The video is from The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast (begin watching at 5:03).

The Rat Pack, consisting of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., and others, brings their Vegas act to the stage.

Scheduled for the “Dead Zone” Music Stage:

Big Joe Turner, early R&B and Rock and Roll pioneer, performing his hits, including “Shake, Rattle and Roll“.

Jim Croce, folk singer extraordinaire, singing “I Got a Name” and the rest of his classics.

Waylon Jennings, one of the original Outlaws of country music, with a passel of hits including “Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys“.

Johnny Cash – the Man in Black, the legend, and someone I actually met – singing songs that span decades but ending with one of the early ones, “Folsom Prison Blues“.

Sam Cooke, paragon of R&B and Soul, bringing his best and “Bring It On Home to Me“.

As the finale, THE country legend known to many as Luke the Drifter, Hank Williams singing “Hey Good Lookin’” and many more classic songs.

At “Rock in Pieces”, the main stage, Deadaroo brings you:

Isaac Hayes, Black Moses of 70s Soul, with his Academy Award winning theme, “Shaft“.

James Brown, the Hardest Working Man in Show Business, performs all of his hits, including “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag“.

Stevie Ray Vaughan, one of the greatest bluesmen ever, breaks out his guitar and plays “Mary Had a Little Lamb“.

The Reggae man himself, Bob Marley, straight from Jamaica with songs such as “No Woman No Cry“.

Ray Charles, genius and master of all musical genres, performs songs known to all and promises to stoke the crowd with “What’d I Say“.

Who could top those legends? Who is worthy to close the show of such greatness? Jimi Hendrix, the greatest guitar player of them all, as he electrifies Deadaroo with “Purple Haze” and other songs of psychedelic form.

That’s Deadaroo. The End

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Looks Like I’m the Imbecile

22 Feb

The following actually happened last night.

My girlfriend and I had plans to see Ron White, the comedian, tape a television special honoring the troops. Before that, we dropped off her daughter with her dad and stopped by Longhorn Steakhouse for a quick meal. We sat at the bar to insure quick service that we never got. By the time we got the bill, I was itching to get on the road. I hate…Let me make this plain. I hate being late to anything. So, when the bartender returned the check I signed it, and we headed out.

The drive to the show was pleasant, and we arrived to find a full parking lot. People were walking everywhere. That’s when my girlfriend asked why so many people were walking in one direction. Uh, to see the Ron White show. She thought it was the other direction. We parked and walked to the door when I pulled out my wallet to get the tickets. That’s when I discovered that my credit card was still at Longhorn. I always watch out for leaving it behind and have never done that before. Stupid. Stupid. I called the restaurant, and the manager said she locked it away and not to worry. I was worried. I wanted to go get it right then. My girlfriend said that was a dumb idea. So, we stayed, and I didn’t find any of the six comics a bit funny.

After the show, we came home, and I attempted to sleep. But, everything would be ok. I would go to class then head to the restaurant and get my card. However, this morning my girlfriend got up and immediately got on Facebook. I will have to post about Facebook sometime. I know everyone is on it, but I don’t understand why. Anyway, Facebook was filled with news of the stabbing in front of Longhorn – the same Longhorn that my credit card was in. Now, it was part of a crime scene. Around lunch, I took the chance to see if they were open. A crew was cleaning blood off the sidewalk.

Not knowing how long this would last and worried about having the credit card out of my possession for days, I went to the bank and had it cancelled. Good move? I don’t know. I just know that this is a story no one would believe – especially the lady at the bank. When I said I wanted to cancel the card, she asked if it was lost. I said no. I know exactly where it is. It is sitting in a Longhorn Steakhouse that is now a locked-down crime scene. She said she had never heard such a story. I replied that neither had I.

The part that makes me mad is that none of this would be happening if I had just picked up the card and put it in my wallet. I am an imbecile. But, at least I wasn’t stabbed.

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The Andy Griffith Show

23 Nov

When I was a kid, my after school activities involved eating a snack; doing homework; and watching reruns of old television shows. The choices were plentiful as Gilligan messed things up on the island; Uncle Joe kept an eye on the Shady Rest as the girls skinny dipped in the water tank; Will and the Robot explored strange planets; and Herman and Grandpa got into trouble on Mockingbird Lane. However, those shows and characters paled in comparison to the exploits of the police force in Mayberry.

I became entranced by “The Andy Griffith Show” and watched in every time it came on the air (which was a lot). At one point, it was estimated that the show was ALWAYS on somewhere in the world. I watched it so much that I had the shows memorized and knew what the story would be within the first few frames. Eventually, I recorded the episodes on VHS tapes and cataloged them by episode number and title. By this point, you are thinking about how big of a dork I am. But wait, it gets worse.

I learned that Jim Clark and Ken Beck (who is from my hometown) started The Andy Griffith Show Rerun Watchers Club, and it eventually grew to have chapters all over the world. I joined the club and attended the cast reunions that it hosted. I met (using character names) Barney Fife, Thelma Lou, Otis Campbell, Charlene Darlin and the Darlin Boys, Malcolm Meriwether and Ernest T. Bass. The reunions became a cottage industry as hundreds of people would attend. Memorabilia was sold, and I, like others, began collecting everything about the show. The actors found second lives in their careers as the phenomenon grew. There was only one catch. Andy Griffith would not take part. He spent a great deal of his post-TAGS career bitter about being typecast as the small town sheriff. This kept him from facing the fact that the role made him who he was. It was only after finding success as Ben Matlock (which is Andy Taylor as an older lawyer) that he gave in and agreed to do a reunion movie. It sucked, but that isn’t the point. The movement of fans made the show popular again and put Mayberry back on the map.

Somewhere along the way, Ken Beck, who wrote for a Nashville newspaper, published a story about an art teacher in Maryland who built a model of Mayberry. My mom contacted Ken and eventually got in touch with the teacher. She asked if he could build another one for my birthday. He replied that we could have the original one. That is how I became the owner of the only replica of Mayberry, for which I was featured on the old Nashville Network. I was like ZZ Top. I was nationwide. At the next cast reunion, I introduced myself to Jim Clark. He said, “You’re the one with the town.” Apparently, I had made my mark in the Mayberry universe.

The reunion phase faded away in the late 1990s for a couple of reasons. One, everything runs its course. Second, the actors were getting older and not able to appear. When Don Knotts passed away the spark was gone. He was the star attraction just like he was the star of the show. Many people say the show was never the same when it went to color. Coincidentally, that coincided with his departure. However, the show did not reach Number 1 in the ratings until he left. Something to ponder for those haters of the post-Barney years (which I am).

The reunions don’t happen much anymore, and I rarely watch the show. However, I still have the town and all of the memorabilia. Also, the show finally came out on DVD with uncut episodes, and I have all of those. I can go back to Mayberry at any time.

As I think back on the days of reunions and collecting, I wonder what attracted so many people to a 1960s show and its stars. Everyone I knew thought of it as more than just another sitcom. Maybe it was a utopia that they wanted to live in but knew they never could. No matter the reason, “The Andy Griffith Show” has many adoring fans.

There will come a time when it is not remembered as much as it has been. In fact, I feel it is happening now. It will fade from memory like other shows of the 1950s and 1060s. But for those of us who attempted to enter the fictional town for just a bit, it will always be a place that we can go to in our imaginations.

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