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Is Rod Serling as Frustrated as Me?

27 Apr

Why are builders called contractors? Their job involves construction, not contraction. It seems to me that they should be called constructors.

That’s the kind of crap that’s running through my mind. I had this great post playing in my brain about last night’s B.B. King concert, but that one is going to be put on hold. This has been a frustrating evening, and the things that frustrated me have affected the B.B. King post in a couple of ways. First, it got my mind off track. Second, it made me start typing too late to give the subject justice.

Instead, we have a post about frustration. The other day, I bought Fort Apache on Blu-Ray. It’s the John Ford movie starring John Wayne, Henry Fonda, Shirley Temple and John Agar, who ended up being her real life husband.Fort Apache Two

It’s a fictional portrayal of George Custer and the defeat that he suffered. I’ve always thought it was weird that they placed a fictional cavalry against the Apache when they could have portrayed a real cavalry against the people they really fought.

The portrayal of a fictional story instead of a historical one is not what frustrated me. That came from the Blu-Ray player that suddenly froze up. My parents have a movie room that is designed to provide a great movie watching experience. Tonight, it provided a frustrating time of trying to figure out what was wrong with it. My dad had me call the guy that put the room together for them. On a Friday night. During his time off.

Finally, I texted my nephew who can fix anything. He sent back a simple reply – unplug it. That did the trick. Then, I was frustrated because I didn’t think of that.

We watched the movie, and I went home to get some work done. Part of that work involved emailing some pictures to my insurance agent. I won’t bore you with the details of insurance, but I will bore you with the details of my frustration. My school account would not email the images. I tried over and over. It’s a Gmail account, so I figured it could do anything. Apparently, it can’t.

That’s when I swapped over to my personal email. Hell, it wouldn’t even download the pictures. After that, I went back to my work email to send the pictures one at a time. Each email took forever. At the top of the screen it said:

Sending…

Still Working…

I don’t know how long it took each email to go through because I finally walked off. When I got back, they had been sent. Well, I guess they had been sent. They could be in The Twilight Zone for all I know.Twilight Zone

Sometimes, I think the world is becoming one big Twilight Zone. Look at the crazy things that happen. Some of it is serious, and some of it is downright ridiculous. Through it all, Rod Serling is standing out of sight talking about the signpost up ahead.

Grading the Day

24 Apr

I just finished grading a big stack of assignments, and my eyes are a bit blurry. I can’t figure out why we teachers give assignments at the end of the semester. It just means that we put a lot of work on ourselves. At some point, I will realize that assigning something at the beginning of the semester is fine.

Most of the papers are graded, but my brain hasn’t fully recovered. I’m not even sure why I am typing. It just feels like something that I should be doing. Does that mean I am a blogoholic?

I guess so because I am typing up a post without really knowing what the post is supposed to be about. Words are just appearing on the screen. I wonder what’s going to appear next.

I woke up this morning after hitting the snooze button a couple of times. My iPhone is my alarm, and it is set on “De Guello“, a song from the movie Rio Bravo that stars John Wayne, Dean Martin and Ricky Nelson.Rio Bravo

I got ready for work and headed that direction. I am not a morning person, but I insist on having classes a 8 o’clock. I have no idea why. This morning I talked about Herbert Hoover and how his administration got steamrolled by the Great Depression.Herbert Hoover

A lot of people blamed him, but it happened a few months after he took office. That’s not enough time to cause all of that.

I had some office hours before getting a hot dog for lunch. I let my afternoon class go after a few minutes of discussion. The semester is coming to an end, but my lectures are coming to an end quicker. After more office hours, I picked up Necole’s daughter from school because she had an appointment with a doctor.

Eventually, I made it home to get ready for an awards ceremony back on campus. I got the award for Most Outstanding Faculty Member. It is an honor to receive this award because it is voted on by the students. One of the other history professors also got a service award, so that was great, too. Basically, history holds a monopoly over the faculty awards this year.Monopoly Man II

Once the ceremony was over, I visited my parents to show them my plaque. I also talked to Necole and found out that they had to get antibiotics.

After all of that, I started grading but did it a little differently. Usually, I grade in silence. This time, I graded with the television on. Throughout the grading process, I listened to a PBS documentary about the Dust Bowl. Not surprisingly, the narrator talked about how it was Herbert Hoover’s fault. I also listened to a 30 for 30 about the 1983 NFL draft.

Now, I am blogging about all of it. Interesting isn’t it?

My Favorite Search Term of All Time

23 Apr

It is always interesting to see how people find their way to this blog. Like most bloggers, I look through the search terms and come away amazed at some of the stuff that gets typed in. At times, I wonder how they got here, and that’s when I search it to find the trail from them to me.

Recently, a search term popped up, and there was no reason to go looking for it. I knew exactly how it led them here. It is probably my favorite search term of all time, and I am proud to claim it as part of the Surrounded by Imbeciles experience. What could be so great? Take a gander at this.

where is all the whores in tunica ms

It is great on so many levels, but you must understand that it is not a surprise. I have written about Tunica, the gambling capital of the south. I have also written about whores. In fact, I have written about whores more than once. Therefore, if someone is looking for a prostitute in Tunica, then a search engine will bring them to me. It really is something to be proud of.

Here’s the thing, though. I have been to Tunica countless times, and I have never seen someone who I thought was a working girl. That doesn’t mean they are not there. Heck, there’s lots of money in Tunica, so it only makes sense that prostitutes would be there to get some of it. I just haven’t noticed them. Of course, it could be that I haven’t seen anyone that I thought should be paid for sex. Unless the guy (I assume it was a guy) on the prowl is fond of the Hoveround type.

Put in a quarter, and it will vibrate.

Put in a quarter, and it will vibrate.

Simply, Tunica is not the place to go to find a whore. Want to eat at Paula Deen’s? Go to Tunica. Want to play some Blackjack? Go to Tunica. Want to see people smoke a cigarette while wearing an oxygen mask? Go to Tunica. Want to have a high-class escort for the weekend? Don’t go to Tunica. Go to Las Vegas!!!

Although prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, escorts can be found everywhere. In fact, I used to make a game out of it and see if I could guess who was and who wasn’t. There is this one little casino that is kind of a dive. When I go in, I always get a Blackjack seat close to the bar. That way I can watch the people and figure out what is going on. It’s easy to see a woman walk in alone and walk out with someone in a matter of minutes. It is even easier when she makes her way back.

It’s a little more difficult in the larger casinos. These places don’t want the women hanging around, and security is everywhere. That means that the women at the bar have to be more discreet. It also means that many escorts arrive with their clients. If a man and woman walk into a casino together, then how can you prove that she is getting paid? Of course, there can be suspicions. When an 80-year-old man walks in with a 25-year-old woman who looks like she stepped out of a magazine, something is up.

To help the person who searched – where is all the whores in tunica ms – I have some advice.

1. Don’t look for a whore in Tunica. Go to Paula Deen’s buffet instead. You will get more bang for your buck.

2. If you want to find a whore in a casino, then go to Las Vegas. Just sit at a bar by yourself and see what happens.

3. Try to find a prostitute who has a degree in English.

She can also help you with your Longfellow.

She can also help you with your Longfellow.

Once your few seconds are up, she can help with your sentence structure.

A Post About Nothing

12 Apr

It’s completely quiet in the house. The only noise is the rain falling outside. I sit in my chair with the laptop in my lap (where else would it be?) and with the television on mute. There are things that I should be doing, but I am blogging about them instead of actually doing them.

I need to pack because I am going to Atlanta tomorrow. The last time I spent a few nights in Atlanta this happened.Tornado

I need to get on the treadmill, but I keep getting sidetracked by a bag of Pecan Sandies.

I need to fill out checks for income tax purposes. April 15 is still a few days away, and the government can wait. All they are going to do is take good money and waste it.

I need to turn the volume up on the television. It looks like they are having a very interesting conversation about the day’s action at The Masters. I used to watch the tournament every year but have gotten in a habit of missing it. This year, I will be busy doing some things in Atlanta. Last year, I was busy doing some things in Costa Rica.

A big storm was supposed to hit us today. It rained a lot, but there was nothing destructive going on. When I was in the bank, a lady said that she hoped it didn’t hit us. That made me start to think. Did she want it to hit someone else? That’s the kind of stuff I think about at the bank. I also wonder how much money they spend on suckers. I don’t know about your town, but around here all banks have candy sitting around for the customers.

I guess that’s it. I really can’t think of anything else to write about. Well, I have a posting idea in mind, but it will need to wait. There’s all this stuff I need to do, and I am close to falling asleep. The rain must be doing that.

Alas, there are two other things that need to be done. I have to get the towels out of the dryer, and I have to clip my fingernails. They absolutely drive me crazy when they get too long.

So, that’s it for now. I will check back in a few days from now with a report from Atlanta. Surely, it will be better than my last trip. Of course, if you didn’t click the link you don’t know how bad it was.

This Treadmill is Made for Walking

22 Mar

When people see my treadmill, they always ask if it is used for hanging laundry or for exercising. Well, I don’t do laundry, so that only leaves one option. However, I must admit that I didn’t use it effectively for a long time. I ignored it; pretended like it wasn’t there; and left it sitting in its space like it was broken down or something. Then, something strange happened. I got a physical and was told that I needed some kind of exercise, and I figured that I couldn’t ignore the treadmill any longer. In fact, I just got off of it.

This is not an accurate depiction of me. I would never wear a sweat band.

This is not an accurate depiction of me. I would never wear a sweat band.

Treadmills have been compared to hamster wheels, and that comparison is understandable. You go and go and go and don’t end up anywhere. But, isn’t that a metaphor for some times in our lives. No matter what we do something seems to be holding us in place. I think about stuff like that when I am on the treadmill. Am I a hamster on a wheel with no true destination? If that’s true, then at least I am not just sitting there eating hamster food.

I'll get on that wheel tomorrow.

I’ll get on that wheel tomorrow.

A lot of people think treadmills are boring because of that “stuck in one spot” mentality, but there are ways to keep things interesting. The aforementioned thinking is a good example. It’s a good place to let your mind roam without being interrupted by television, Twitter or the other gadgets that we have grown attached to.

Another way to prevent boredom and improve health is to vary the speeds that you are not traveling. My regimen starts with a 5 minute warm up at a speed of 2.5. Then, I hit 3.0 for 8 minutes and follow that with 2 minutes of 3.5. I kick it back down to 3.2 for another 8 minutes before revving up to 3.7 for 2 minutes more. Then, it’s back down to 3.3 for 8 minutes and back up to 3.8 for 2 more minutes. All that is concluded with a 5 minute cool down at 2.5. Before I know it, 40 minutes of exercised has passed me by. I’m not moving, so it had to be going by me.

Most of the time, I keep boredom further away by reading the Kindle, and it’s funny how some books make the exercise go faster than other ones. I just finished Cobb, a biography of Ty Cobb.

The Georgia Peach

The Georgia Peach

He is considered by many to be the greatest baseball player of all time and definitely one of the meanest. His is a fascinating life, but it isn’t conducive to the treadmill. I thought I was never going to get through it or the 40 minute sessions of walking in one spot.

The current book, The Blood Gospel, is flying by along with the walking. It is about the role of vampires in the beginnings of Christianity. It’s fiction – I think.

Fact or Fiction?

Fact or Fiction?

Here’s the thing though. I can only read the Kindle on the treadmill. I can’t read real books. People tell me that they can’t read on the treadmill, but I am convinced that they have never tried a Kindle. There are no pages to turn. There is no fighting to keep it on the rack. You just stick it up there and touch the screen. The trick is picking the right book. Unfortunately, once I start a book I have to finish it. Good or bad, I am stuck with it.

It looks like I am stuck with the treadmill, too. I may sound as crazy as Ty Cobb, but I actually like the thing.

Get Lucky

19 Mar

We have made it through one of those weird holidays that many Americans have adopted because it is a good excuse to get drunk. We have Cinco de Mayo, which I’m not sure is that big of a deal in Mexico. We also have the most recent one – St. Patrick’s Day. I always find it interesting because most Americans are not Catholic and are not of Irish descent. I wonder how many revellers in green actually know who St. Patrick is.

Anyway, this is not a post about holidays of drinking. This is a post about something else that is associated with Ireland. I have always heard the old saying about “the luck of the Irish”, and I have been thinking quite a bit lately about luck. I have always considered my self lucky, and this is not just some useless opinion on my part. There is scientific proof.

Many years ago, some friends and I went to a psychic. Some of us actually believed in fortune-telling, and some of us were going for the fun. We were instructed to only tell the lady our birth date and time. Honestly, we were kind of nervous because she was a local celebrity of sorts. She was a morning personality on the local Rock station that we all listened to.

So, I go into her room with my information, and she plugs it into a computer program that brought up the alignment of the stars at the time of my birth. She studied it for a while before saying that I had the highest quotient of luck of anyone she had ever read. I thought that was cool and somewhat accurate.

I have been very fortunate in many aspects of my life. I won’t bore anyone with details, but I have been able to do the things that I have wanted to do. I have seen the places that I wanted to see. I have had the job that I have always wanted to have.

I only hope that my luck doesn’t run out.

What makes luck? I don’t know. Some people say that we make our own luck. That could be true. Others say that luck just happens sometimes. That could be true, too. Heck, it could be a little of both.

To help keep my luck going, I have decided to list a bunch of “lucky” things.

Lucky Brand Jeans – I wear them, so maybe that will keep the luck flowing.

I don't wear them as well as she does.

I don’t wear them as well as she does.

Luck Be a Lady – Hey, this song was good to Sinatra, so maybe it will be good to me.

The epitome of cool.

The epitome of cool.

Lucky Luciano – He must have been lucky because he is one of the few Mafia guys who died of natural causes.

The Father of Modern Organized Crime

The Father of Modern Organized Crime

Lucky Charms – I have never eaten them. Perhaps I should.

I'm not sure about that guy.

I’m not sure about that guy.

Is that enough luck? I thought about listing Luck, the HBO series, but they killed a couple of horses. I wouldn’t consider that very lucky. There is also this great movie called Lucky Number Slevin that I have seen a thousand times, but almost everyone gets killed. That’s not very lucky, either.

That settles it. I am sticking with the “lucky” things that I mentioned, and I hope everyone that reads this gets lucky.

Bane, Beyonce and Buffalo Wild Wings

6 Feb

Everyone knows that the Super Bowl turned into the NFL version of Vicki Lawrence’s 1972 hit “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia“. The biggest sporting event that the United States has to offer came to a screeching halt, and officials of all sorts began to scramble all over themselves. Well, Twitter didn’t come to a halt, and those in the Twitterverse began to scramble to come up with the wittiest comments.

Like millions, I scanned my Twitter feed during this dark time and, like millions, noticed that I was reading the same stuff over and over. Twitter people come up with some very imaginative and funny lines, but they can also become copycats. I noticed that a few themes began to emerge. The first person who tweeted this things were being original and funny. The next billion or so were a little late to the “Super Bowl of the Dark Ages” party.

Bane was everywhere. Or was it Baine. No, it could have been Bain. For a one syllable named villain, there sure were a lot of spelling versions. He was an obvious reference for the interrupted game. It the movie, he blows up the field during a kickoff return for a touchdown. In real life, the lights went out after a kickoff return for a touchdown. I understand the reference and found it clever the first time. But, I didn’t find it clever the 10,000th time.

SPELL MY NAME!!!

SPELL MY NAME!!!

Beyonce was also all over Twitter. Of course, she was all over Twitter before the lights went out. All of the tweets were about her pulling all of the power out of the stadium or about her booty bumping into the generator. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if either one of those were the actual cause.

We bow to you, Mrs Carter.

We bow to you, Mrs Carter.

I thought the references to Buffalo Wild Wings were the most ingenious. For those who don’t know, the restaurant chain has a long running advertising campaign where patrons delay sporting events to stay in the bar longer. If I was the CEO of Buffalo Wild Wings, then I would have a new commercial out a fast as possible.

Yes, it was us.

Yes, it was us.

Those were funny, even though they got stale after a while. Another trend I did not find funny at all. Several tweets went out that mentioned how it was rich people who were trapped in the Super Dome this time. Obviously, this was a reference to people being trapped in the Super Dome during Hurricane Katrina. Also obviously, it was coming from people with a more liberal view of politics. I know this because there were some other tweets about it being the fault of the GOP.

Making fun of the GOP is fine, but I felt that the tweets took light of the situation during Katrina rather than making an overt political statement. It’s strange that those who consider themselves the most enlightened are sometimes the cruelest when attacking those who disagree with them. Folks on the extreme left and right will think this crazy, but I think they have more in common than they realize. Close-mindedness and refusing to understand the other view come to mind.

Ok, I didn’t mean to get on a political soapbox when I am actually on a Twitter soapbox. Now, back on track.

I’m not good at being funny on Twitter because I have an affliction. I think of clever stuff after the moment has passed. With that being said, here are some not clever things that I thought about after it was all over.

Andrew Jackson saved New Orleans once. He should have gone down there and saved it again. I know. History humor is not that humorous. Still, it took a Tennessee person to save New Orleans from the British, so I figure he could save it from Bane or Beyonce or Buffalo Wild Wings.

Hell, they already put up a statue of him down there.

Hell, they already put up a statue of him down there.

As an aside, it seems to always take a Tennessee person to get something done. Jackson saved New Orleans. Sam Houston brought in Texas. James K. Polk grabbed California. Cordell Hull created the United Nations. Tina Turner was Beyonce before there was a Beyonce.

I also thought of Marie Laveau, the witch queen of New Orleans. Redbone sang a song about her, but there is something better. If you knock on her grave three times, then she may grant you a wish. I knocked, but I didn’t get the wish. I figure she turned out the lights because the Super Bowl interrupted Mardi Gras.

Knock three times.

Knock three times.

However, I had another idea that was most fitting. The lights went out to honor Don Meredith, quarterback and Monday Night Football personality. Watch the video to understand why.

Turn out the lgihts. The party's over.

Turn out the lights. The party’s over.

That’s about it for my Super Bowl Twitter analysis.

Bigfoot, Under Hair and Gert Frobe’s Co-Stars

30 Jan

Otherwise known as the lazy man’s post. With nothing else to write about, I decided to explore recent search terms that led people to the blog. I could write something witty about each one, but I decided to search them myself to see what pictures pop up. Here’s the plan: Type in the search and grab the third picture on the second row. Here goes nothing.

Kevin Costner Move

Is he moving to the left or the right?

Is he moving to the left or the right?

Rome’s Government

I didn't know the Romans invented flow charts.

I didn’t know the Romans invented flow charts.

Under Hair Machine

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill it! Kill it!

Religion In Your Face Buckle Bible Belt

This is exactly the picture that I knew would pop up.

This is exactly the picture that I knew would pop up.

Kurt Cobain Robert Frost

His face looks like the road most taken.

His face looks like the road most taken.

George Washington Is Cool

Yes, he is, son. Yes, he is.

Yes, he is, son. Yes, he is.

Marty Robbins Margaritaville

Marty sang about reincarnation, not blown out flip flops.

Marty sang about reincarnation, not blown out flip flops.

Is Bigfoot An Alien

I cheated on this one. This is a picture from my blog that showed up on the first line.

I cheated on this one. This is a picture from my blog that showed up on the first line.

Sean Connery Gert Frobe Kevin Bacon

Surely Kevin Bacon is not six degrees connected to this classic.

Surely Kevin Bacon is not six degrees connected to this classic.

What Vegas Mayor Wore A Coonskin Hat

I really can't tell from this picture.

I really can’t tell from this picture.

Push To Start Gas Pump

Looks simple enough

Looks simple enough

Linda Gray In Mini Skirts

It's not a miniskirt, but it is a beautiful 80s flashback.

It’s not a miniskirt, but it is a beautiful 80s flashback.

Surrounded By Imbeciles

I am so proud.

I am so proud.

How To Spend In World End

That's how.

That’s how.

That’s also the end.

Brunch at the Bar

28 Jan

Today, my girlfriend and I went to our favorite restaurant for brunch. Usually, the hostess, one of my former students, can get us a table pretty quickly. That wasn’t going to happen today, so we scouted the bar for seats. We have become adept at being what I call “bar sharks” – people who hang around and scout for people who are close to getting up.

This is not an accurate representation.

This is not an accurate representation.

My girlfriend’s skills were in top form, and she found a couple of seats. We ordered deviled eggs as an appetizer and settled in for some delicious delicacies. We also settled in to check out the crowd around us. Lots of interesting things can be seen at a bar at night, but a few interesting can also be seen at a bar during brunch.

First, a lot of people go to brunch after church, and it’s funny to see them all decked out. It’s amazing how God requires women to carry Louis Vuitton purses and wear big diamonds to worship. It’s as if the best dressed gets through the Pearly Gates first.

No Gucci = No Wings

No Gucci = No Wings

It’s also funny to see the church people saddle up to a bar and order a drink. Wait, it shouldn’t be that strange since Jesus turned water into wine. I wonder if he could turn it into a Mimosa and Bloody Mary, too. Heck, he could have named the second one after his mom. At least, the three women next to me who were praying didn’t order any shots.

Across the way, a couple of guys were wearing purple sweaters. I don’t have anything else to say about that except one had a floral pattern.

There was a young couple sitting next to my girlfriend, and it was hard not to eavesdrop. Actually, it was a little difficult, but we were doing our best. They were new to each other, and she kept asking him personal questions like, “Do you like dogs?”

I like dogs enough never to do this to them.

I like dogs enough never to do this to them.

He kept changing the subject about a job opening that she might be able to help him with. They split the check. He should know that if you want something, then bribery will take you a long way. Cheap people never get ahead.

There were some other sights at the bar – a couple of young wives who looked like they married for money (they had the shiny diamonds but not the shiny smiles); a couple who had to sit with the bartender exit between them (they had to lean over to talk); and people waiting for a table in the restaurant although the bar had emptied out (they must have been the Fundamentalists who risking the afterlife by stepping into the bar)

So, my girlfriend and I watched the crowd as I ate steak and eggs and she had eggs benedict. Added to the appetizer of deviled eggs, we were lucky that we didn’t lay a few. Now, that would have been something interesting to see at the bar.

A Plumber, a Presentation and Willie Nelson’s Book

11 Jan

I was going to write a post about the movies I saw this weekend. Three in three days. However, I don’t feel like putting a lot of thought into a cinematic analysis. Instead, this post is about today’s activities.

It started with the usual waking up process. It takes a while for me to get out of bed, but, when I do, I hit the floor running. There is no drinking of coffee or watching of the Today Show.

It's always weird to hear an announcer say, "Tomorrow on Today!"

It’s always weird to hear an announcer say, “Tomorrow on Today!”

It goes from bathroom activities to getting dressed to hitting the door. Getting up to flake around the house is not for me. It wastes good sleeping time.

I made it to campus in time for today’s in-service session. Several of the teachers who received summer grants talked about how they used to money. We learned about Chemistry, Biology, History, Economics and working with deaf athletes. Unfortunately, I had to go before the last presenter took the microphone.

They didn't use this kind of microphone, but it would have been cool if they did.

They didn’t use this kind of microphone, but it would have been cool if they did.

After a quick lunch, I returned to my office and worked on a few of the assignments for the upcoming semester. I have some new ideas that I hope will work out well. I also had to mess around with my iTunes. This new version got downloaded, and I am trying to figure out why songs that I deleted popped back up.

There was also an enlightening conversation with one of my History mates. We members of college faculties can have some interesting talks. I know the students would be surprised by that.

Once the conversation was over, I headed to the house to take care of some domestic issues. This included calling a plumber to work on a running toilet. It has already been looked at twice. You would think it would be tired of running by now. It also included calling someone to look at the gas logs. I need a little ambience around here.

On to the treadmill where I spent 45 minutes getting my heart rate up and reading Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die by Willie Nelson.

Appropriate title.

Appropriate title.

It’s not a scholarly work by any means, but it’s a good treadmill read. Yes, we members of college faculties like easy reads, too.

Let’s see. Treadmill. Willie. Then, the second shower of the day before a dinner of salad, chopped steak and a baked potato. Now, I am blogging and watching the Tennessee Lady Vols basketball team beat the crap out of the Missouri Tigers. The Lady Vols are pretty good this year, but it isn’t the same without Pat Summitt prowling the sidelines.

She is Tennessee basketball.

She is Tennessee basketball.

After the game, I may watch the original Ocean’s 11 with the Rat Pack.

Some real cool cats.

Some real cool cats.

Or, I may read some blogs. Or, I may think of a better blog post for next time.