Tag Archives: Writing

Secrets Revealed

3 Feb

Those who have read this blog from its creation know why it came into being. I created it, and, as the number of posts grew, people began to read and some began to follow. I didn’t tell anyone in my personal life about the blog, but it wasn’t like I was keeping a deep, dark secret. It just didn’t occur to me as something to share. I lived my life, and, sometimes, I would get on my computer and write.

Today, I told my girlfriend about the blog. I know. It’s terrible that I didn’t tell the person closest to me. That’s why I told her. People all over the world read my words, and I wanted her to read my words, too. After all, many of the posts have been about my adventures with her.

So, today a secret was revealed, and it made me feel kind of like this guy.

Deep Throat

Deep Throat

With that being said, I welcome my girlfriend as a new reader of Surrounded by Imbeciles. I hope you like reading it as much as I like writing it.

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The Little River Band Sang…

1 Nov

“Happy Anniversary, Baby“, and I have been thinking about that song because it has been one year since the birthing of this blog. It started with the suggestion of a therapist who I don’t see anymore and, honestly, I thought it was a dumb idea. I knew nothing about blogging and didn’t understand why anyone would want to read what I had to write. For the first month, that proved accurate as the blog got 49 hits FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH.

Several times, I thought about stopping but realized that was the point behind the therapist’s suggestion. I have had a hard time committing, and this would give me practice at continuing something. It’s a year later, and I am still continuing. That fact has amazed me along with a few other things.

I am amazed that this blog has 252 followers, and I deeply appreciate each one of you. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank all of the other readers who have stopped by along the way. I appreciate that you guys have taken the time to read my words and offer hundreds of comments. There are some great people in the blog world, and I am happy to have come into contact with a bunch of them.

I am amazed that people from 91 countries have clicked on one of my posts. ZZ Top went nationwide, and Surrounded by Imbeciles has gone worldwide.

Beard, Beard and a guy named Beard.

Wait, that last sentence brings something to mind that I would like to address, the title of the blog. Several people have told me how much they like the title, and others have told me that, with the content to the blog, I should change it. I find value in each one of those opinions.

The explanation for the title is given in the very first post. I didn’t realize that there was an About page for introductory purposes and wrote post for introductory purposes. That, along with the fact that I didn’t know what a Tag was, shows you how big of a blogging imbecile I was. Anyway, I am getting off track.

That post explains where the title comes from and explains my vision for what Surrounded by Imbeciles would be about – a sarcastic look at the human condition. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I haven’t been able to keep the sarcasm flowing. Now, I still throw sarcasm out there, but it is surrounded by all sorts of other views of the world.

In short (too late, I know), I am not surrounded by imbeciles. I am surrounded by great people with a few imbeciles thrown in. Because I actually know a few imbeciles, I am going to keep the name of the blog. Besides, it’s a brand. I don’t see Coke changing anything. Wait, they tried that once didn’t they?

Uh, ok.

I conclude this anniversary post by shamelessly linking the eight less read entries of Surrounded by Imbeciles.

THE BOTTOM TEN

Last – Never heard of Peter Burnett? Well, now you have.

Almost Last – Some important events have happened on November 25.

Nearly Last – Read ’em and weep.

Almost Last But Not Quite – Steve Jobs sold crack.

In The Last Five – The dreaded Winter Solstice.

Hey, It’s Not In The Last Five – The brain says, “Hey, give me a break.”

Not Nearly Last – What is true immortality?

A Safe Distance From Last – An ode to a cactus.

Again, thanks to everyone who has read this blog. I truly appreciate it.

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Logically, It’s for the Poet

8 Oct

When this blog began, the front page of WordPress was a listing of those blogs which had been chosen as “Freshly Pressed”. I found several blogs to follow by squeezing the melons in that section. Now, the front page of WordPress has changed to some sort of sliding pictorial format.

Example, “For the Foodie” slides into “For the Photographer”. I suppose that the slides show potential bloggers the variety of things they can write about in the WordPress world. It’s an alright front page, but there is one thing that I have a question about.

Why does “For the Poet” have a picture of Spock in a wig?

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Thank God for Gas Pumps

24 Sep

All of us bloggers like to look at our stats. At least, I assume all of us bloggers like to look at our stats. I know that I do, anyway. It’s not like I look at them all of the time. Wait, I do look at them often, but that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is to point out an anomalous point in the stats. I have pointed it out before but feel the need to point it out again.

One of my earlier posts, The Problem With Gas Pumps, completely dominates this blog. In fact, it makes up 17% of the total page views in the SBI universe and outnumbers the next 30 posts combined. Undoubtedly, some of its popularity is due to the excellent writing exemplified by the post. However, I believe most of the popularity comes from the fact that it includes this picture:

This picture drives more page views than a topless picture of a princess.

Don’t believe that gas pumps dominate? Here are the top 15 search terms for Surrounded by Imbeciles.

1. gas pumps

2. gas pump

3. gasoline pump

4. pictures of gas pumps

5. josey wales

6. gasoline pumps

7. dumas brothel

8. mount rushmore conspiracy theories

9. outlaw josey wales

10. pump gas

11. picture of gas pumps

12. the outlaw josey wales

13. images of gas pumps

14. gas pump image

15. picture of a gas pump

The only things that bust the monopoly are people looking for old prostitutes; people looking for hidden meanings in stone-faced presidents; and, people who are fans of Clint Eastwood’s best movie.

Bloggin’ ain’t much of a livin’ boy.

In honor of The Problem With Gas Pumps and to gratuitously promote other posts, I present the ten posts that are eating the most dust.

Victorian Brothelese – There are the whores that people are looking for.

Greetings and Salutations – You can always count on the About page.

Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief – My ode to lyrics that people mess up.

Movie Wisdom – Burt Reynolds Edition – Watch some Burt Reynolds movies. It will make you smarter.

A Requiem for Josey Wales – “To Hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.”

The Good, the Bad, and the Presidential – There is more bad than good in this post.

It’s a Conspiracy – If you think things aren’t as they seem, then read this post.

John Wayne and Edgar Allan Poe – What? You didn’t know poetry could be learned from a John Wayne movie?

Memories of a Day in September – My thoughts on the anniversary of 9/11.

A Totally Not Funny Account of My Trip to New Orleans – It’ll make you cry.

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Planetary Underwear, Mouse Ears and Unsolved Mysteries

7 Sep

There’s not much happening in my mind tonight, so I am going to break out the old Inspiro app to see what pops up. For those not in the know, Inspiro is designed to break writer’s block and pump out potential ideas. It produces word combinations and scenes that could inspire a story. Different sections create different things, but one thing is certain. Some weird stuff comes out of it.

The Muse

Early American prostitutes first thing in the morning– This has some real possibilities – especially for an expert in historical prostitution like me. This post is supposed to be an attempt at entertainment, but this line is thought-provoking. Prostitution was rampant in the British colonies and throughout the Revolutionary period. Heck, it has always been rampant. Morning is just as good a time to get a prostitute as any other.

This is a lot more fun than dumping tea in the water.

Handmade underwear on Uranus– Isn’t underwear designed to cover Uranus?

Put on some drawers!

Silent tubas in the 1930s– I think tubas are just as good silent as noisy. Think about marching bands. Tubas can be used as a dancing prop. They can be used to form words. In the 1930s, they could have been used as shelter by hobos.

Yes, there are such people.

Scenarios

A woodpecker involved in a love triangle with an alligator – I can hear Troy from Swamp People now. “What’s he doin’ to that peckerwood? Choot ’em! Choot ’em!”

Laugh your way out of this one, Woody.

A mouse sitting on top of your best friend– Uh, dude. There’s something on your head.

It could be worse…Actually, it couldn’t.

A prostitute sitting on top of a gangster –This has never happened. Who would even think something like this?

When I Googled “prostitute sitting on top of a gangster”, this is not the image that I expected to pop up.

The Daydream Machine

A dirty mind can be poetry– There once was a man from Nantucket…Well, you can fill in the rest of it.

I have found the church for me.

The unknowable is sometimes mystery –Sometimes but not all of the time.

The real mystery: how many times did Robert Stack have plastic surgery?

The AntiChrist looks like hot sex– This is exactly what I learned in church. No wonder I haven’t been back.

Google AntiChrist, and you will see that the AntiChrist does not look like hot sex. He looks like two people: George Bush and Barack Obama.

That’s it. I’m finished being inspired by Inspiro. Next time, I will try to write a real post.

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Out the Roof

10 Jun

This morning I woke up, stretched and grabbed my iPad to see what happened while I was out. As always, I logged into the Surrounded by Imbeciles world to see if any of the bloggers I follow posted during the evening. I read the few that had been added to the list and clicked over the Site Stats, where I got a huge surprise. While I was sleeping, the Views went out the roof.

Yesterday, this blog’s Views doubled the best day ever. I was thrilled. If I wasn’t awake before, then I was once this statistic jumped out at me. As all bloggers know, it is cool when you realize that people are actually interested in the stuff you write. I was also stunned because I couldn’t figure out what caused this sudden jump in numbers.

The post from the night before was nothing that would draw a great deal of interest, so I knew that wasn’t it. Then, I thought that it was the post about gas pumps, which I have come to call “Old Reliable”, but even that one has never made such numbers. Not being able to figure it out, I finally looked in Top Posts & Pages to see what posts had been read, and that’s when I got the real surprise.

Every post I have ever written had been read. How did that happen? I can only figure that a reader went through the blog and read all of the posts. Perhaps, they were searching for something specific. Maybe, they, like I often do, started reading and couldn’t stop. Whichever the reason, I appreciate the fact that someone took the time to read the ramblings that I have placed on this blog.

With that being said, I thank you “Mystery Reader” for taking a tour of the Surrounded by Imbeciles world. I hope you found it entertaining, informative and enjoyable. You are welcome to come back anytime. In your honor, I have included the following likeness:

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Alterations

10 Apr

As Douglas MacArthur once said, “I have returned!” Although he was returning to the Philippines during World War II, I have returned to Tennessee from an excursion into parts unknown – the same place that a lot of masked wrestlers came from.

As happens a lot when someone is gone for a length of time. I came back to some alterations – not in my real life but in my blog life (which are quickly merging).

As I flew home, I couldn’t wait to open up the Surrounded by Imbeciles portal and see what I have been missing. Imagine my surprise to see a big red/yellow/orange map on a new look Site Stats page. It is a really cool addition, and it was interesting to see not only how many people have been looking in but also where they are located when they look. All this time, I have been thinking that people in a few states have been checking out the blog. In actuality, these blogs go all over the world. Imagine that! It makes me realize how big and impactful the Internet really is. Thank you, fellow Tennessean Al Gore! I know, an old joke that I have used before.

I know you blogging folks have probably been playing around with your maps. I just got into mine and found some interesting stuff. Obviously, the United States sits at the top by a wide margin. I write about the things I know, and most of that is in the United States. It makes me wonder what someone in Gabon thinks about some of my references.

Completing the top five are Australia, Canada, Indonesia and the United Kingdom. Other ones that I find interesting are Jordan, Barbados (because it’s a great island), Turkey, the Russian Federation (I wonder if Putin feels as if he is surrounded by imbeciles.), Malta, Bangladesh and Costa Rica (because, well, I just wanted to mention Costa Rica).

Anyway, I just wanted to get back into blogging mode after some time off and thank WordPress for their cool map. I always say that people should be able to read a map. That bitchy woman who gives you directions from the dashboard just isn’t the same as Rand McNally. I only wish that they could break down the states as well. Although, they may have done that, and I just haven’t figured it out yet. At any rate, it is good to be back in the blog world.

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Charting a Mystery

16 Feb

A month ago I wrote a post about old posts that we have probably forgotten about and how they don’t disappear but hang around in cyberspace until cyberspace collapses on itself. The post about “old posts” was inspired by the second ever post I published on this site – an ode to the peculiarities of gas pumps. It had never gotten any hits, then, all of a sudden, a person took a look at it. Needless to say, I was thrilled that some of the things I had written while wandering in this newfound wilderness of blogging had been read. I went back to look at it again. I wrote a new post about the experience. Then, I went on my merry blogging way.

Then, something strange happened. It got another hit. And another one. And another one. On and on it went for days. Each time I looked at the “Site Stats” another search engine term was popping up.

gas pumps

gasoline pump

pushing credit or debit at a gasoline pump

gasoline pump pictures

pictures of gasoline pumps

In a matter of weeks, a post that laid dormant forever and had been given up as unreadable and forgotten had just gone to the top of the Hit Parade. Once lagging behind at a total of ZERO hits, the sarcastic look at pumping gas reached the top of the charts and passed such favorites as:

Dirty Deeds and Thunder Chief

Guns ‘n Roses in Nashville

John Wayne and Edgar Allan Poe

It seemed that I had a mystery on my hands and needed the help of those meddling kids in the Mystery Machine. Have gas pumps suddenly gained a new popularity? Are people becoming interested in the intricacies of debit and credit card use? Has this become the hip thing to look up among hipsters?

To solve the mystery, I started up the search engine and began looking myself. Starting with the simplest search term, I typed in “gas pumps” and looked around. Page after page, I could not find a reference to the “Surrounded by Imbeciles” world. Then, I shifted to images, and, behold, “Surrounded by Imbeciles” appeared as the first entry on the first line.

Part of the mystery was solved, searchers had come to me through the photo I uploaded to the post. When they hit images, there it appeared. However, a second mystery remains. Why, in the middle of January, did gas pumps become so popular? Even after being forced to watch Murder, She Wrote as a kid, I don’t believe I have the sleuthing talents to figure it out. Perhaps, you readers can help. Or, maybe I should call the In Search Of version of Leonard Nimoy.

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Brought to You By the Number 50

26 Jan

The “Surrounded by Imbeciles” world hit a milestone yesterday with its 50th post. With that in mind, this installment is dedicated to the number 50 HA HA HA HA!

I never realized until this moment that his name is Count von Count.

50/50 – The chance that I would reach 50 posts when this blogging experiment began.

50 First Dates – Adam Sandler + Drew Barrymore + Groundhog Day = 50 million dead brain cells. Also, when was the last time you saw something about Hawaii without the Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” included on the soundtrack. Great song but don’t overdo it.

50 States – Do you know why it’s an even number? Because they had to bring states in two at a time before the Civil War to make sure that the number of free states and slave states was equal.

Hawaii 5-0 – Are you Team Jack Lord or Team Alex O’Loughlin? Honestly, I have never seen an episode of either incarnation. The opening is cool, but I could never get past it.

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover – Actually Paul, there are countless ways to leave your lover, but 50 makes a good round number for a song title. When I was a kid, I could sing the parts like “slip out the back, Jack” and “make a new plan, Stan”. However, as an adult my favorite line is the first – “The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me. Truer words have never been sung. Just ask my ex-girlfriends.

50 Cent – Is he a good rapper? I have no idea. However, he hooked up with Chelsea Handler, so I have to include him for that accomplishment.

50 Hard-Boiled Eggs – “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” One of the great lines in movie history. What does that have to do with eggs? Cool Hand Luke ate 50 hard-boiled eggs to win a bet. Later, the speech was given while he lay crumpled in a ditch.

50 Bonus Points – There is nothing (well, there may be a few things) better than using all of the letters in Scrabble and getting the bonus points.

50 Steals – Ty Cobb stole home a record 50 times. He did that while beating up a man with no hands; investing in Coca-Cola; being a racist; and, spending his days being an all around prick. They claim that he covered for his mother when she shot his father by accident. She was with her lover at the time. Not sure that’s a good enough excuse for a lifetime of degeneration.

1950 – A year of great events. “Peanuts” debuted in American newspapers. Victoria Principal, the hot wife on “Dallas”, was born. “All the King’s Men”, a fictionalized account of Huey Long, won the Academy Award for Best Picture. The game show “Truth or Consequences” debuted. A New Mexico town was later renamed in the show’s honor.

There you have it. A short homage to the number 50 HA HA HA HA

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Old Posts Home

16 Jan

Something interesting happened in my Dashboard today, and it made me consider what blogging is all about. I started this blog on November 1, 2011 and had no idea what to write or what would happened when I did. Things began with an introductory post that explained where I got “Surrounded by Imbeciles” and told a few things about myself. It was after this post that I realized there was an “About” section.

On November 2, I published my second post titled “The Problem With Gas Pumps”, which covered my notion that gas pumps think people are stupid. I always said that if I blogged, then I would start with that rant. In my mind, it was a good attempt at sarcasm and wit. However, it wasn’t until today that someone clicked on it. I have been blogging for a while now and, while not an expert, feel like I am getting better at it. I have had a bunch of hits; plenty of comments; and met some great people. (Now that I have figured out how to create a link, you should check out my favorite blog and super supportive reader, the Book Snob.) But, I never considered what happened to the old posts that nobody ever read. Do they go to an “old posts home”? They don’t. They live forever as information leakages from our brains. The things we put on here never go away. While we may forget about them and think that people will never go back into the archives and look around, all it takes in an engine search to receive a click.

As a historian, I am accustomed to combing through documents in local and state archives and studying the artifacts of the past. But, it never hit me until today that blogs are the modern equivalent of the letters, journals and diaries of the past. I have read all about other people’s lives and thoughts, and now a few people are reading about mine. It’s kinda cool and kinda strange at the same time. I can only hope that when people look through my “archives” they will find something as interesting as I have found looking through the paper kind.

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